Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

This week, we looked at why looking at wants, needs and values is so important for your relationship. Here are some articles that discuss why values are important in relationships.

Why It’s So Important for Couples to Talk About Their Values “Romantic relationships are challenging, especially when you are wearing your heart on your sleeve and braving your true self with your partner. When we begin dating someone new, we willingly drown ourselves in the heavy currents of infatuation and attraction. As a result, we often forget to check for compatibility—catching feelings for someone and sharing similar interests and hobbies does not equal compatibility.”

Relationship Series: Shared Values “This is the second post in my Relationship Series and will cover the importance of shared values in your relationship. Values are important in your partnership because values are going to help define what is important to you as individuals and as a couple. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree on everything, but it is important that you agree on the issues that you define as most important.”

Couples Who Share These 8 Core Values Have The Happiest, Healthiest Relationships “What are core values? According to the basic definition, ‘Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organization. These guiding principles dictate behavior and can help people understand the difference between right and wrong.’ To sustain love and create a relationship that has what it takes to survive for years to come, we have to be intentional and mindful of how we create that.”

Tagged with:

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with ,

This week in our blog, we discussed how to avoid arguments and resolve disagreements in relationships. Here are some other wise words on how to do this.

Beware Of Mistaken Marriage Advice That “All Couples Fight” “Cavemen and cavewomen probably survived by being stronger than others, more aggressive, and quicker at defending themselves in the face of stressful potential conflicts. The modern world survives, by contrast, primarily on abilities to cooperate. Stressful situations that are becoming adversarial between loving partners can escalate into ever more stressful arguments. Alternatively, they can be handled with calm, productive, collaborative talking together (link is external) that dissipates stress and yields creation of mutually comfortable solutions.”

The Difference Between a Disagreement and a Fight “Just going along with your spouse and forgetting your own wants or needs does not result in a better outcome, unless the disagreement is so minor you will not remember it tomorrow…. If you pursue a Third Alternative, an option each of you finds at least as pleasing as the one your mate turned down, you get two huge benefits.”

The Difference Between Conflict & Disagreement “Most of us can think about how conflict is different from disagreement. We have folks we can peacefully disagree with on certain issues and it doesn’t affect our relationship. But what is it that turns a difference of opinion in to an outright argument or nasty fight? Power.”

Tagged with: ,

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

In this week’s blog we looked at the importance of respect in your relationship. Many people think this is even more important than communication. Here are some articles on this topic.

The Importance Of Tone “Several weeks ago, I was editing together some video footage for a home movie and was surprised to discover how irritated, negative, and just plain mean I sounded when talking to my wife. I remember most of the interactions that were filmed but not any of the feelings I was quite clearly projecting.”

Relationships and the Importance of Respect “Relationship advice is everywhere and you often hear that the key is communicate – communicate – communicate… You will hear the importance of making clear agreements, having good boundaries and of course the importance of love. Respect however is often mentioned in passing and yet respect is paramount in successful happy relationships, romantic or otherwise.”

Why Is Respect Important In a Relationship? “Love and respect can never be separated in a relationship, especially in a romantic one. It is true that we can respect someone and not really love him, but we can never love anyone without also respecting them.”

Tagged with:

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

This week, we discussed how you can improve your relationships by thinking and acting positively. Here is a collection of ideas for how to bring the positive into your relationships.

10 Ways to Perk Up Your Relationship “Positivity has a way of shifting our perspective: While negative emotions shut us down, positive emotions open us up. They help us “broaden and build,” argues Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and author of Positivity. Positive emotions actually spur big-picture thinking, yielding benefits like keener peripheral vision and increased creativity—not to mention better relationships.”

Practices for Bringing the Positive Into Your Relationship “Relationship experts such as Pat Love, John Gottman, Harville Hendrix and many others are currently stressing the importance of bringing the positive into your relationship. This may sound simple, but in practice it is not an easy thing to do, because when it comes right down to it, our brains can be very set in their patterns of negativity.We lean towards negativity to get our needs met because we have been socialized and genetically wired for survival. We have fear from our childhood that our needs will not be met and we may not survive. These feelings of fear and our natural “fight or flight” response comes from the older part of the brain (the brain stem and the limbic system). Positive feelings, and the ability to respond versus react, involve a more evolved part of the brain (the neo-cortex) which requires a completely different set of strategies and practices.We are using our “old brain” when we cry, demand, shame, blame, criticize, withhold, or ignore, in an effort to be heard, feel loved, see change, etc. However, if we want our partner to change WE have to change too.”

7 Ways to Put Life Back into Your Relationship “When you’re discussing your relationship, highlight the good stuff and minimize the bad. You’ll feel better, and so will your partner. I used to tell all my girlfriends about all the wrong my partner was doing and found that the more I looked for the bad, the more it showed up. But when I focused on the good things about him and why I still loved him, it made me appreciate him that much more. Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t deal with pressing issues or forget the problems at hand; it just means that you change the conversation to one that’s empowering to the relationship. Let go of your anger and annoyance about small things that irritate you. It won’t be easy, but every moment you hold on to poisonous feelings is another moment that will steal your chance to be happy with the person you love.”

Tagged with:

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments

This week, we asked if you want to improve your relationships and said you have to work on yourself first. Many people get caught up in looking at the other person they are relating to, and argue and criticize the differences they find. To move past that and bring harmony and peace to your relationships, it’s important to get to know and feel comfortable with yourself. Here are some other authors on this topic.

How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship “Of course it helps to be entering a relationship with a strong feeling of self-love. But I also think that if you are in a partnership where self-love is lacking, and the space between you is needy, irritating, and harmful, things can be turned around. Learning self-love is an ongoing process. It’s not a switch you can just flick on. Even couples who have a healthy amount of self-love could have more.”

How Self-Awareness Helps Relationships Become Stronger, and Ultimately, Last “When a seasoned divorce attorney and author of a best-selling relationship advice book was asked the key to a healthy relationship, he told an inquiring journalist, “If you want to keep your love alive, you have to be attentive to all the little things that go wrong along the way, and constantly course-correct.” That attentiveness to all the little things that go wrong and ability to course-correct is the product of relational self-awareness.”

7 Simple Ways You Can Become a Better Partner “Romantic relationships are dynamic. They continuously change, reflecting circumstances, stresses, and the everyday ups and downs experienced by both partners. What happens to “me” and to “you” ultimately affects “us.” The healthiest relationships have partners who routinely (if subconsciously) check in with themselves, their partner, and their relationship to see how things are going and to make changes as necessary.”