Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog we wrote about commitment. This week’s links discuss various aspects of this topic.

Committed Relationship – What Does That Really Mean? “Commitment also requires that each partner choose it themselves. I don’t believe anyone can force you to commit to something. You can certainly try, but ultimately a true commitment that comes from the heart has to come from each person of their own free will.”

Passion + Intimacy + Commitment = Consummate Love “Passion, intimacy, and commitment are the three pillars of couple-love, says psychologist, Robert Sternberg in his “triangular theory.” We may love based on intimacy, passion, or commitment, or any combination of the three.”

What Committed to a Relationship Means “A deeper level of commitment, the psychologists report, is a much better predictor of lower divorce rates and fewer problems in marriage.”

 

 

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In this week’s blog we wrote about sacred space, the time spent focused on each other. This week’s links are about that.

The Policy of Undivided Attention “Before you were married, spending time alone with each other was your highest priority. You probably spent the majority of your leisure time together, and the time you spent together was probably the most enjoyable part of every week. But after marriage, like so many other couples, you may find that you can be in the same room together and yet ignore each other emotionally. What’s even worse, you may find that you are not even in the same room together very often, particularly after your children arrived.”

How to Become the Sacred Couple “In this crazy modern world, being in a relationship with a partner sometimes comes second or third in priority to work, or whatever else is occupying your attention. However, it is possible to maintain a sacred relationship in this modern world of multitasking, but it requires an intentional choice on the part of each person in the relationship.”

When Love Is Not Enough: 4 Tips for a Strong Relationship “My husband and I were going through a difficult time a few years ago. It felt like a pivotal time in our relationship. We were not spending any quality time together, nor were we going out together as a couple…. It’s important to set some time aside to just be a couple; spend quality time together regularly, but especially during hard times. This doesn’t need to involve money; just a walk down the park together or along the beach will help. Just taking yourself out of your home environment will be beneficial.”

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In this week’s blog we wrote about whether differences are a strength or a weakness in a relationship, and concluded that, except for major differences, they are a positive. This week’s links write about that, including one that is about the benefits of diversity in groups.

The Myth of Irreconcilable Differences “In a court of law, if both partners of a married couple claim they have irreconcilable differences, the court will grant them a legal divorce – without even asking what the differences are! Joyce and I, on the other hand, having worked with thousands of couples over the last 37 years, challenge that there is no such thing as irreconcilable differences. We have seen that ANY difference can be not only tolerated, but even appreciated. But that takes real understanding and a commitment to love.”

How the Differences in Your Relationship Can Be Gifts “It’s in our nature as humans to gravitate towards those who have interests similar to our own. And in many ways, this serves us well. On the other hand, it doesn’t leave much room for experiencing all that life has to offer. By opening ourselves up to another way of living and being, we can make more educated decisions about what we want our own lives to look like. These varied life experiences allow us to express ourselves more fully and be more authentically present in the world.”

How Diversity Makes Us Smarter is about differences in organizations, not between two people, but it offers an interesting different perspective on the same issue. “Decades of research by organizational scientists, psychologists, sociologists, economists and demographers show that socially diverse groups (that is, those with a diversity of race, ethnicity, gender and sexual orientation) are more innovative than homogeneous groups. It seems obvious that a group of people with diverse individual expertise would be better than a homogeneous group at solving complex, nonroutine problems. It is less obvious that social diversity should work in the same way—yet the science shows that it does. This is not only because people with different backgrounds bring new information. Simply interacting with individuals who are different forces group members to prepare better, to anticipate alternative viewpoints and to expect that reaching consensus will take effort.”

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In this week’s blog we wrote about growth and change in the new year. These articles offer resolutions for the new year and observations on personal growth.

New Year’s Resolution for Your Relationship: More Kissing “What’s a fast way to stay more connected with your partner in the new year? How about more kissing? Daily kissing. Not just a peck, but real contact. What does a kiss do? Well, it may just do more than you think and everything you need.”

New Year’s resolutions for your relationship “Lots of people make a New Year’s resolution, but how many have resolved to improve their relationship this January? While you might take the annual vow to lose weight, save money or stop biting your finger nails, it’s easy to forget the resolutions that could improve things not just for you, but your partner and children too.”

How To Use Your Relationship For Spiritual Growth “Intimate relationships present us with one of our best opportunities for growth. They often trigger our deepest, oldest wounds. They’re supposed to do this. Why? So we can heal. Ideally, the relationship becomes a safe container and a crucible for transformation for each of you individually, and for the relationship as a whole. In order to use it as such, you need one major thing: Radical honesty. Bring all your issues with you to your relationship. Share them.”

 

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In this week’s blog we wrote about the only way that works: the Golden Rule. These articles have some wonderful discussions on this topic.

The Golden Rule is a post from the author of “Ethics and the Golden Rule” “Let’s consider an example of how the rule is used. President Kennedy in 1963 appealed to the golden rule in an anti-segregation speech at the time of the first black enrollment at the University of Alabama. He asked whites to consider what it would be like to be treated as second-class citizens because of skin color. Whites were to imagine themselves being black — and being told that they couldn’t vote, or go to the best public schools, or eat at most public restaurants, or sit in the front of the bus. Would whites be content to be treated that way? He was sure that they wouldn’t — and yet this is how they treated others. He said the ‘heart of the question is … whether we are going to treat our fellow Americans as we want to be treated.'”
He also has a great chronology.

Living the Golden Rule/Applied Ethics “Applied ethics studies moral issues (like lying and stealing), or moral questions in specific areas (like business or medicine). People who study applied ethics, while searching for ideas to help live better lives, are often relativistic—arguing that values vary depending on the point of view of the observer. The golden rule answers both concerns. The golden rule is a useful tool for moral living that also counters the relativism (since it’s a globally accepted norm that can be defended rationally).”

Philosophical reflections on the golden rule “The Golden Rule serves the needs of educated and uneducated people alike, and stimulates philosophers to codify its meanings in new formulations. Given the equal, basic worth of each individual, the rule implies a requirement of consistency; as Samuel Clarke put it, “Whatever I judge reasonable or unreasonable for another to do for me; that, by the same judgment, I declare reasonable or unreasonable, that I in the like case should do for him.” In addition, the Rule carries implications for social, economic, and political matters. In one form or another, with interpretations that differ and overlap, the Rule is a precious word in the shared language of our world”

 

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