Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about the increasing importance of relationships a year into the pandemic. Here are some stats and stories about how people are dealing with the situation.

The secrets of couples thriving right now in the pandemic “Before the pandemic, S. Nicole Lane said that much of her time with her boyfriend was spent going out, dancing and drinking. ‘We both work pretty demanding jobs, so our days off were spent in a whirlwind,’ she said. ‘I think many of our fights and arguments were fueled by alcohol.’ During pandemic lockdown earlier this year, the Chicago couple started hiking together, often covering as many as 20 miles in a single day on the trails. ‘I don’t think we went into hiking saying, ‘This will help our relationship,’ but it’s really brought us a lot closer and more comfortable with one another,’ she said.”

Pandemic can bring out the worst, and the best, in relationships “Throughout 2020, headlines and studies make dual claims — some indicate divorce rates are up as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic and other show divorce rates have declined…. The most recent evidence suggests there may have been an early spike in divorces in 2020 — and an anticipation of a spike — but divorce rates may have actually declined over the course of the past year.”

Coronavirus: Tips for a happy relationship — even during lockdown “Having a good relationship is no piece of cake even in normal times. Lockdown doesn’t make it any easier, with its psychological stress and restrictions on social contacts. So how can relationships still thrive?”

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By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with , ,

In this week’s blog, we discussed why it is important not to focus on yourself in relationships. Here are some articles that discuss different elements of what changing your focus can do.

How to Be More Present for the Ones You Love (and Your Life, Too) “Failure to be present can wreak havoc on your life. It can cause you to make careless mistakes at work, putting your job or a promotion at risk. It can deteriorate your connection to those you love the most, leading to strained and broken relationships. It can prevent you from giving your children the attention they need to grow and thrive. It can prevent you from seizing major opportunities that are right in front you.”

9 Tips on How to Have More Mindful Conversations “Regular practices of mindfulness can give leaders a different perspective on their world, opening them up to ways of being which are both more focused on what matters and more observant and appreciative of what is there. Paradoxically, becoming more present through mindfulness enables leaders to see reality more clearly and act more purposefully and with less of their own stuff getting in the way.”

5 Practical Ways to be More Present With Other People “Simply put, presence is awareness. And awareness is basically attention. When we are present with other people, it simply just means that we are conscious with them and giving them our full and conscious attention and awareness. You can look at being present with another as a form of unconditional love because when you’re truly present, there are no egos, judgments, agendas, or distractions involved; just one soul being with another.”

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This week, we discussed why you shouldn’t focus on relationship differences. Here are some articles that examine different aspects of this topic.

How To Resolve Conflict And Save Your Relationship “A conflict becomes harmful when you’re focused on defending yourself from attack rather than on solving the problem. By focusing on your pain and suffering, you are ensuring you’ll experience more of the same, because where focus goes, energy flows, or as Tony [Robbins] says, ‘Whatever we consistently focus on is exactly what we will experience in our lives.'”

How to Navigate Differences in Your Relationship “But how do you know if a difference is more than something to seek counsel about, but is indeed a deal breaker? Because, the fact is, some are. Deal breakers are those differences that you anticipate will have a consistently divisive impact on your relationship. The two most important words in that sentence being “consistently divisive.” It’s impossible to grow together as a couple if your relationship lacks a foundation of unity.”

Relationship Tips: How to Handle Differences for a Successful Relationship “In a Wall Street Journal article, columnist Elizabeth Bernstein writes about the challenge of marriage between an ardent planner and a partner who prefers to be spontaneous. Perhaps you’ve known people in a marriage like that—or maybe you’re one of them! In my work with couples, I have heard many a planner call their spouse passive-aggressive or the spontaneous one refer to their spouse as a control freak.”

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to step out of your routine. Here are some interesting articles covering various aspects of this topic.

Why It’s Important to Break Routines “Having a routine isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can help you stay organized, be productive, or even, according to some researchers, find meaning. Certain studies have associated family routines with parenting competence and marital satisfaction. However, not all routines are created equal, and failing to examine or alter our habits can have a limiting or deadening effect on our lives.”

These 10 Things Will Happen When You Start Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone “The comfort zone. That safe place that makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside. It’s comforting, it’s familiar and it’s somewhere that the majority of human beings choose to place themselves. But in choosing to loiter within this zone for a large portion of our lives, we are effectively robbing ourselves of spontaneity, excitement, and–most importantly–we are denying ourselves the opportunity to follow our dreams.”

The Science of Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone (and Why You Should) “Routines can be stable and comforting, but they can also turn stale and confining over time. All those inspirational messages telling you to break out of your comfort zone aren’t just trying to sell you bungee cords. Doing something new and potentially frightening helps stave off burnout and is good for your brain. Still, it’s pretty hard to shake yourself out of a routine, and there’s plenty of science explaining why—and how to do it.”

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This week, we wrote about how to integrate thoughts and feelings in your life, and found what a deeply investigated field this is. Here are some articles that explore the research and practical aspects of this topic.

INTEGRATING MIND and BODY: what does it mean in practice and how to do it “We are all able to notice certain feelings that originate from our body and there are even more feelings of which we are unaware. Yet, our body constantly receives, processes and integrates such feelings in order to support different functions….
Knowing all of this, it becomes obvious that one cannot act on emotions, thoughts, self, identity and consciousness without dealing with body and senses. Yeah, but how does it work? The mechanisms described above prove that awareness plays a central role, but we must pay attention to possible misunderstandings. In fact, we have seen that the awareness that we want to reactivate is mainly sensory, and not cognitive. The fact of thinking about what one has heard, of giving a name and a meaning to it, becomes relevant only in a second moment.”

Body-Mind Integration: Training Attention for Mental and Physical Health “The body holds your physical health and your ability to function. For example, even the little actions like walking and the fine movements of your fingers depend on a healthy body. But the mind houses your spirit and your motivation to function. These days, we have evidence that mental and physical health are so related to each other, that studies about mind-body integration in psychology seem especially important.”

Integrated Emotions “What does it mean to feel, and why does it happen? When we look at emotions as “good” or “bad” we’re in a constant state of internal struggle against our own emotions. Is there another option? How can we shift away from this dualistic view and make friends with ALL our feelings?”

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