Reading Corner

This week’s blog was on how to transform your relationship and live in the present. Here are a few articles on this topic with some excellent thoughts.

4 Steps to Transform Your Relationships “In essence, we often interact with people based on our fantasies and assumptions about them instead of based on who they actually are and what they actually say.”

Transform Your Relationship by Assuming the Best Intentions “I used to think he was out to get me. The man of my dreams was continually plotting to undermine my happiness in countless ways, all for some mysterious reason I couldn’t comprehend.”

10 Ways to Transform Your Marriage “A marriage that is a true union of souls – a connection of love, respect, romance, and spiritual oneness – sounds like a fairy tale. But it’s possible to build such a relationship”

48 Hours That Will Transform Your Relationship “One way is through Marathon Talking. Two people take turns talking for 48 hours. One talks for 24 hours while the other listens. Then they switch places. It sounds extreme. It is. And it works.”

This week’s blog was on “How to Have a Relationship Without Anger and Arguments.” Our viewpoint is radically different; most writers espouse conflict as being inevitable. This first article is a rare exception.

Beware Of Mistaken Marriage Advice That “All Couples Fight” “‘Fighting fair’ from my perspective is still fighting. My own belief is that emotionally mature and skillful couples don’t fight at all. When they are mad, they pause to calm down. They then deal with the sensitive issue via quiet, cooperative talking.”

The following links assert that conflict is inevitable, but they have some helpful advice.

How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship ” Communication is key to resolving conflict. The bedrock of good communication? Fully listening to your partner without building a case in your head of how your partner is wrong”

10 Ways Overcome Conflicts in Relationships and Grow Together “Instead of seeing conflict as a threat to a relationship, what if we reframed this and saw conflict as an opportunity and a sign of growth in a relationship?”

This week our blog is about not fighting about the little things in your relationship, aka which way should the toilet paper go? Here are a few articles on this topic with some excellent suggestions on how to work with this issue.

However, we approach this quite differently. Our experience is that it is possible to completely sidestep anger and fighting, and such a transformation completely alters the handling of disagreements within your relationship. Transformation is something that takes place in an instant – it was this way and now it is not. We think you will enjoy and be able to use our ideas and the ones presented in the articles we have selected. Pick and chose what will work for you, but do consider something new, like a complete transformation!

Choose Your Battles: Fighting Less in Relationships “We made everything an issue. I’ve since learned that healthy relationships require a little discernment as to what’s a problem and what’s just small stuff; and that sometimes, the instinct to sweat all that small stuff is a sign of a bigger problem—that the relationship may just not be right.”

6 Things Every Couple Should Stop Doing “…this got me thinking about all the failed relationships and marriages I’ve witnessed over the years, and what they had in common. So I started jotting down notes, and before I knew it I had the perfect outline for this post – six things every couple should stop doing.”

11 Hints for Resolving Relationship Irritations “But while we’re taught not to sweat the small stuff and to pick our battles, it’s these tiny transgressions that can build and become big stumbling blocks in a relationship.”

In this week’s blog article we asked why core values are important in relationships. Here are some other authors with useful insights.

Why shared values are more important than shared interests “If you have shared values, regardless of your interests, your relationship has a good chance of success. On the other hand, if you have no shared values but lots of common interests, you might have a great time together for a while but when it comes to making decisions about marriage, children and careers, you could find that you lack the strong foundations that move you forward.”

What Core Values Mean to Love “When we don’t consciously define our core values, we let people, places or things outside of us sway our decisions. In love relationships, this shows up when we react or respond to the whims of our partner. We use our confusion, uncertainty and doubt to rationalize our partner’s bad behavior and question his actions, even though we know we deserve better.”

Understanding your core values in relationships (no they’re not your common interests) “One of the things that people are most confused about and that I get asked a lot of questions about, is the issue of ‘common interests’ and letting superficial things inadvertently get mixed in with your ‘core’ values.”

In this week’s blog article we wrote about how you can’t talk and listen at the same time. Other writers offer their suggestions for active listening.

Practicing Active Listening Can Improve Your Relationship “Often partners are convinced that they are excellent listeners. However, when asked, many partners are unable to give an adequate summary of what their partner was saying. Partners aren’t always conscious of their tendency to plan what they are going to say next.”

Attention Couples: Becoming a Skilled Listener and Effective Speaker “listening isn’t an innate ability all people possess; it’s a skill we need to cultivate. And it’s a critical one for couples, because the foundation of successful communication is being able to truly listen to each other, without ‘constructing a counter argument in your head'”

Listening–With Your Heart as Well as Your Ears “How often have you heard these statements? ‘You’re not listening to me!’… ‘Why don’t you let me finish what I’m saying?’… ‘If you only let me, I’ll tell you!’… ‘I may as well be talking to a brick wall!… ‘You just don’t understand!’… ‘But that’s not what I said!’ If you hear any of these comments coming from your partner, children, friends, or co-workers, perhaps it’s true that ‘you’re not listening’–really listening to the people who are important in your life.”