Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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Maude wrote in this week’s blog about her challenges of accepting Phil’s approach to illness. Here are some articles about acceptance in relationships.

Acknowledging and Accepting Your Mate “What sets the affirming couple apart from others? After all, most couples begin their relationship with a variety of shared, positive experiences based on their mutual attraction and emerging love. One difference, however, is that affirming couples — that is, those in which the partners extend unconditional respect and consideration to one another — have often witnessed other affirming relationships while growing up. Their expectations and practical skills support their ability to acknowledge and accept their partner, which may not be the case in relationships that deteriorate over time”

Understand and accept differences in your relationship “Things just are, until you make something out of it. Life is the way it is. The world is the way it is.. Your partner is the way he/she is. This is so, until the moment you make something out of it. Be aware that in that process of creation your judgment and prejudice slips in.”

Accepting Differences in Marriage “The old saying, ‘opposites attract’ is often true. The difficulty is once they marry they drive each other crazy. Our opposites tend to fascinate us because they add variety to life and pull us from our comfortable rut of familiarity. Accepting differences is difficult. Opposites stretch us beyond ourselves, forcing us to broaden our horizons. They add depth and provide opportunities for growth. It’s from them that we learn our most difficult lessons. They expose us to thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are foreign to us. They balance our lopsidedness and make us more complete.”

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We wrote in this week’s blog on 4 ways to break bad patterns in your relationship by trying something different for a day. Here are some articles with other exercises to improve your relationship.

This One Exercise Can Improve Your Relationship Today “What a lot of people don’t realize is that what they are seeing has to do with where they are looking, and whatever they look at starts to get bigger in their mind. The brain has limited attentional capacity, which means it can only focus on a certain number of things at one time. Once your brain is occupied with something, you start to lose awareness of what else is happening around you.”

Couples Communication Boosters – Top 5 Activities You Must Try “Communication activities for married couples are those exercises that couples can do to improve the way they converse with one another. As these activities take place, communication skills are enhanced and spouses learn to understand one another. Of course words are understood, that is a given, but when communication is improved, spouses learn the meaning behind those words. This includes how their partner feels and why something is being said.”

5 Communication Games Guaranteed to Bring You Closer “The idea of “working on our communication” is usually met with eye rolls, shrugs or even denials of a problem…Communication Is More than Talking…Talking is simply sharing information using words. It is a way to inform another person about a particular thing. It’s important but it is not a stand-alone relationship builder. Stick around and we’ll show you 5 simple games you and your partner can play to exercise your communication skills, deepen your romantic connection, and build a stronger life together.”

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By Posted on Posted in Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments

We wrote in this week’s blog on making all your relationships a way to spread peace. Here are some articles on how to build better relationships in your life.

Building and Sustaining Relationships “Every relationship is different, but they all matter. If you smile and say hello to the school crossing guard on your way to work every day, you have formed a relationship. That crossing guard may be the one who will be watching out for your kids or grandchildren when they are old enough to walk to school by themselves. The guard will remember you and your warm smile when escorting your child across the street.”

5 Ways to Build Stronger Relationships “We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and probably some friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are simply not fulfilling. They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth.”

5 ways to build a good relationship with anyone “Like most people, I’ve been working on a few new things. I’m doing more public speaking. I’m experimenting with hot yoga. And I’m trying to build better relationships with the people who matter to me. … Robin Dreeke is in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s elite Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program. Robin combines hard science and years of work in the field to offer practical tips to build rapport and establish trust.”

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We wrote in this week’s blog on how to blend connection and separation in your relationship, and as usual, we’ve tracked down some other articles on this topic. Enjoy!

Balancing Togetherness and Individuality “Mutuality is one of the most important aspects of marriage success. But how do you become part of a couple while maintaining a strong sense of yourself? How do you manage your need for time together and time apart? And what do you do if you and your partner have different ideas of how much time to spend together? How much time together is enough? Is there such a thing as too much togetherness? Is there a way to maintain closeness even when your work life is especially demanding of your time and attention, perhaps including prolonged separations?”

Time Together vs. Time Apart: Which Is More Important? “How much time should a couple spend together? Apart? That’s the tug and pull of many couples. Too much time together could make one partner feel suffocated. Too much time apart could make one partner feel isolated. So how much time is best? There’s something most couples overlook that I’m going to share.”

Developing a healthy balance between separateness and togetherness in relationships “One family-of-origin theorist, Murray Bowen (1978), developed a theory called ‘differentiation of self’ that is helpful when looking at issues around closeness and separateness in relationships. Research (Skowron, 2000) has shown that couples who demonstrate a higher level of differentiation are more likely to be satisfied in their relationship. On an individual, internal level differentiation of self refers to a person’s ability to distinguish between self and other and between the more rationale and the more emotional parts of our self.”

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By Posted on Posted in compromise, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating 1 Comment

This week’s blog is about how to avoid compromise in your relationship. Here are some other writers’ takes on this topic.

How Compromise Is Actually Hurting Your Relationship (And What To Do Instead) “Compromise implies that both people have to give up something they want in order to come up with a solution that is tolerable for both. While this all sounds noble and selfless, I think compromise as a solution may do more harm than good. Viewing compromise as your ideal solution requires that we enter a mindset of need rather than empowerment. We assume all we can get is the bare minimum rather than asking for what we really want. We settle rather than flourish.”

Want a great marriage? Don’t compromise—try this instead “‘Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.’ – Janis Joplin. Janis’s fierce dedication to herself is potent advice. And I can’t think of anyone in need of such fierce dedication more than parents. Speaking from my own personal experience and from the work I do with couples in my couple therapy practice, I can say that the struggle is real. It is so easy to compromise ourselves for our kids or our partners and convince ourselves we’re sacrificing for a greater good. Yet repeatedly doing this can create serious problems down the line.”

Create a Successful Marriage: Don’t Compromise! “‘Compromise—no matter how difficult—is a necessary part of any successful, enduring marriage.’ I emphatically disagree. Not only is compromise NOT a recipe for success in relationships, but compromise is exactly why so many marriages fail. It’s true that we are all very different and that conflict often occurs because of these differences. That’s not going to change—we will always be unique. However, honoring differences and learning to explore what’s important to each other is part of what makes a relationship so rich, exciting, and surprising—and that’s what makes compromise so unappealing.”