Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with

In this week’s blog we discussed the importance of authenticity in your relationship: “An authentic person is someone who is who they say they are. They aren’t pretending to be somebody different. They don’t boast of a Harvard degree; they wear a watch for the time, not for status; they’re not in constant competition with others. When they ask about you, it’s because they want to know.”

We have some great articles describing facets of this issue for you.

The Authenticity Rule (+ 9 Tips) for Forging the Relationships That Matter Most “As humans, we’re hardwired to crave praise and acceptance from those around us. We have this innate drive to be accepted by our fellow man, so we conform to the image of ourselves we feel will be greeted most receptively by everyone. There’s a problem with this, though. By conforming to an image, you do eventually find acceptance somewhere or other, but it’s probably on a superficial level. It probably isn’t about who you really are.”

Being authentic in your relationships for more positive living “So why is it important to be authentic? Because it’s a thin line between trying to please everyone and losing sight of who you are whilst you go on an impossible quest to fill up your life with other people’s needs, wants, and expectations…even though they may not actually be in line with your own needs, wants, and expectations.”

Seeking Authenticity “What does it mean for someone to be truly authentic? And how many people do you know actually fit that description? Do you feel that you’re authentic? Let’s take a look at what this word truly suggests and just what blocks us from achieving authenticity.”

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By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Love, Reading, Relationships

In this week’s blog we asked how do you know if this is the right relationship for you. Some good articles here looking at various aspects of this question.

3 Ways to Know When a Relationship Isn’t Right for You “I was going out with a wonderful man. He was generous and caring and had a great sense of humor. He treated me well and attended to my every need. But something just wasn’t right. I battled with myself for over a month. Every time a fear surfaced about how quickly things were moving, I smoothed it over with a shrug or a hug or a reminder of how lucky I was to have found someone with whom to share my life.”

4 Ways to Figure Out If You’re With the Right Person or Not “For men and women in the early stages of a relationship—dating, moving in, or even engaged—there’s often one lingering question in the air. Skeptical friends and risk-averse relatives alike may ask it. Your girlfriend’s mother may turn to you at dinner party and ask, ‘I just have to know…what makes my daughter The One?’ Or your bachelorette party may be coming to its sloppy conclusion when your maid-of-honor blurts, ‘Are you sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with him?'”

How Do You Know that You’re with the Right Person? “At some point in most relationships, people ask themselves the same question, “Is this one the right person for me?” Whether you’re brand new or seven years in, it’s an inevitable question. The question isn’t necessarily born out of doubt or insecurity. It can be a normal, healthy skepticism to try and balance out your romantic, attachment feelings for your significant other. We may love someone immensely, but still not be compatible with him or her in the long-term.”

By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Love, Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

In this week’s blog we wrote about the heart of the matter – having a peaceful relationship. These articles look at the difference between partnership and competitive behavior.

Are You Competing in Your Relationship? “One of the cardinal rules of marriage is to recognize that you and your spouse are on the same team; at least you should be. Yes, we live in a world that is rife with competition…. In a relationship where we feel celebrated and supported, we are motivated to rise above our daily challenges. This in fact empowers us to be our best self and redounds to the benefit of the relationship.”

The ‘I’m Right, You’re Wrong’ Argument in Couples Therapy “….Being right gives you a rush of dopamine—the brain chemical associated with winning and victory. You may feel strong—even invincible. The problem with needing to be right is that if we hold it too tightly, it becomes a necessary component for feeling good in the relationship…. Effectively, this game creates division. We all want to be on the right side of the wall—not the wrong side. But that means your partner has to be on the wrong side. The more this dynamic is strengthened, the thicker that wall becomes, creating more division.”

Power struggles: Why being right can make everything wrong “To discontinue engaging in a power struggle, you need to move away from the adversarial energy of competition and control (me vs. you, I’m the boss and you’re not, I’m better/smarter than you are) to one of cooperation and camaraderie (We are a team. We can work this out. I cherish you.). Reconnection and the return to love can literally be just a heartbeat away. It involves taking a pause, becoming present and open to attune and commune in the spirit of curiosity, compassion and clemency. It’s about treating your partner as your best friend”

 

By Posted on Posted in compromise, Core Values, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with , ,

In this week’s blog we wrote about how to reach mutual solutions in your relationship. These articles address various aspects of finding solutions and doing so without compromising.

Want a great marriage? Don’t compromise. “I define compromise as each party going away equally unhappy. The reason is simple. Most people give in to others as a way to manage their own anxiety and their discomfort with conflict. Or, they give in hoping it will make their spouse happy. The problem is that they’ve just done damage to themselves and the relationship. Any time either partner walks away from a compromise even a little bit unhappy, they’ve done damage to the relationship.”

How Compromise Is Actually Hurting Your Relationship (And What To Do Instead) “Compromise implies that both people have to give up something they want in order to come up with a solution that is tolerable for both. While this all sounds noble and selfless, I think compromise as a solution may do more harm than good. Viewing compromise as your ideal solution requires that we enter a mindset of need rather than empowerment. We assume all we can get is the bare minimum rather than asking for what we really want. We settle rather than flourish.”

Happiness With Others: Practice Win–Win “The win–win process is fairly simple and straightforward, yet it is often not easy to pull off. This is so because it requires a much different mindset than most of us bring to our disagreements. Moreover, it requires some patience and self-control, as you will see below. But, by bothering to follow the process, you will be pleasantly surprised by the solutions you find and gratified by the increased happiness you derive from your relationships.”

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By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

In this week’s blog we wrote about how you fix a needy relationship. These articles cover various aspects of that, including from the partner’s point of view.

How to Become Whole in a Relationship “A solid relationship is two whole (or at least, fairly whole) people coming together because they love each other’s company. They’re not coming together because they need someone to love them all the time, because they need someone’s company all the time, because they need to be shown that they’re loved. If one person is whole but the other person is needy, dependent, insecure … the whole person will do the best that he or she can to help the other, but over the long run will feel weary of all the neediness and insecurity, and will feel resentment.”

How to Overcome Neediness “As ill-defined as the experience of neediness seems to be, psychologists have made great strides in unpacking this complex state of mind. One line of research, which emerged from an attempt to better understand depression, sheds a good deal of light on what makes neediness so incredibly painful. Defining neediness, rather inelegantly, as “a generalized, undifferentiated dependence on others and feelings of helplessness and fears of desertion and abandonment, “ the investigators discovered that it has an important relationship to depression.”

How Neediness and Emotional Insecurity Destroy Relationships “Feeling insecure in a relationship is horrible for the one who is feeling the insecurity. The burden – of fear and obsessive thoughts, of feeling powerless, of awful awareness that all this insecurity may actually itself be destroying what you treasure most – can feel pretty unbearable. But it’s also tough for the person on the receiving end of all that insecurity. The truth is that being involved with a really insecure person can be hell.”

How To Stop Being Needy In 2 Easy Steps “Have you been told in the past or recently that you are needy? Have past relationships specifically ended because he said you were too needy? If so, keep on reading because I will try to give you some tips on how to stop being needy. I have actually been told I am needy in the past and can honestly say that I wasn’t aware of it until the guy I was dating at the time mentioned it. I didn’t want to be that person and so I quickly got to work on stopping this unattractive trait.”

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