Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with , ,

This week we wrote about how to dissect the arguments in your relationship, find out what’s happening, and what you can do about them. Here are some other writers with helpful advice.

7 ways to end an argument with your partner “‘Clearing the air and coming back to love and compassion after each disagreement means those are the emotions left hanging in the air between us, and what could possibly feel better than that day-to-day?’ relationship expert Chantal Heide says.”

3 Reasons Why Couples Have the Same Fights Over and Over “If you’re married or in a committed relationship, you’ve probably noticed that some of your arguments never seem to get resolved. Rather, they get recycled. Why is this such a common occurrence? And why do these situations feel almost insoluble? Here are three common reasons:”

Resolving ongoing arguments with your partner “You’re having the same tiff over and over with no resolution in sight, and cracking it about dirty dishes quickly escalates to “You don’t love me anymore”. We know 20 per cent of married couples, for example, are strained at any one time. And because the experts say it’s not if you fight but how that matters, hitting reset on argument patterns can help. We went to the professionals to find out: how does one get off the argument hamster wheel?”

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By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with , , ,

In this week’s blog, we discussed the struggle to get to the place of no struggle in your relationship. Here are a variety of articles discussing the road to transformation.

How One Simple Mindset Shift Can Totally Transform Your Relationships “Whatever the impetus for your resolutions, most of us fail in our attempts to create sustainable change. Change is hard. It’s uncomfortable and it takes incredible persistence, perseverance, and patience — qualities many of us struggle to cultivate. As a relationship therapist, I’m always thinking about the changes I want to make in my relationships and trying to encourage and support changes my clients want to make in their relationships.”

Real Transformation Is An Evolution “Real transformation sneaks up on you. Maybe you have experienced that moment – that face-palm, slap to the forehead instant – when you realize you are in the middle of unplanned, unexpected, unpredicted life change. It can feel like all the air just got sucked out of the room when you figure it out because real transformation changes everything. What was can no longer be, not because you don’t want it but because it just won’t work in your life anymore. Who you were then is not who you are now… and the ‘now’ you cannot be put back into the smaller container of who you were ‘then’. We like to think that we can see what’s coming and adapt proactively.”

Change Doesn’t Happen Overnight: It Happens In These Five Stages “Although circumstances often change in the blink of an eye, people tend to change at a slower pace. Even the most motivated people who welcome change often encounter stumbling blocks that make transformation more complicated than they’d originally anticipated. Whether you’re hoping to lose weight, or you’re trying to convince your employees to embrace a new procedure, don’t expect immediate results. Instead, recognize that real change happens slow and steady.”

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By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with , ,

This week, we wrote about what the difference is between disagreement and conflict. In researching the subject, we’ve found that different writers assign different meanings to the terms disagreement, conflict, argument and fighting. Nevertheless, they are making very similar points.

Disagreements Are Not Conflicts “While lots of couples, and the people who advise them, use disagreement and conflict interchangeably; I believe doing so ignores important differences between these two types of interactions. The defining thing about a disagreement is that you and your partner are talking to each other. … In a conflict, you are not talking; rather, you are yelling, avoiding, accusing, talking over each other, etc.”

7 Ways Happy Couples Deal with Disagreements Differently “Every couple disagrees from time to time. Perfect compatibility is not possible, but sensibly working through incompatibility is. The difference between a happy couple and an unhappy couple is the way in which they handle their disagreements. Thus, in order to grow and be successful in our intimate relationships, we must adopt healthy coping strategies for dealing with our differences.”

The Very Important Difference Between Conflict and Fighting “I’ve shared with you in past blog posts that my husband, Mike, and I are very, very different. Early in our marriage, these differences created a lot of tensions. There were days when I wondered if we could make it with such divergent views on everything from money to movies. Mike and I are still very different. While that continues to create disagreement, we rarely fight anymore. We discovered a secret that has made our marriage immeasurably more enjoyable. Are you ready?”

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By Posted on Posted in Love, Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

This week we wrote from our direct experience about practicing peace and love in a relationship. Here are some articles from professionals (and a wonderful survey) that offer a variety of advice about improving your relationship.

1,500 People Give All The Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need “This is what I asked: anyone who has been married for 10+ years, and is still happy in their relationship . . . what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? Also, to people who are divorced, what didn’t work previously?”

What Makes a Relationship Work? 6 No-Fail Signs of a Strong Bond, According to a Psychotherapist “Falling in love is great, but what about your happily ever after? In order to go the distance with your significant other, it’s crucial to ask the question: What makes a relationship work? Because to be perfectly honest, the things that may be catalysts at the beginning of your journey (physical attraction, small talk, similar interests) nine times out of 10 are not the things that keep you together long-term.”

8 Ways to Make Your Relationship Work Better “Relationships that work are the ones that are worked on. If you are wondering where to begin, here are some areas that can always use a little TLC…. Every successful relationship needs the care and nurturing of two committed adults giving to each other in a way that creates a mutually beneficial connection. Giving your relationship what it needs to thrive is a truly loving gesture.”

By Posted on Posted in Meditation, Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with

In our blog this week, we wrote about two important ways you can strengthen your relationship — breathing and presence. We’ve found some great articles on these topics.

Conscious Breathing: A Simple Way to Work Through Emotional Pain and Be Present in Your Life “I never gave much thought to my breath unless I was submerged under water for long periods without any. Today I rely on it for more than the obvious function of keeping me alive. Breathing has become my biggest tool and best friend. It has become a foundation for living with conscious presence and awareness.”

Being present in relationship – Why does it matter so much? “What does presence mean in a relationship, and why does it matter so much? I will sometimes hear a client lament that their partner does not feel “present” in the relationship. This feeling of lack, so acutely felt by one person, can be a complete mystery to their partner. I’ll have someone tell me in session, ‘My partner says I’m not present in our relationship… I have no idea what they mean.’ Here’s the short answer…”

9 Practical Ways To Be More Present In Your Life “I once worked with a man (who I will call Tom) who lived in San Francisco. Tom would wake up in the morning to his ringing iPhone alarm, roll over, and immediately check his text messages, his Instagram, and then his two email accounts (in that order)…. Tom hired me to help him get to the bottom of his increasingly painful and challenging situation. For some unknown reason, he had a perpetually twitching left eye, chronic tension headaches, and had a panic attack anywhere from 1-5 times on an average week. It didn’t take long to decipher that Tom was suffering from a total lack of engaging in being a human.”

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