Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about Thanksgiving and spreading peace in the world. Here, besides an outside article, we include a couple of past blogs of ours that we think are appropriate complements to the season.

The Only Way That Works: The Golden Rule “We are all connected and part of one human family, will always win out over fear and prejudice and attempts to separate us. Remember in the darkness this shining light of truth. Growth and change are slow but steady, and this great truth will prevail. Love one another is the whole of the law! We want to share with you today some versions of the golden rule as taught by the world’s major religions:”

7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude “‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself,’ we are often told. And while it can be hard to avoid self-pity entirely, mentally strong people choose to exchange self-pity for gratitude. Whether you choose to write a few sentences in a gratitude journal, or simply take a moment to silently acknowledge all that you have, giving thanks can transform your life. Here are 7 scientifically proven benefits:”

Gratefulness Expands Your Relationship and Your World “We are so grateful for our blessed relationship and the peace and grace we experience. We are so grateful for the wonderful community of loving friends and strangers who care about each other, take care of each other, and want the best for each other!”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about how to balance individuality and your relationship. Here are some other writes discussing how to be in a relationship without losing your sense of self.

Relationship Success: Balancing Togetherness and Individuality “A client of mine — during our initial consultation — said the following: ‘Here’s my issue. When I’m in a relationship, I invest so much of myself into maintaining romance and intimacy that I forget who I am as an individual. How can I balance my personal identity with my identity as a couple?'”

7 Reasons Why Independence Is The Best Way To Help Your Relationship “The most successful relationships occur when two people form a bond that allows them to grow independently by each other’s side, finding new passions and dreams while admiring and encouraging each other’s individual pursuits. Here’s why.”

Staying Compatible by Staying Yourself “What makes being in a relationship tricky is that it provides the opportunity for two completely different experiences. On the one hand, it is an opportunity for two individuals to be supported by each other’s appreciation and love for the person their partner is. Both partners are enhanced by such an association, and flourish and grow as people. On the other hand, people can go into a relationship with a fantasy that the union will assuage their insecurities, hurts and unresolved issues from their past.”

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In this week’s blog, we asked if you show love and respect in your relationship. These articles cover different aspects of this very important aspect.

The Importance Of Tone “Several weeks ago, I was editing together some video footage for a home movie and was surprised to discover how irritated, negative, and just plain mean I sounded when talking to my wife. I remember most of the interactions that were filmed but not any of the feelings I was quite clearly projecting.”

It’s not what you said, it really is how you said it, new study finds “There’s an old phrase that couples often use when something one partner says spawns an argument — ‘it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.’ Though some may just see the phrase as an excuse, there may be some truth to it as far as marital success is concerned.”

Why ‘It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It’ May Be the Best Relationship Advice “‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.’ I know my husband and I have uttered this cliché phrase in multiple exchanges, and it’s become the one thing in our marriage that we strive to work on the most. Here’s why: When the content of what’s being said isn’t offensive, but the way it’s spoken is hurtful, it’s easy for an offhand comment to turn malignant. And that’s a problem.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about knowing you are on the same side in your relationship. It was surprising how difficult it was to find articles on this topic. Here are some good ones.

Dramatically Improve your Relationships by Becoming a Team “I once had a totally commonplace, uneventful thought that transformed the way I viewed relationships…. It was the notion that when two people in a relationship think of themselves as on the same team, things get much easier. Positive feelings grow freely. Score-keeping and resentment are nonexistent.”

A Healthy Team and a Healthy Relationship “Over the last three decades, marriage specialists have researched the ingredients of a happy marriage. As a result, we know more about building a successful marriage today than ever before. The cool thing is … team building experts have researched the ingredients of an effective team for about the same amount of time. And their findings are quite similar. What makes a happy marriage tends to make an effective team and vice versa.”

5 Ways To Improve Your Marriage With Teamwork “For some couples the wedding has just ended and you are settling into your marriage routine. For others, you have been married for several years, you are all consumed by your kid’s activities and barely have enough time to sleep, let alone work on your relationship. But this question pertains to both sets of couples. Do you consider yourself a team?”

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In this week’s blog, we asked if you have thumbtacks in your relationship, where thumbtacks represent the lack of total acceptance. Here are some articles discussing different aspects of this issue.

Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Relationship “If you want your partner to change, start by accepting them for who they are. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman says, “People can change only if they feel that they are basically liked and accepted the way they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, and unappreciated they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege and dig in to protect themselves.””

How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship “As we’ve discussed before, many men these days have trouble being assertive. One of the things these “Nice Guys” struggle with is communicating their needs to others. Because they shy away from conflict, and don’t want to trouble or inconvenience others, they constantly let other people’s needs supersede their own, and they find it difficult to articulate their personal goals and desires. Instead, they rely on “mind-reading,” believing their partners should intuitively know what they need without them having to say anything.”

8 Ways to Practice Compassion for a Healthier and Stronger Relationship “Let’s consider basic human needs, as taught by psychologist Abraham Maslow. All of our behaviors are driven by our needs, and our needs are derived from our emotional states. After our needs of food and shelter have been met, each of us have very important basic needs—four of which are the need for attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. The ways in which we seek these things is dependent upon our level of emotional intelligence, our beliefs, and our core values.”