Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with , , ,

This week, we wrote about why it is important to realize the difference between wants, needs and values. There are many differing definitions that people have for wants, needs and values. Here are some writings to the subject.

Valuing Our Needs, Wants and Desires “Sometimes we become so embroiled in what is wrong with us that we forget to appreciate and cherish all that is great. We abandon our own values and value and allow ourselves to be validated by the views of others. Loving ourselves as imperfect people and honouring who we are and what we value is the key to creating and manifesting all that is great within us.”

How to Identify Your Needs and Values “Our core values define what’s most meaningful and essential to us. One of my coaches, mentors, and author, Martha Lasley, believes that when we align our values, our mission and life’s vision becomes more evident and definable. “Values hold the essence of your experience and form the building blocks of your personal foundation.”

Understanding the difference between a Need & a Value “Great relationships are built on interdependence – where the individual maintains their own responsibility for meeting their own needs and working together to create a vision for the future and planning how that vision will come into being by implementing shared values and meeting in the middle when values are in polarity. So understanding what our intrinsic needs are very important – as we must learn to meet them ourselves – freeing up our relationships for greater intimacy, positive communication, mutual understanding, respect and growth.”

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This week, we wrote abut the importance of learning how to truly listen in your relationships. Here are some other writers with their takes on this under-discussed subject.

Deep Listening in Personal Relationships “For the most part, in all relationships there’s one person who speaks and one who listens. But is the listener really listening? Many people think they’re better listeners than studies show they actually are. The goal of deep listening is to acquire information, understand a person or a situation, and experience pleasure. Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others—their words and their messages—without being distracted.”

How Does Listening Affect Relationships “Have you ever talked to another person, and become so distracted by the quivering of their lips? I’m not talking, sad quivering, I’m talking, the quivering where you know they are dying! absolutely dying! to say something the moment you stop talking. Or they actually do, and start by giving you an answer when you weren’t asking a question. We all know that person, people, and at the end of those conversations, walk away feeling unheard and frustrated. Like the big thought bubble is completely empty because truly, there was no exchange of information. You were talking, but no one was really listening, and because no one was really listening, you disengaged. At every stage of development, there is a common thread, we are asked, ‘are you listening,’ told to ‘please listen,’ and demanded, ‘why aren’t you listening to me?’ The golden thread is listening, but no one truly defines what that means, or how to do it.”

How to be a good listener “Really listening to each other can be hard sometimes. Life places so many demands on us, and we always seem to have a million things competing for our attention, including technology, work, hobbies, friends and kids. Interestingly, really listening when we’re speaking with our partner can seem particularly difficult. Emotions run high because we care about them so much, and we tend to only half listen while we
formulate our response in our heads — often in the form of a rebuttal if the topic is difficult.”

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By Posted on Posted in Love, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

This week, we said be loving today – you can be right tomorrow. These articles look at some of the many facets of this statement.

Why Is It So Important to Be Right? “One of the most prevalent—and damaging—themes in our culture is the need to be right. It’s one of those essential memes that we take for granted. It is so deeply embedded in our belief system and in the collective psyche that we never even pause to consider it. It would really serve us to inquire why it is so compelling. Before we begin to look at that, let’s just reflect on how it impacts our lives.”

How To Let Go Of Your Need To Be Right All The Time “The need to be right can be harmful to personal and professional relationships, but how? People who feel like they are always right tend to not be good listeners. They don’t need to hear anything about what anyone else has to say about the matter because they already know what the answer is – whatever they know it to be. That’s harmful because it may prevent you from seeing and fixing small problems before they become major, and major problems before they become catastrophic.”

Why do we need to be right? “One of the most prevalent phenomena in our collective psyche is the need to be right. Pundits debate their views of climate change and political conflicts on television, we have arguments with friends as to who said what, and we often triumphantly proclaim: ‘I told you so!’”

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This week, we asked why a positive attitude is important to reach a successful compromise. Here are some other writers on how to compromise in your relationships.

7 Ways Learning To Compromise Improves All Your Relationships “No matter the resolution of the compromise, make sure you show your appreciation to others involved. Being willing to compromise, instead of fighting until the finish, is an admirable trait. Make sure you show how much you appreciate the other person working with you to find the best solution. Take time to evaluate the solution together and express what you like about it. Being appreciative of the positive social interaction and how working together to find the best solution made you feel.”

Compromise in relationships: 12 secrets to bending instead of breaking “Compromise is an “intermediate state between conflicting alternatives reached by mutual concession. This is the positive side of compromise- when you meet in the middle. The goal is that the compromise is mutually beneficial – that you gain, not lose, through the concession. Each partner should be happy with the outcome.”

Here’s What Compromise Looks Like In A Healthy Relationship “Compromise doesn’t mean you completely agree with your partner or vice versa—it’s healthy to maintain your personal values, beliefs, opinions, and preferences while still meeting halfway. If you’re poking around the internet, you may stumble on reddit relationship advice that’s adamant that compromise is a dirty word, but healthy compromise is simply about finding a balance and bridging the gap so both partners feel heard, understood, and can agree to an effective solution. In the long run, this balance will lead to a healthier relationship and positive growth. In each relationship, both people have to determine how they want to compromise on various issues while staying true to their authentic selves. They can:
– Find a new alternative to the conflicting issue
– Find a solution that blends both people’s preferences
– Find a way for you both to maintain your preference in a peaceable setting”

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This week, we asked how hard is it to have harmony in your relationships? It’s not, but many people have been led to believe it is. Here are some articles with suggestion on how you can achieve that harmony.

15 Tips to Build Harmonious Relationships “The key to an affable relationship begins with living harmoniously with yourself. As the saying goes, like attracts like. When we love and value ourselves, we do not put up with toxic partners or friends who seek to tear us down. When we love ourselves, we build bonds with others that mirror our belief that we are worthy.”

Do This to Bring Harmony to Your Relationships “Instead of taking a breath and meeting our own experience when we feel frustrated or hurt, we blame, criticize, fight, manipulate, and spend our precious time rationalizing our opinions to ourselves and everyone around us. We’ve moved away from the solo activity of being present with our experience. The effects? We’re driven to engage when we’re emotionally charged, not calm. (Not a good plan.) And our minds spin in judgment and confusion, trying to make sense of it all. Is this what you really want? Do you want to foster friction and divisiveness—or do you want to meet the people in your life with an open, loving heart and mind?”

5 Daily Principles for Loving & Harmonious Relationships “Radical integrity means you live by a strong moral compass and you are always seeking to do what is in the highest good for everyone involved. Integrity is about pure caring, compassion, and goodness; and your level of integrity is an essential factor in determining whether or not you are trustworthy (and, therefore, if you will attract the same in a partner).”

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