Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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We wrote this week about the benefits of both separation and connection in your relationships. Here are some articles looking at this topic from different points of view.

Forget sex, the secret to a long-lasting relationship is space “Having enough space or privacy in a relationship is more important for a couple’s happiness than having a good sex life, according to Dr Terri Orbuch a psychologist, research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research …”

Alone Time Is the Key to Staying Married. Find It. “The COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t just stretched us thin; it’s made us damn near translucent. The majority of parents are balancing a bigger burden than they ever have before. Scheduling. Schooling. Social distancing. Masking up. Working from Home. All with little or extremely reduced access to childcare or the older family members who once pitched in. Gone, too, are ways to find alone time. We are all cooped up, unable to do the activities that once brought us balance. Time apart is crucial to a marriage. Absence does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder. But how can partners ask for alone time without it ending in resentment or anger?”

Balancing Connection and Separation “One of the most common struggles for couples is the balancing of connection and separation. In most couple’s relationships, partners often have different comfort levels with connection and separation. Some partners prefer more connection and feel anxious during times of separation. Some partners prefer more separation and feel anxious during times of connection.The key is creating a balance.”

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This week, we wrote about what motivates other people and why understanding each others’ motives is important in relationships. This topic isn’t well covered, so we’ve added a link about the picture we used.

The Vital Importance and Benefits of Motivation “Almost every action someone takes is driven by an underlying motivation. This can be social rank, reputation, envy, power, love of work, self-preservation, service, security, escape, fear, thrill, or a host of other alternatives. To understand the world, it is important you develop the ability to recognize the motivation that drives a person. This includes yourself. By better understanding your motivation, you can make better choices.”

What Is Motivation? “We often have multiple motives, some of which we might not fully understand when we act. Often we’re conflicted about our desires, regardless of what actions we take. And the reasons that drive our choices in life change over time: we don’t live life with a single consistent unwavering motive for anything. The more intimate the relationship you have with a person, the more complex (and possibly rewarding) it can be to understand their intentions and how your choices impact each other.”

The Anne and Bernard Spitzer Hall of Human Origins “This innovative exhibition combines discoveries in the fossil record with the latest genomic science to explore the most profound mysteries of humankind: who we are, where we came from, and what is in store for the future of our species. The hall explores human biology and anatomy, traces the path of human evolution, and examines the origins of human creativity.”

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This week we wrote about the importance of touch in all our relationships, and these articles cover different aspects of touching. They share numerous studies on the topic.

The Power of Touch: Physical Affection is Important in Relationships, but Some People Need More Than Others “Study after study has found that couples who touch each other more tend to be happier. From backrubs to gentle caresses to hand-holding to hugging, the more intimate contact couples have with one another, the more satisfied they tend to be with their relationships. Certainly, sexual touch is important, too, but non-sexual physical contact appears to have unique benefits.”

The Remarkable Power of Touch “The power of touch is profound – whether it is an accidental glazing from a stranger, the strong kneading of a professional masseur, a gentle hold from someone close, a reassuring squeeze of the hand, an ‘I see you’ caress, an encouraging touch on the back, a quick kiss on the forehead or one that is slower, more tender and more anticipated. It can strengthen connections, heal, communicate, influence and soothe. When the touch is cold and brittle, it can also widen the distance between two people.”

8 Reasons Why We Need Human Touch More Than Ever (pdf) “Physical contact distinguishes humans from other animals. From a warm handshake or sympathetic hug to a congratulatory pat on the back, we have developed complex languages, cultures, and emotional expression through physical contact. But in a tech-saturated world, non-sexual human touch is in danger of becoming rare, if not obsolete. Despite the benefits of digital advancement, it is vital to preserve human touch in order for us truly to thrive.”

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We wrote this week on why you need to remain flexible in a time of great change; these writers explore what is needed to remain creative and adaptable.

How To Stay Flexible In Times Of Change “As more time passes with the pandemic, political unrest and protests, most of us are beginning to feel anxious and out of control of our lives, jobs, and society around us. To regain a sense of control and purpose, we should take some time to review our personal values and observe the world as it is today. When we carve out time to do this intentionally, we are more capable of navigating our way through times of change at work, at home, or in pursuit of self-development.”

The Power Of Adaptability: How To Adapt To Anything Life Throws At You “The book “Life of Pi,” by Yann Martel is an excellent representation of adaptability. It shows how your circumstances force you to evaluate or reinvent perspectives in life and the choices you’ve made. Sometimes these evaluations or reinventions are done by choice. Other times they’re forced upon you – asking you to become adaptable. ”

Adaptability may be your most essential skill in the covid-19 world “Across the world, humans are living through a period of extraordinary change, with jobs lost, businesses closed, graduations canceled, and weddings, moves, and vacations postponed. Familiar routines involving work, school, exercise and weekend recreation have been tossed out the window. Moving forward, there’s more uncertainty on the horizon. We don’t know when or if those jobs will come back, when schools and offices will reopen, when we’ll be able to hug grandparents or see faraway friends and relatives. Many of us don’t know whether we’ll be able to pay the rent or the mortgage. Trauma and upheaval are coming at us from all sides, and no one can predict when it will let up. It’s a lot of change to get used to all at once, and it’s not static. So, going forward, adaptability may be our best asset.”

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This week, we wrote about taking the time and attention to honor your relationships. Read these posts and make sure you do what they recommend!

Attention Is the Most Basic Form of Love “One of the most common relationship concerns we have found in our Marriage Checkup study is that partners stop paying attention to each other in the struggle to accomplish the myriad demands of the day. We are all, so many of us, so monstrously busy on a day-to-day basis that we practically tremble under the strain of it all…. And then, finally, sometimes, through the fog, we catch a glimmer. My wife. My husband. Our marriage.”

10 Tips To Make Your Relationship A Priority “It’s easy to let your relationship slide a little bit in the business of everyday life. Especially during these times. Between working from home, dealing with kids learning virtually, and the added stress of living through a pandemic, it can frequently feel like we’re just trying to get through the day in one piece. But when one of you perceives that the other isn’t making an effort, then you both might be tempted to stop trying – and that’s where your relationship can start to deteriorate. For example, if you feel your partner would rather be on the golf course than with you, that can affect your self-esteem. And if your spouse thinks you’d rather be at work than with them they will likely start to resent your career.”

9 Tips for Making Your Relationship a Priority “One of the common complaints I hear from couples is that one of the partners feels that she is not important, or that the relationship itself is not important—it’s pushed aside by work or kids or whatever. Sometimes this is situational—one of you is dealing with an ill parent or work demands have ramped up. But more often, it is patterns that you’ve both fallen into. You both feel disconnected. You may not argue but you also don’t talk beyond mapping out the logistics of the day or week. You fall into parallel lives, daily routines with each of you doing your own thing. You really haven’t had a date night since … honestly, you don’t remember.”

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