Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments

In this week’s blog and the season of desire for peace on earth, we wrote about how to spread peace through your relationship. Here are some words of wisdom about this very important subject.

A Human Approach to World Peace “The premise behind this idea of universal responsibility is the simple fact that, in general terms, all others’ desires are the same as mine. Every being wants happiness and does not want suffering. If we, as intelligent human beings, do not accept this fact, there will be more and more suffering on this planet. If we adopt a self-centred approach to life and constantly try to use others for our own self-interest, we may gain temporary benefits, but in the long run we will not succeed in achieving even personal happiness, and world peace will be completely out of the question.”

13 Practical Steps to Inner Peace “In a culture that venerates busyness and constant stimulation, you have to make peace a priority if you want to reap the benefits. Finding inner peace is more about being than doing. It’s about leaning toward rather than struggling against. It’s about being fully present and focused on the task at hand.”

World peace “World peace, or peace on Earth, is the concept of an ideal state of happiness, freedom and peace within and among all people and nations on Planet Earth. This idea of world nonviolence is one motivation for people and nations to willingly cooperate, either voluntarily or by virtue of a system of governance that has this objective. Different cultures, religions, philosophies and organisations have varying concepts on how such a state would come about.”

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This week, we wrote about why neediness is bad for your relationship. These articles discuss ways to tackle neediness in your relationship.

Who Wants to Be Needy? Six Solutions “In this post, we’ll look at the impact of clinginess and what you can do about it. For this purpose, you’ll need to understand the genesis of dependency issues in an otherwise healthy man or woman. Plus, we’ll examine what it’s like to be clung to. A lot can be done on both sides to make the relationship hum again.”

8 Signs You’re Way Too Emotionally Needy (And How To Fix It) “It’s OK to reach out and ask for help… sometimes. And that’s okay. It’s when you find that you are emotionally needy that takes a toll on relationships and has consequences. Yet, being overly emotionally needy — too demanding, clingy, annoying, fragile — can spell disaster. And that’s why this relationship advice is especially important for couples.”

What Does It Really Mean to Be Needy? “We hear the word “needy” thrown around in conversation all the time. Usually it’s brought up with contempt. Ughhh, she’s so needy. She calls all the time, and wants to know where I am. It’s ridiculous. His neediness is just too much. He wants to spend every single moment together. The details of the conversations might be different. But that doesn’t matter. The message is the same: Needy is not something we want to be. Needy is one of the worst things we can be in a relationship. In our society, neediness is seen as an undesirable trait, a character flaw. But it’s none of these things.”

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By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Love, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments

In this week’s blog, we wrote about why core values are so important in your relationship. Here is a selection of articles sharing their views on this topic.

Are Relationships Workable When You Have Clashing Values? “I remember a few years ago I was in a relationship with a woman whom I loved deeply. The passion and feelings were there. They were strong. Yet, the relationship never felt right. In terms of our values, we were mismatched. While my heart was in it, my head was trying to pull me away. Our emotional connection was fierce, but we did not connect in some of the crucial areas of alignment.”

13 Things That Are More Important In A Relationship Than Looks Or Money Good article if you’re able to ignore the annoying GIFs “Money can’t buy you love, and, for that matter, neither can smokin’ hot looks or an amazing job or any kind of outside material at all. We all know this, but what are the things that are more important than looks in a relationship. I enlisted a troop of relationship experts, psychotherapists, dating counselors, a life coach and a clinical hypnotherapist to tell me what they hold to be much more vital in relationships than the way a person looks or the number on their bank statement, and their answers were striking.”

Why shared values are more important than shared interests “If you have shared values, regardless of your interests, your relationship has a good chance of success. On the other hand, if you have no shared values but lots of common interests, you might have a great time together for a while but when it comes to making decisions about marriage, children and careers, you could find that you lack the strong foundations that move you forward.”

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In this week’s blog, we’ve written about a form of reframing that can improve your relationship. Here’ are some articles that present positive reframing in different and interesting ways.

What Kind of Frame is Your Relationship in? “In counseling, it’s common to hear stories about how a person believes their significant other has “changed” over the years. While this might certainly hold elements of truth, it’s also possible that we have changed the way we “frame” their qualities, based on our own thoughts and perceptions. None of us are perfect! Every relationship has elements of positive and negative, to varying degrees. How we view our significant other depends on the frame we choose to use. This is the concept of reframing.”

30 Positive Reframes: How to Start Changing Your Perspective on Life “The single most important attribute in cultivating happiness and success in your life is your ability to create positive reframes. A positive reframe is taking a situation and trying to find something good in it. It’s incredibly simple in theory, but it can be very difficult to practice. Two people can have the same exact experience but walk away from it with a completely different perspective and interpretation of the facts. This is the power of reframing.”

Say I Do to Positive Thinking and Thriving Relationships “The Top Five Movement helps you notice the positive qualities, acts and strengths in other people. And the Top Five Movement helps others notice the positive qualities, acts and strengths in you. Doesn’t that sound like a win-win and something worth giving a crack? Writing a Top Five is pretty powerful stuff. It’s not just about thinking to yourself, “Wowza, my hair looks amazing today.” That’s great; we all love a good hair day. But the act of sitting down and writing a Top Five means that you are analysing your day, your people, your actions, your world for the good. That practise becomes a part of your consciousness, and you become a master of positive thinking. From there, your gracious and optimistic perspective turns to gracious and optimistic actions, and you become more connected, confident and communicative. You become more mindful, emotionally balanced and generous. You are awesome.”

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In this week’s blog we discussed our unique perspective on Mutuality. Here are some articles presenting different but interesting perspectives.

Joanne Davila: Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships This is a transcript of a TEDx talk. “Mutuality is about knowing that both people have needs and that both sets of needs matter. With mutuality, you’ll be able to convey your own needs in a clear, direct fashion that increases the likelihood that you’ll get them met.”

The Yoga of Relationships “When we learn to treat others with relational skillfulness, we are practicing yoga. The ultimate goal of Yoga is union—union with the divine essence in ourselves and in the world around us. Like a wave in the great ocean of existence, human beings have the capacity to melt our sense of separateness and experience oneness with everything and everyone.”

The Meaning of Mutuality This is an academic paper with a very fascinating treatment of mutuality “This paper explores relationships characterized by mutual intersubjectivity, in which individuals relate to one another based on an interest in each other as whole, complex people. Traditional psychoanalytic theory and object relations theory have emphasized a line of development marked by increasing internal structure, boundedness and use of the other as a need-gratifying “object.” Today, many women are concerned with growth through relationships founded on mutuality.”

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