Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Our Process, Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with ,

This week, we mused upon some of the important aspects of how we are together and how they can apply to all relationships. Here are some of our favorite blogs covering those topics.

How to Work Through Disagreements to Reach a Mutual Solution “you may find yourself at odds with your partner, friend or relative when discussing your wants and needs in a particular situation. It is important to peaceful relating to have a process for preventing this kind of disagreement from turning into a full-blown conflict. When the decision affects both of you, it can seem at first that there is no solution, but as long as you are both flexible, that’s rarely the case. There are ways to not only transform a potential argument but instead to actually find solutions and make decisions that create an even stronger sense of agreement and mutuality.”

How to Experience Peace as a Living Reality in Your Relationships “Peace is sometimes regarded as an absence or a state of inertness, like the peace of the dead, but thinking that way obscures that it is an actual experience like many others. Just as you can be in a state of agitation or worry or panic, you can also be in a state of peace. It’s a sense of not being pulled in any direction, of contentment, of tranquility. It’s very much connected with being present, because when you’re thinking about the future, you’re planning to change something or be somewhere. Peace is a state you can reside in, once you have recognized and experienced it. It comes down to having an intention to be that way, and the more you have the experience of being in that space, the easier it is to find and remain in it.”

Why it is Important to Learn What Your Core Values Are “Every time we give a course on how to have harmonious peaceful relationships, we start by talking about core values and that always creates lots of conversation. Through our courses, we keep learning about different concerns people have in this area and finding new ways to address them. As it is a critical factor for creating peace and mutual solutions in relationships, a match of core values is very important. When we say match, we mean that they fit together, are the same or complementary, and not opposed.”

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By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about how balancing work, play and hanging out benefits your relationship. Here are some articles that cover different aspects of this topic.

The Benefits of Play for Adults “In our hectic, modern lives, many of us focus so heavily on work and family commitments that we never seem to have time for pure fun. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we stopped playing. When we carve out some leisure time, we’re more likely to zone out in front of the TV or computer than engage in fun, rejuvenating play like we did as children. But play is not just essential for kids; it can be an important source of relaxation and stimulation for adults as well.”

Have Fun! The Importance of Play in Couple Relationships “Boring, drab, lifeless, stale, dull, tedious. These are probably not the words you hope to use to describe your relationships. How about well planned, frugal, precise, productive, serious, busy? Though these can be characteristics of a strong, healthy relationship, they are not likely what make a relationship so appealing. What was it about the beginning of your relationship that made it so attractive? What is it about your partner that made you want to spend time with him or her? When couples first meet they usually spend a significant amount of time engaging in fun activities together and spending quality time getting to know each other”

Relax: Benefits of Leisure Go Beyond the Moment “Doing the things you enjoy can be good for your health, according to a new study by Professor Matthew Zawadzki, a health psychologist with the University of California, Merced. The study, published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine, shows that leisure activity can provide immediate stress relief and other health benefits to just about anyone. But as shown in Zawadzki’s previous research, the activity must be mentally engaging — too many distractions can negate the effects. “

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By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

This week we wrote our blog on how presence and acceptance add to your relationships. Although there is little talking about how these two are related, here are some articles on presence and acceptance.

6 Great Ways to Bring More Presence and Connection to Your Relationships “When was the last time you looked into the eyes of a stranger such as a guy taking your order or the woman at the checkout and really acknowledged their presence? Actually, when was the last time you looked into the eyes of your partner or your children for a prolonged stretch of time? In our hectic lives, we are always so busy trying to accomplish one thing or another, that it’s easy to become distracted and disconnected from the people around us.”

How to Cultivate Presence “When you cultivate being present, people notice and pay attention. You nonverbally communicate your self-worth, that you matter and expect to be respected. You gain presence that conveys self-acceptance. It enables you to be open and confident.”

Presence, Unconditionality, Acceptance and Connection “Lock a dog in a closet for three days and, when you let him out, he’s overjoyed to see you. He’s overjoyed not because you let him out, but just because you’re there. A dog has no sense of time. He can’t get trapped in the past or lost in the future. He is right here, right now, fully, completely and without quarter — always. Were that it were so easy for us to be the same.”

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By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments

In this week’s blog, we talked about how being defended stops you from being close in your relationships. Here are some other voices on this topic.

How to Stop Being Defensive in Relationships “Romantic relationships consist of highs and lows. To make a relationship work, both partners need to put in the effort. In this process, arguments can happen. But there are some things to keep in mind while arguing. One of the main things that can hamper a romantic relationship is defensiveness. Can becoming extremely defensive help you communicate with your partner? No. When you’re being defensive, it is hampering the quality of communication with your partner.”

Here’s What To Do If Your Partner Always Gets Defensive ” I would argue that defensiveness is one of the biggest troublemakers in relationships, as at least a quarter of the work I do with couples is to help them learn to hear one another instead of simply responding. Many of us struggle with being open to complaints, protests, or concerns, quick to shield ourselves with the armor of defensiveness rather than address the issue at hand.”

What Is Defensiveness and How It Becomes A Vicious Cycle “Defensiveness often results from an attempt to protect oneself against perceived threats. When this happens, people tend to become rigidly set in their opinions and beliefs and refuse to see the other person’s point of view. They often turn things around and blame the other person for how they’re feeling or become critical of themselves. A person can become defensive because of a fear of rejection, abandonment, humiliation, or failure. Defensiveness can sneak up on you without our realizing it until it has already entrenched in your relationships and done its damage.”

By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

This week in our blog, we asked what important secrets can we learn from animals about relationships. Here are some observations, research and humor about animals that answer this question.

10 Spiritual and Life Lessons Animals Can Teach Us “Look and you’ll find the silent spiritual wisdom of animals all around. It’s simple to follow, devoid of any rigid tenets or esoteric concepts, and yet deeply profound in impact. It’s no wonder then that animals have been spiritual companions to humans, in some of the most ancient cultures.”

What makes dogs so special and successful? Love. “Research on dogs has exploded in recent decades. Universities have opened canine cognition labs, and scientists have probed dogs’ intelligence, behavior, biology and skills. Clive Wynne, a psychologist and founder of the Canine Science Collaboratory at Arizona State University, has a new book that walks readers through the growing body of dog science. In it, he argues that what makes dogs remarkable is not their smarts, but their capacity to form affectionate relationships with other species — in short, to love.”

17 Important Life Lessons We Can All Learn From Animals “Human beings may be considered the more evolved species on Earth but there’s no denying that the animals who can’t talk are also quite intelligent. Whether it is teaching us how to survive in the harsh reality of the jungle to proving their loyalty as our beloved pets, there’s a lot we, humans, can learn from animals.”

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