Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week we said that how you make decisions and find mutual solutions is a pattern for your relationships. Here are some people who have enumerated important factors in a healthy relationship.

8 Keys to a Strong Relationship “So what makes a relationship strong? Is it all about trust? Sexual satisfaction? Or something else? To help answer this universal question, researchers used machine learning to examine relationship variables in 11,196 couples during a 2020 study. They found that, above all, feeling your partner was committed to the relationship for the long haul and how appreciative you are of your mate were the largest predictors of relationship satisfaction.”

9 Qualities of the Most Successful Relationships “In working with couples for more than four decades, I have been able to observe how committed partnerships are influenced by society’s changing definitions of what a quality relationship is. But despite those changing mores and values, I have also witnessed that some characteristics of successful relationships have remained constant independent of those influences.”

Think you’re in a healthy relationship? Couples therapists share 10 must-have qualities for long-lasting love “In a healthy relationship, both you and your partner feel connected to each other and are satisfied with how the relationship is going. That may sound obvious, but an estimated 40% to 50% of marriages, in particular, in the US end in divorce. So establishing a healthy relationship is often easier said than done. There are many factors that make up a healthy relationship, like commitment and trust, which can help you navigate problems and stay together. Here are 10 signs that you’re in a healthy relationship.”

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This week, we wrote about why fairness and trust are so important to your relationships. Here are two more view on this topic, and another one from us.

Trust in a Relationship: Why It’s Important—and How to Build It “Building trust between you and your partner is fundamental to a successful and healthy relationship. That’s because trust goes hand in hand with essential components of a relationship, such as honesty, open communication, vulnerability, and respect, making it of paramount importance. “Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Lack of trust can sabotage a relationship before it begins,” says Reena B. Patel.”

Avoid Making Lists and Keeping Score in Your Relationships “The ease during our lock-down reminded us that we don’t behave like many couples do: making lists and keeping score. We don’t have an internal accountant maintaining a balance sheet tracking what we have each done in order to maintain fairness. We just don’t do it at all; it doesn’t even come up. Let’s take a look at why, and how this can be avoided.”

Is Your Relationship Fair? “In real life, do both partners really care about fairness? We all probably all know at least one long-suffering martyr who has been persuaded to feel obligated to some ungrateful mate. Not to mention, the media often portrays dating couples and relationship partners more like predator vs. prey than as complementary collaborators. So, what’s the truth here? Are people fair or selfish in their romantic relationships? Does it really matter? And if it does, what can we do about it?”

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to show gratitude and give thanks in your relationships. There are a number of very interesting studies showing positive results from expressing gratitude.

Gratitude: the simple way to make your relationship better and happier “Research studies have found that people who focus on things they were grateful for feel better about their lives, more optimistic and experience health benefits compared to those who looked at their daily irritations or just recall events that didn’t affect them positively or negatively. Gratitude helps people experience positive emotions and get even more pleasure from good experiences. Importantly expressing thankfulness helps people deal with life’s struggles more positively, it can even be a great coping mechanism. There are physical benefits too: better health, sleep, increased energy levels, easing of depressive symptoms and more.”

Why It’s Important to Give Thanks in Your Relationship “Wood et al propose that gratitude is important to a relationship not only because it fosters positive feelings between partners, but also because it recognizes the importance of your partner as a “person.” In the Strong Relationship Model (SRM), the underlying framework of the research, when you acknowledge what your partner does for you, this reinforces the idea that your partner is more than an object—not just someone who is there to satisfy your own needs and wishes.”

Giving thanks can make you happier “With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, being grateful also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power. In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

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This week in our blog, we discussed how important it is to see the other’s viewpoint in your relationship. Here are some articles written about different aspects of this topic.

Learning to See Things From Your Partner’s Point of View “What we really want is to be truly understood. And to be really seen by the person we care about. To find someone who can read our minds and meet our needs. To find true love and intimacy that lasts a lifetime…. But despite our deep longing to be connected with the one we choose to be with, Happy Ever After rarely happens. Most often, when one partner is angry, the other person becomes angry back or shuts down. During conflict, the two partners disconnect from each other. The relationship suffers as people become disillusioned with their partner.”

The Importance of Taking the Perspective of Others “In order to resolve conflict constructively, so that all parties are satisfied with the outcome, a person must be able to hold all the opposing ideas, positions, and perspectives in mind at the same time and still function effectively. Successful problem-solving and conflict resolution largely depends on a person’s ability to take the opponent’s cognitive and affective perspectives and understand how the conflict appears to the other person and how that person is reacting emotionally and attitudinally.”

Embracing the Perspective of Your Wife, Husband or Romantic Partner “Learning to understand and appreciate your wife, husband, or romantic partner’s perspective is an essential skill. Your mutual happiness depends on seeing and feeling what life is like from the perspective of your mate. Couples that fail to empathetically embrace their mate’s perspective, his or her way of perceiving the world, remain unhappy.”

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to know your truth and share it in your relationships. It’s an essential part of good relationships, and here is some good advice on ways to do this.

The Power of Speaking Our Truth in Intimate Relationships “People say that truth is subjective. It is. People say that the truth will set you free. And it does. People say many thing about the truth but not many really speak theirs. Sadly, this is a huge missed opportunity for radical and authentic self-expression. But what’s worse is that not speaking our truth stands in the way of having deep and meaningful relationships. We don’t realise that by not sharing our truth, we deprive ourselves of what we most value: love.”

Building Intimacy: How to Speak your Truth in Relationship “From my own past personal experience and my work with clients, I see communication as one of the biggest areas for improvement in intimacy. When needs and feelings go unspoken, especially over long periods of time, fertile ground is created for misunderstanding and feelings of hurt between the two precious people in a relationship.”

Speaking Your Truth to Live a Life of Authenticity “Do you find it easier to talk about speaking your truth than actually doing it? Speaking up and speaking your truth is an essential aspect of living a life of passion, fulfillment, and authenticity. However, we struggle to find ways to speak our truth for many of us, myself included. Not too long ago, I was talking to a friend who told me a poignant and powerful story about speaking his truth.”

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