Reading Corner

In this week’s blog we asked whether you can avoid drama in your relationship. We found many different approaches to this question, so we have more links than usual this week. Hope you enjoy them!

7 Crucial Steps to Minimize Drama in Your Life “For a long time, I lamented all the damaging relationships I’d been in, as if I was some kind of victim who always got the short end of the stick. Then one day I realized there was a reason I always found myself in dramatic relationships: I was attracted to drama like a moth to a flame.”

How To Avoid Drama In Your Relationship “We talk a lot about “drama” when it comes to relationships and how to avoid it. Drama – in this case, unnecessary or manufactured conflict – is frequently the boogieman of dating; … But we rarely ever stop to think that we might be the ones causing drama.”

Drama “One way to look at drama in relationships is with a model called the Karpman Drama Triangle. The model has three ‘triangle roles’ –Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor–and by implication, one ‘non-triangling role, the ‘adult’.”

Deeper Dating: Passion Without The Drama “Many of us have wasted years in relationships whose hallmarks were conflict and drama…. As we get older, however, melodrama becomes increasingly less acceptable, and compatibility and kindness begin to look more and more desirable. But this doesn’t mean the end of adventure. We can have and enjoy the deep thrills of romantic love and the comfort of stability at the same time.”

Breaking the Addiction to Drama in Your Relationships “What we often dismiss as “drama” is actually unprocessed pain. If you or your love seem to have an addiction to drama, this is your chance to get clean.”

In this week’s blog we wrote about the process we use to make decisions, solve problems and create mutual solutions. Other articles covering aspects of that:

Effective Listening “Here are a few rules to start the process: Never interrupt when the other person is speaking. Allow the speaker to complete his or her thought. Eliminate distractions – put your book down or turn off the television. Maintain eye contact while the other person is speaking. Pull your chair closer and lean toward the speaker. Keep your posture open – directly face your partner and leave your arms and legs uncrossed. Give verbal and nonverbal responses to what the speaker is saying – “yes, I see,” nod your head, smile, or frown when it’s appropriate.”

5 Keys To Active Listening For Couples “What follows are five keys to active listening for couples. Some of these tips may seem obvious while others will require you to pause and think. Read them all so that you can more fully absorb their deeper meaning. When you are done, reflect upon some of your past conversations with your mate and identify the areas that need improvement.”

OUR CONFLICT-FREE RELATIONSHIP “Early in our relationship, we began to notice that we hadn’t had an argument in over a year. We both had enough age and experience to find this unusual, so we started to examine the factors made our relating so peaceful and devoid of anger and recrimination. First we made a list of what wasn’t causing the lack of conflict:
* It wasn’t avoidance. We both have a strong sense of self that does not accept self-effacement or a sense of being manipulated.
* It wasn’t the initial euphoria of the honeymoon phase. That had worn off.
* It wasn’t just that we had luckily stumbled on a peaceful year. Living without conflict was different in its essence from even occasional conflict.”

This week’s blog covers our anniversary trip during which we wrote independently, only to discover we both covered the themes of total acceptance, being present and making time for each other. As these are core themes of successful relationships, this week we’re linking to blogs we’ve written about these topics.

What is Sacred Space in a Relationship? “One of the keys to experiencing the kind of intimacy that unites a couple is spending time in your sacred space together. In the early stages of your relationship there were times when you came together and exulted in the sheer pleasure of being with the other person. We call this a sacred space. What do we mean?”

You Need Total Acceptance For a Successful Relationship “Have you felt completely accepted by someone in your life? Do you know how the experience of full acceptance changes you? Many people do not have any frame of reference to understand these questions. The relationships in their life have taught them to be defended and withholding. They are always on the look out to fend off criticism and correction. That is why we feel it is so important to share and discuss what total acceptance can bring into a relationship, and what it looks and feels like.”

The Power of Being Present Within a Relationship “When you are not filled with projections of how things should or could be, not filled with thoughts of the past or the future, then you wind up occupying the present. This act of being present brings many marvels with it. It leads to new and exciting experiences. It imbues shared experiences with a quality of creativity and co-creativity. Presence is a matter of the degree to which you are focused on the events in front of you. Being present is responding to what is actually happening, rather than reacting according to your previous experiences or future concerns. When in presence, you are not busy trying to create a specific future outcome.”

In this week’s blog we wrote about the importance of personal space in a relationship. Here are several articles with personal stories about that.

Forget sex, the secret to a long-lasting relationship is space “When our daughter was six months old and we were struggling with the pressures of being new parents, my partner Stephen asked me if he could join a mountaineering expedition to Pakistan.”

Suffocating in a Relationship? “Space issues plague just about every couple at one time or another. For many, it’s an ongoing source of contention. The most common sticking points are how much time to spend together, and how much physical affection feels right to each partner. But regardless of the details of the dispute, the same question is at the core of most of these conflicts: Where does the “us” end and the “I” begin? Experts agree that couples need to find a balance between togetherness and individuality.”

Why Space in a Relationship Is NOT a Bad Thing “When I was younger, I was guilty of smothering my boyfriends. I would jump into a relationship and leave me behind in the process. I would engage in their interests and activities, and forget to pursue my own path in life. I was always unhappy during these relationships. Now I know that when you are not being true to yourself and following your life purpose, you can’t feel anything but unhappy!”

In this week’s blog we wrote about the small things in your relationship that might be overlooked. Here are several articles about the little things that count.

8 Little Things You Can Do to Strengthen Your Relationship “…little things could enhance your relationship in many ways: They can increase intimacy and are non-verbal ways to express your love. They’re also simple ways to show your significant other some gratitude and can help strengthen your bond. Here are eight ways to turn a good relationship into one that is even more exciting and passionate.”

The Little Things That Matter In Every Relationship “In this self-centered world, it’s hard to keep a romantic relationship going strong. Break-ups happen often for no reason at all, or a reason that could have been overcome if only there was a will to do so. Sometimes, it’s the small things that keeps a couple together for a long time. Here are 10 little things that matter in every relationship.”

Relationship tip: It’s the little things that count “there are eight little things that can make a big difference in a marriage to keep the spark ignited…. a few small actions practiced by couples daily can be a game changer for the better.”