Reading Corner

This week we blogged about why we wrote our new book, and we can’t find any links about that! So instead, here are some excerpts from our new book, “How Two: Have a Successful Relationship.”

Another Way

We live a conflict-free relationship. It’s been more than a decade now full of peace, love, joy and passion. Friends check in with us every so often: “So you still haven’t had any arguments?” The answer is always “No.”

Acceptance

Squabbles in a relationship are like stones in your shoes; they don’t have to be there.

Individuality

One of the keys to a peaceful and joyous way of relating is to accept and respect each other as two separate and absolutely unique individuals. In our relationship, this is a critical part of how we are with each other.

Our Process

When there is something we need to agree on, whether it be a decision we have to make or a problem that needs to be resolved, we have found a way of dealing with it that does not involve any struggle or conflict.

Being Present

Being present means paying attention to what is actually happening. We get on so well because we practice this with each other; what is in the moment is more important to us than what has happened or what might happen.

Sexuality, Intimacy and Union

For us, as for many couples, sexuality is a place where we have a direct experience of union – a sense that we have merged to form one body. The sense of self as an individual, separate experience still remains, but there is this additional sense of connectedness. Sex is like a step-ladder; it enables us to reach a higher place, a vista of union that transcends the physical.

Peace

One of the most surprising aspects of our relationship is the direct experience of peace that it engenders. This follows naturally from the alternatives to conflict that we practice. For us, peace is not a void described by the absence of conflict, anger or war. Peace is an actual experience.

This week’s blog was on how differences need not be problems, and how knowing yourself is a key to achieving this. Here are some articles on these areas.

Marriage: 7 Ways to be more accepting of your spouse “When you’re happy and fulfilled as an individual, you’ll be less critical of your partner. You are 100% capable of meeting your own needs. This takes a lot of pressure off the marriage. It boils down to personal responsibility for self-love. If you love yourself and are responsible for your own happiness, you’re able to love your partner simply for being your partner instead of seeing your partner as a need-meeter.”

20 Things You Must Accept If You Want Your Relationship To Succeed “Acceptance is what will get you through to the other side. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that you can choose it for exactly what it is. Because when you do choose it for what it is and what it isn’t, it brings something entirely new into your world.”

How the Differences in Your Relationship Can Be Gifts “When relationships reach a rocky patch or fail altogether, it’s easy to cite another person’s flaws as the culprit. Pointing fingers is, after all, far easier than self-examination. Yet, if you recognize that all your relationships, romantic or otherwise, serve as a mirror for yourself, you’d realize that these “flaws” are present in you too. Getting angry or irritated after recognizing them in someone else means that you are denying them in yourself and not fully accepting the “bad” with the “good.””

Last week’s blog discussed how a relationship becomes filled with peace when there is no conflict. We feel this is such an important topic that we are including further links that discuss it.

What Makes Conflict? How Are Conflicts Resolved? “What is conflict? Conflict is disagreement, but contrary to popular belief conflict does not necessarily involve fighting. As I explain in my book From Conflict to Resolution, conflict exists in any situation where facts, desires or fears pull or push participants against each other or in divergent directions.”

Six Steps for Resolving Conflicts “Mark learned that conflicts don’t need to be volatile and negative. Conflicts can actually lead to increased understanding and creative thinking. It’s how we deal with conflict that determines the outcome.”

The Dos and Don’ts of Arguing: My Tips for Keeping the Peace in Your Relationship “Don’t get me wrong, I am not Mr. Perfect. I’ve made some big mistakes when it comes to conflict resolution in relationships. I mean, we all have our moments—it’s only human. But I began to notice that most of my conflict was caused by miscommunication.”

This week’s blog was on how a relationship becomes filled with peace when there is no conflict. Here are some articles that make some suggestions.

5 Rules for Relationship Peace “Baylor University psychologists recently interviewed 3,539 married couples … it turned out that the tension that actually led to the fight itself almost always related to the deeper issues of whether the partners felt understood or valued.”

20 Life Skills to Keep Peace in Your Relationship “The problem is not that we have differences in our relationship, the problem lies in the way we handle those differences. When our ego gets in the way, we can easily say or do things that threaten the peace of our relationship and increase the level of relationship stress.”

Finding Peace In Relationships Between Partnered Souls “We have programmed ourselves with an image and idea of what the ideal relationship should look like. These ideas are created based on wanting to feel a sense of happiness and satisfaction, two emotional experiences that will never lead us to true peace.”

This week’s blog was on whether relationships have to have conflict. The prevailing belief is that they do; we say absolutely not. It’s been a bit of a stretch to find links to share with you, but here are some articles to consider.

14 Ways to Resolve Conflicts and Solve Relationship Problems “When problem-solving everyday issues becomes a tug-of-war over who’s right and who’s wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. “A better alternative is what I call the win-win waltz,” says marriage expert Susan Heitler, Ph.D., author of The Power of Two. “We toss information back and forth, we have an ‘aha!’ moment, and we come up with solutions that work very well for both of us.””

Is a Conflict Free Marriage Possible? “Even those who presume that a conflict-free long-term relationship is unachievable are interested in reducing conflict and increasing harmony in their unions.”

The 8 Top Secrets Of Couples That Don’t Fight (Often…At Least) “You know you’ve seen those couples that seem like they never fight. Even though they annoy the poop out of you, you wonder how do they do it?! What is their secret to success? Well, I’ve got news for you. There isn’t one answer and there’s no mystery behind their non-arguing magic. They simply work at it.”