Why Creating Mutual Solutions in Your Relationships Brings Peace and Joy
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MAUDE: There is an incomparable pleasure to be found in seeking and creating mutual solutions. The very act of embarking down a path together where the adventure of mutuality awaits you, brings an experience of your connection to the forefront. This has a positive effect in and of itself.
When making decisions and looking for answers to perceived problems, it is possible to find resolutions that work for both of you. It is possible to let go of having to be right, of having things your way, or of having to give something up to keep peace. In fact, these methods of separateness and denial bring anything but peace. Instead, they bring stress and a slow-building sense of distance between people.
We share a process you can employ that is free of conflict and filled with the open exchange of ideas and a gentle flexibility, where both of you are sharing and discovering together your deeper desires and the values they represent; where you are finding together something that pleases both of you.
Seeking mutual resolutions brings more than just finding what works for both of you. You are creating something together that wasn’t there before; something that grew from the interaction between you. Not only does peace pervade this path toward mutuality, but it also brings forth the clear understanding that you are both on the same side; that there is a ‘we’ that has real substance. The more often you experience finding mutual solutions, the stronger your awareness of the ‘we’ becomes.
As this sense of connection becomes more and more palpable, it fills the day to day experiences with a joyful, peaceful calm. The action of creating mutuality changes from a way of reaching solutions and making decisions to a more general way of being together.
This understanding of really being on the same side, and of the profound joy, surprise and adventure that this path opens up, gives you a quiet sense of warmth and love that strengthens and deepens every moment of your relationship.Awareness of being on the same side deepens every moment of your relationship #quote #relationships Click To Tweet
PHIL: We’ve developed a way for resolving differences by talking calmly, expressing our positions and feelings and continuing to suggest new possibilities until we find a solution that works for both of us. Rather than being an unpleasant conflict, this approach has a different quality to it that is rather like solving a puzzle.
We have come to see that this interactive process has a parallel in how we connect much of the time. It hasn’t been obvious because daily life doesn’t have the same high profile as an event resolving differences, but the same elements are there. Hearing the other person. Appreciating their differences. Being open to new possibilities. And just as our process for resolving differences has a pleasurable quality to it, so does this style of daily living. You might think that we’re saying no more than that life and relationships are pleasurable, and indeed they are, but being actively aware of how you interact and the ever present possibilities of something new and different arising turns the mundane into the sacred. Every moment is filled with potential. By letting go of assumptions of what will happen, you make room for the new and unexpected.
This is scary, of course, which is why it is not easy to do. Your regular path and regular expectations are where you find comfort and safety, but you need variety, surprise and novelty to truly be alive. This openness will deepen the connections you have with everyone.
Photo credit: Madonna Inn guest
Photo note: Phil and Maude at Madonna Inn
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Somehow your words make what seems mundane an adventure in disguise. Too often I can miss the opportunity to walk through a difficult exchange that offers that very chance to bridge our differences because it is truly uncomfortable. Clearly both parties have to want to create new answers…YES! Solving the puzzle rather than challenging each party is the key. I am glad to keep that little suggestion and apply it where I can. Thank you!
Dear Iris,
Thank you for saying how our blog gives you insight. It is so inspiring to know that our words can make a difference for you.