Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about finding mutuality in relationships. Here are some other thoughts on this topic. The first link is both academic and perceptive.

Movement Toward Mutuality “RCT suggests that constructive movement or positive change in relationship (a.k.a., growth) depends on three essential, inseparable factors: mutual empathy, mutual empowerment, and movement toward mutuality”

The 3 core skills that every person needs for healthy romantic relationships “‘We may know what a healthy relationship looks like, but most people have no idea how to get one — and no one teaches us how to do so.’ That’s what Joanne Davila, a professor of psychology and the director of clinical training at Stony Brook University in Stony Brook, New York, contends in a TEDxSBU talk”

Deciding together: Can we be strong and independent, and yet make mutually satisfying decisions as partners? “What I have witnessed in a lot of unhappy relationships is that two people come together to live a happy life but they don’t know how to establish and maintain a collaborative relationship! So, now that they are together, they bring in to the relationship, their separate individual lives with their independent decision-making styles they have had before their togetherness…”

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In the last weeks, we’ve written about individuality, core values and total acceptance. But this week, the election results have been so close that I suspect nearly everybody on both sides is upset by them, so instead I’ll talk today about differences in politics. The political divide is incomprehensible to people across the spectrum. Instead of presenting the arguments of both sides, let me suggest a different division that will clarify your reasons for opposition.

Why Has America Become So Divided? “For many of us these days, it feels as if the United States has never been less united. The nation, it seems, has become irrevocably fractured along political and ideological lines — Republican/Democrat, liberal/conservative, red/blue, etc. Sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner with family has never been more uncomfortable and the admonition to avoid discussing religion or politics in polite company has never been more apropos. What has happened to America? And how can we reverse the trend?”

How Identity, Not Issues, Explains the Partisan Divide “U.S. politics increasingly looks like a savage battle between left and right. Consistent with closing ranks in a battle, Americans are expressing policy opinions that align more and more with their political groups. Of all conflicts between groups in America, partisanship is one of the most divisive, with 86% of Americans seeing strong conflicts between Republicans and Democrats.”

Why are political discussions so intense? A video that Phil made. “Political arguments are emotional at base. This video identifies the two core emotions that animate liberal and conservative positions and suggests which one is a better fit for humans.”

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Wow! It’s our 250th Reading Corner this week.

In our latest blog, we wrote about what we consider a key aspect of successful relationships: total acceptance. Here are three writers with their own slants on this important topic.

Accept Them as They Are “I admit it: Whether close to home or far away, I wish some people were different. Depending on who they are, I wish they’d stop doing things like leaving cabinet doors open in our kitchen, sending me spam emails, or turning a blind eye to global warming. And I wish they’d start doing things like being friendlier toward me or spending more money on public education. Even if it doesn’t affect me directly, for their own sake I do wish that various people I care about were more energetic, less anxious, or less self-critical.”

Deep Acceptance In Relationships “For securely attached adults, differences between them are generally not threatening to the relationship….For insecurely attached adults (on average one out of three, though people tend to hang out with like-kinds) it’s a whole different ballgame, and this is where things get way more complicated. Insecure attachment means that because of inconsistency in the parenting they received, these folks go through the world with an embodied presupposition of mistrust towards relationships”

LOVE means ACCEPTANCE “The truth is that love, in it’s purest expression, is completely unconditional. To have conditions means that there are requirements and standards that must be met in order for us to love someone. For example, it’s easy to love someone who loves us, who treats us with kindness and respect. But can we love someone who hates us, who would wish to do us harm?”

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This week, we wrote about core values from our personal experience. These articles talk about core values, sometimes discussing desirable values as well.

How Core Values Help Relationships Grow “You don’t need to agree on everything; the idea is to agree on areas that are truly necessary for your lasting happiness. Actually, as shown in the example below, sometimes a difference in a core value may enrich a relationship.”

10 Core Values of a Lasting Relationship “Building a successful relationship takes dedication. There are untold life situations that can spring up, and test the strength and unity of your partnership. Having compatible core values will provide you with the necessary strength and camaraderie to be able to navigate through those stumbling blocks together.”

Why Are Shared Values Important In Relationships? Experts Weigh In On This Common Thought “As I’ve gotten older and my relationships have matured, a lot of things have changed about they way I view potential partners. In the past, chemistry and having fun with someone was enough to ground a relationship, because whether or not I wanted to admit it to myself, I knew deep down those relationships were not built to last. But probably the starkest difference between then and now is how much the answer to the question of “Are shared values important in relationships?” has changed for me. Now it’s probably one of my biggest concerns. After all, now I look at relationships as more than just someone to have fun with, but instead, someone I want to spend my life with — and having shared values is a big part of that.”

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This week, we wrote about how important it is to honor individuality in your relationships. Here are some articles discussing different aspects of individuality and its importance in relationships.

Honoring Individuality “One of the core values of The Evolution Group is Honoring Individuality. This we try to do for one another as well as for our clients. To honor can be defined as: To treat someone with admiration and respect. Individuality can be defined as: The qualities and characteristics of a person that distinguishes them from others. Much of the work of personal growth, identifying goals, and self-actualization is rooted in this ability, and yet so many people are unable to honor individuality in their lives.”

Staying Compatible by Staying Yourself “What makes being in a relationship tricky is that it provides the opportunity for two completely different experiences. On the one hand, it is an opportunity for two individuals to be supported by each other’s appreciation and love for the person their partner is. Both partners are enhanced by such an association, and flourish and grow as people. On the other hand, people can go into a relationship with a fantasy that the union will assuage their insecurities, hurts and unresolved issues from their past.”

How to Maintain Your Individuality in a Committed Relationship “The key to having a fulfilling life as an individual is liking yourself. If you don’t like yourself you will seek out others who will either keep you so preoccupied you can hide from your pain or you will cling desperately to anyone who makes you feel good. Either way, your well-being and happiness has now become dependent on the other person and whether they know this fact or not, they will feel the pressure.”

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