Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we’ve written about a form of reframing that can improve your relationship. Here’ are some articles that present positive reframing in different and interesting ways.

What Kind of Frame is Your Relationship in? “In counseling, it’s common to hear stories about how a person believes their significant other has “changed” over the years. While this might certainly hold elements of truth, it’s also possible that we have changed the way we “frame” their qualities, based on our own thoughts and perceptions. None of us are perfect! Every relationship has elements of positive and negative, to varying degrees. How we view our significant other depends on the frame we choose to use. This is the concept of reframing.”

30 Positive Reframes: How to Start Changing Your Perspective on Life “The single most important attribute in cultivating happiness and success in your life is your ability to create positive reframes. A positive reframe is taking a situation and trying to find something good in it. It’s incredibly simple in theory, but it can be very difficult to practice. Two people can have the same exact experience but walk away from it with a completely different perspective and interpretation of the facts. This is the power of reframing.”

Say I Do to Positive Thinking and Thriving Relationships “The Top Five Movement helps you notice the positive qualities, acts and strengths in other people. And the Top Five Movement helps others notice the positive qualities, acts and strengths in you. Doesn’t that sound like a win-win and something worth giving a crack? Writing a Top Five is pretty powerful stuff. It’s not just about thinking to yourself, “Wowza, my hair looks amazing today.” That’s great; we all love a good hair day. But the act of sitting down and writing a Top Five means that you are analysing your day, your people, your actions, your world for the good. That practise becomes a part of your consciousness, and you become a master of positive thinking. From there, your gracious and optimistic perspective turns to gracious and optimistic actions, and you become more connected, confident and communicative. You become more mindful, emotionally balanced and generous. You are awesome.”

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In this week’s blog we discussed our unique perspective on Mutuality. Here are some articles presenting different but interesting perspectives.

Joanne Davila: Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships This is a transcript of a TEDx talk. “Mutuality is about knowing that both people have needs and that both sets of needs matter. With mutuality, you’ll be able to convey your own needs in a clear, direct fashion that increases the likelihood that you’ll get them met.”

The Yoga of Relationships “When we learn to treat others with relational skillfulness, we are practicing yoga. The ultimate goal of Yoga is union—union with the divine essence in ourselves and in the world around us. Like a wave in the great ocean of existence, human beings have the capacity to melt our sense of separateness and experience oneness with everything and everyone.”

The Meaning of Mutuality This is an academic paper with a very fascinating treatment of mutuality “This paper explores relationships characterized by mutual intersubjectivity, in which individuals relate to one another based on an interest in each other as whole, complex people. Traditional psychoanalytic theory and object relations theory have emphasized a line of development marked by increasing internal structure, boundedness and use of the other as a need-gratifying “object.” Today, many women are concerned with growth through relationships founded on mutuality.”

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In this week’s blog, we stated that you do not always have to struggle in your relationship. Open your minds and your hearts to another way and transform it into one full of calm, peace and joy. You can create a life without hardship and difficulty. Here are some articles to help you.

Conscious Relationships: A Path for Growth and Personal Transformation “A conscious relationship comprises a path for growth and personal transformation that is seen by some as a spiritual calling. The partners in a conscious relationship are committed to the radical practice of love. They are not trying to extract love, approval or security from their partner, but instead seek to behave lovingly toward each other. In conscious relationships, each partner is committed to their own growth and to the growth of their partner over and above maintaining the relationship, per se.”

Use Positive Psychology to Transform Your Relationship in Four Steps “Everlasting love can be more than just something you see in Disney movies – if you master four habits from the field of positive psychology. That’s according to a husband and wife team who’ve spent the last decade researching positive psychology and working on a book trying to distil the secrets to relationship success into bite-size rules. ‘Promoting a healthy (rather than an obsessive) passion, cultivating and prioritising positive emotions, taking time to mindfully savour experiences together, and seeking out strengths in one another.'”

How to Transform Your Love Life Starting Today “Oftentimes, I get asked the following question: What’s one thing someone can do right now to change their dating and love life? A simple question for what is often thought of as a complicated subject. But the truth is, moving your love life forward doesn’t have to be as difficult and daunting as people make it out to be.”

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This week, we wrote about transforming your relationship, a theme we also taught in our workshop. Here are some authors sharing their thoughts on various aspects of transformation.

Can One Person Transform a Relationship? “It sounds impossible, right? After all, it takes two to tango. How can one person transform a relationship without the other one on board? Well, it does take two to tango, but if one dancer knows exactly what they’re doing and practices often, he/she can teach their partner how to be a better dancer without them even knowing it.”

Empathy: The Secret To Transforming Your Love Relationships “I will say that one thing I have seen work wonders in improving relationships and alleviating marital and personal hardship is empathy. I call it the “secret sauce” of a happy marriage. In fact, a Harvard research study from a few years ago showed that marriages were more successful when the man tried to demonstrate empathy in his interactions with his wife. Clearly, there’s something important and noteworthy about it.”

To love is to nurture: The secret to real relationship transformation “Stop saying ‘I love you.’ And start saying, ‘I will nurture you.’ Shocking right? Yet when you give this one a try; the results will speak for themselves. From the first session I invite couples to lay down the word ‘love’ and instead use the word ‘nurture’. When we say we want someone to love us, we actually mean we want someone to nurture us.”

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In this week’s blog we wrote about commitment. This week’s links discuss various aspects of this topic.

Committed Relationship – What Does That Really Mean? “Commitment also requires that each partner choose it themselves. I don’t believe anyone can force you to commit to something. You can certainly try, but ultimately a true commitment that comes from the heart has to come from each person of their own free will.”

Passion + Intimacy + Commitment = Consummate Love “Passion, intimacy, and commitment are the three pillars of couple-love, says psychologist, Robert Sternberg in his “triangular theory.” We may love based on intimacy, passion, or commitment, or any combination of the three.”

What Committed to a Relationship Means “A deeper level of commitment, the psychologists report, is a much better predictor of lower divorce rates and fewer problems in marriage.”

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