Reading Corner

This week’s blog was on alienation within your relationship, and what you can do about it. Some articles around that topic:

Rekindle Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship “Emotional distance is one of the primary complaints of couples that come to my office for marriage counseling. While I think it’s normal for romantic love to wax and wane over time, it’s very uncomfortable to lose that loving feeling for your partner.”

Bridging Emotional Distance “Emotional distance in a relationship can feel like a descent into quicksand: slow and seemingly unstoppable…. Often, you can avoid sinkholes in your relationship merely by watching where you step. Know the communication styles that cause your partner to automatically tense up or withdraw.”

3 Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble “In all relationships there are ebbs and flows; times when you feel closer and times when you feel more distant. You may go through periods when things are going well, and then find yourselves stuck in conflicts and misunderstandings. Recognizing that there are problems is the first step toward finding out what you need to do “

This week’s blog was on what you can take away from a breakup in order to improve your next relationship. We hope you enjoy these.

Breakups and new relationships offer opportunities to break old habits “New relationships also offer the opportunity to go down a different path and this is much easier to do when you have the self-awareness that comes with being willing to learn from the insights gained from your prior relationships. With each relationship you get to understand you a bit more and where you also need to step up for yourself to ensure that you’re representing your needs, expectations and wishes.”

People Who Go Through Painful Breakups End Up Stronger And Happier “It’s funny — they say that which does not kill you, makes you stronger. I don’t know if that statement can be applied more realistically to anything than a breakup. A number of studies indicate that we’re able to overcome such hardship and learn from those painful experiences in life, ultimately becoming stronger, healthier individuals.”

7 Surprising Lessons I Learnt from my Recent Breakup “Love isn’t enough. Your core values must align too. This was a difficult one for me to swallow. Love isn’t enough. If your core values don’t match, then it’s unlikely that the relationship will be successful.”

This week’s blog was how our approach to relationships applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. This was a hard subject for which to find articles! We hope you enjoy these.

Conflict Resolution Skills “Conflict arises from differences, both large and small. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can be a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy.”

Why Some Parents & their Children have Great Friendships “There are many reasons why some adults get along with their kids better than others. In this article, I will provide a short overview of the common explanations which have emerged whilst professionally mediating the relationship between parents and their children, as well as observations in my personal life and society in general.”

Conflict – Couple Relationships, Family Relationships, Parent-child Relationships “Three characteristics distinguish family conflict from other types: intensity, complexity, and the duration of relationships. Work on family conflict has led to some important findings relevant to prevention and treatment.”

This week’s blog was on why words are as important as deeds in a relationship. Here are some good articles on different aspects of this topic.

9 Steps to Better Communication Today “The most popular myth about communication in relationships is that since you talk to your partner, you’re automatically communicating. While talking to your partner is indeed a form of communication, if it’s primarily about everyday, “surfacey” topics (“How were the kids?” “How was work?” “How’s your mother?”), you’re not really communicating about the important stuff. This article is primarily about how to talk in a more open and rewarding manner with your significant other.”

6 TOXIC RELATIONSHIP HABITS MOST PEOPLE THINK ARE NORMAL “Fortunately, there’s been a lot of psychological research into healthy and happy relationships the past few decades and there are some general principles that keep popping up consistently that most people are unaware of or don’t follow. In fact, some of these principles actually go against what is traditionally considered “romantic” or normal in a relationship.”

How to Be Happy in a Relationship: Speak from the Heart “Here is the sad and somewhat ironic thing about not being able to speak from your heart: First, you’re actually hurting your loved one because you’re not revealing your true self — you’re hiding things that will one day come back to bite you.”

P.S. Our new book “How Two: Have a Successful Relationship” just came out. Order it now!

This week we blogged about why we wrote our new book, and we can’t find any links about that! So instead, here are some excerpts from our new book, “How Two: Have a Successful Relationship.”

Another Way

We live a conflict-free relationship. It’s been more than a decade now full of peace, love, joy and passion. Friends check in with us every so often: “So you still haven’t had any arguments?” The answer is always “No.”

Acceptance

Squabbles in a relationship are like stones in your shoes; they don’t have to be there.

Individuality

One of the keys to a peaceful and joyous way of relating is to accept and respect each other as two separate and absolutely unique individuals. In our relationship, this is a critical part of how we are with each other.

Our Process

When there is something we need to agree on, whether it be a decision we have to make or a problem that needs to be resolved, we have found a way of dealing with it that does not involve any struggle or conflict.

Being Present

Being present means paying attention to what is actually happening. We get on so well because we practice this with each other; what is in the moment is more important to us than what has happened or what might happen.

Sexuality, Intimacy and Union

For us, as for many couples, sexuality is a place where we have a direct experience of union – a sense that we have merged to form one body. The sense of self as an individual, separate experience still remains, but there is this additional sense of connectedness. Sex is like a step-ladder; it enables us to reach a higher place, a vista of union that transcends the physical.

Peace

One of the most surprising aspects of our relationship is the direct experience of peace that it engenders. This follows naturally from the alternatives to conflict that we practice. For us, peace is not a void described by the absence of conflict, anger or war. Peace is an actual experience.