Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with

This week, we wrote about why the essence of connection in your relationships is being present. These authors each bring out why this is important and how to maintain it.

Being Fully Present to Others “In how much of our communication with others are we fully there? If you ask what people want from most of their communication, many will say more clarity, better understanding, greater honesty – maybe even love? Underneath it all, what we really long for are deeper, more meaningful connections with others. Even when we’re not aware of consciously seeking it, most of us are growing less content with superficial human contact. In many ways, technology and the transactional world (what can I get from this interaction?) are reshaping how we communicate – and how we expect to connect with others. When we experience the feeling of someone’s authentic (full) presence, we’re often taken aback by the nature of the interaction. It can seem too intimate and uncomfortable.”

The Importance of Being Present in all Our Relationships “How engaged are you in your relationships? Are you present within the relationship? I don’t mean physically present since that is a given. I’m talking about being mentally, emotionally and spiritually invested in the relationship…. Being engaged and present means we bring our whole selves to our encounters with others.”

The Essence of Being: Using Mindfulness to Enhance Romantic Relationships “Autopilot can creep into a fast-paced life. Sometimes we arrive at home and wonder exactly how we got there. Sometimes we even walk in, kiss our loved one hello, and end up in front of the TV before we realize it. Even when we are trying to be intentional, we may have demanding tasks, emails piling up, and deadlines to fill. We seem to have no time to slow down and go on a walk or spend time chatting. Although we have a desire for a close and vulnerable relationship, the connection with our partner seems to stay a bit stagnant.”

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By Posted on Posted in Peace, Reading, Relationship differences, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with

We wrote this week about different aspects of having peaceful relationships. Here are some previous articles of ours about such aspects.

How Being Positive Promotes Healthy Relationships “Where you put your attention can often change your entire experience of what is happening. We recently read an article in the New York Times entitled “Turning Negative Thinkers Into Positive Ones,” and found it touched on this issue in a most interesting way. In the article the author shares some new studies that show that even with just a few weeks of compassionate mindfulness training, the participants were able to have a much higher degree of positive response.”

Why is it Important not to Focus on Relationship Differences? “Each of us is a unique and essentially different person. We have established a relationship of trust which enables us to be open, undefended and sharing with each other. This is based on the fact that each of us is respected and accepted in our separate personhood. We each want the best for each other and want to support each other’s growth and fulfillment. That does not include changing, rearranging or directing each other. What we do not do is see the other in terms of ourselves or as an extension of ourselves. If one of us does or says something, it is heard and related to as an expression of that person. We are not comparing or looking at sameness or difference.”

The Importance of Authenticity in Your Relationship “Genuine. Real. Authentic. We know what this means for a Coach handbag or a Craftsman socket set, but what does it mean for a person? There’s no label, certificate, hologram or stitching you can check, so how do you determine that a person is authentic? An authentic person is someone who is who they say they are. They aren’t pretending to be somebody different.”

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By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we asked what is it like to act with love in your intimate relationships. Here are some articles speaking to different aspects of this question.

What is a Loving Relationship and Steps To Building One “When love is present in a relationship it consists of affection, care, and respect for another person. Different connections occur within relationships, too — from platonic and sexual to emotional and spiritual. Essentially, “a loving relationship is any relationship — friendship, romance, or family connection — where kindness, compassion, and genuine affection are at work,” explains Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a licensed clinical psychologist in Santa Rosa, California”

Why Love is a Choice You Make Every Day “Love is a choice and a decision because your actions determine if it lives on or ends. You are in control of how you act in your relationships and how much you push past conflict and challenges. When you decide to work on communication, trust, intimacy, or emotional security, you’re choosing love.”

Top 7 Tips On How To Create A Conscious Relationship Using ACT “ACT is based on a set of powerful principles that help you develop “psychological flexibility.” Psychological flexibility refers to the ability to adapt to changes with openness and awareness, and to take effective action guided by your values (the things that you hold important in life and that you want to stand for). Put more simply, psychological flexibility includes: 1. The ability to be present or ‘mindful.’; 2. The ability to take effective action.”

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By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about why it is important to be real with each other in your relationships. Here are some articles about authenticity within relationships.

Why Honesty In Relationships Is Non-Negotiable & 7 Rules To Follow “Honesty is one of those things we intuitively know is a good thing, but we can really stumble a lot in trying to actually put it into practice. But when it comes to our relationships, having open and honest communication is necessary to creating a healthy, sustainable partnership. Here’s why honesty in relationships is so important.”

How to Develop Authentic Relationships “Authenticity in relationships occurs when both parties are honest and genuine with each other. Both partners understand that no one is perfect, but they are willing to accept each other’s flaws and come to a fruitful and positive compromise. More importantly, studies show that authenticity in relationships is one way to develop a genuine bond between two partners. Furthermore, authentic relationships are devoid of fear and insecurity because both spouses love each other wholeheartedly, even when communicating their vulnerability.”

How to Develop Authenticity in Your Relationships “For those of us who have been in long-term romantic relationships, we’re intimately familiar with the agenda of “keeping the spark alive.” Choosing to embark on creating a more conscious connection (and you can shift onto this path no matter how long you have been with your partner) can open up doors you never thought possible in your relationship. Building a more present and emotionally attuned relationship has the possibility to transform your relationship from the inside out.”

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By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Our Process, Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we mused upon some of the important aspects of how we are together and how they can apply to all relationships. Here are some of our favorite blogs covering those topics.

How to Work Through Disagreements to Reach a Mutual Solution “you may find yourself at odds with your partner, friend or relative when discussing your wants and needs in a particular situation. It is important to peaceful relating to have a process for preventing this kind of disagreement from turning into a full-blown conflict. When the decision affects both of you, it can seem at first that there is no solution, but as long as you are both flexible, that’s rarely the case. There are ways to not only transform a potential argument but instead to actually find solutions and make decisions that create an even stronger sense of agreement and mutuality.”

How to Experience Peace as a Living Reality in Your Relationships “Peace is sometimes regarded as an absence or a state of inertness, like the peace of the dead, but thinking that way obscures that it is an actual experience like many others. Just as you can be in a state of agitation or worry or panic, you can also be in a state of peace. It’s a sense of not being pulled in any direction, of contentment, of tranquility. It’s very much connected with being present, because when you’re thinking about the future, you’re planning to change something or be somewhere. Peace is a state you can reside in, once you have recognized and experienced it. It comes down to having an intention to be that way, and the more you have the experience of being in that space, the easier it is to find and remain in it.”

Why it is Important to Learn What Your Core Values Are “Every time we give a course on how to have harmonious peaceful relationships, we start by talking about core values and that always creates lots of conversation. Through our courses, we keep learning about different concerns people have in this area and finding new ways to address them. As it is a critical factor for creating peace and mutual solutions in relationships, a match of core values is very important. When we say match, we mean that they fit together, are the same or complementary, and not opposed.”

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