Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationship differences, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with

This week, we suggested that you embrace the differences in your relationships. Here are some further articles on how to do that.

How to Stay Together When You Are Different From Each Other “The strongest relationships are the ones in which both partners can be themselves. Intending to change the other person or dramatically changing yourself to fit someone else’s ideals dooms couples to failure. When two people have beliefs or habits that differ too much, it creates friction. For example, if one partner is devoutly religious and the other is an all-out atheist, it might be difficult for the couple to find common ground on the way that the universe functions. When a neat-freak has to put up with the habits of a slob, there will be arguments. Opposites may attract, but they don’t always have staying power.”

How The Differences Keep A Relationship Together “When it comes to relationships, it’s easy to feel that like goes with like: people with similar interests, careers, backgrounds and life views are attracted to one another and stick together. Wrong. In fact, more often than not, it’s been argued that our differences make us stronger. Think about it: if we end up with people just like us, we won’t be exposed to new activities or ways of overcoming challenges. Our relationship won’t have quite so many nuances. And we won’t have to get out of our comfort zone.”

6 Reasons to Appreciate Differences With Your Partner “Differences are often what initially attract us to our partners. For example, a quiet introvert is sometimes attracted to an extrovert’s bubbliness, or someone who lacks confidence is attracted to someone who has it in abundance. Over time, these differences can cause conflict in relationships. (See here and here for some examples of the research.) But following are some quick thoughts and examples to get you thinking more strongly about the ways in which it’s a positive to have a partner who has different traits and strengths than you.”

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This week, we wrote about how humans are a cooperative species, and so we should be grateful for each other. Here are some articles about friendship, loneliness and cooperation compared with competition.

Why Your Friends Are More Important Than You Think “Researchers and philosophers have explored in great detail the emotional dramas of love and family. But they’ve spent much less time pondering the deep satisfaction of a good friend. A similar thing happens in our own lives, writes science journalist Lydia Denworth. When something’s gotta give, it’s often our friendships, which take a backseat to our family and work obligations—or our latest fling. But that’s a mistake, she argues in her new book.”

The Impact of Social Isolation on Mental Health “Social isolation involves being cut off from contact with others. This can involve physical isolation but also refer to feeling emotionally disconnected from social interaction. People can become socially isolated both intentionally and unintentionally. While levels of social contact can vary over time, extended periods of social isolation can harm mental and physical well-being. Isolation has also been connected to a greater risk for medical conditions such as heart disease, high blood pressure, weakened immunity, and reduced overall longevity”

Competition or Cooperation? Understanding Human Behavior in Economic Analysis “Anybody familiar with economics, particularly with how economics is taught, will know full well how self-interest constrained by competition is regularly championed as a general recipe for progress. However, the complexity of the real-world seldom matches the simplicity of this recipe. Indeed, many situations require a concern with the interests of others, and of cooperation rather than competition. The fact that human behavior is guided by cooperation and concern for others would hardly be a revelation to the average person. So why isn’t such an obvious truth more evident within most economic analysis?”

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In this week’s blog, we asked if you show love and respect in your relationship. These articles cover different aspects of this very important aspect.

The Importance Of Tone “Several weeks ago, I was editing together some video footage for a home movie and was surprised to discover how irritated, negative, and just plain mean I sounded when talking to my wife. I remember most of the interactions that were filmed but not any of the feelings I was quite clearly projecting.”

It’s not what you said, it really is how you said it, new study finds “There’s an old phrase that couples often use when something one partner says spawns an argument — ‘it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.’ Though some may just see the phrase as an excuse, there may be some truth to it as far as marital success is concerned.”

Why ‘It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It’ May Be the Best Relationship Advice “‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.’ I know my husband and I have uttered this cliché phrase in multiple exchanges, and it’s become the one thing in our marriage that we strive to work on the most. Here’s why: When the content of what’s being said isn’t offensive, but the way it’s spoken is hurtful, it’s easy for an offhand comment to turn malignant. And that’s a problem.”

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This week, we wrote about how to find a mutual solution in your relationships with our process. Here are some writers on how to avoid and deal with conflict in your relationships.

Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies “Conflicting goals, motives, and needs can cause stress in any relationship, particularly a romantic one. While conflict is not uncommon, if left unresolved along with related stress, it can damage the bonds that form between people (Overall & McNulty, 2017). If we accept that all partners will disagree at times, we must also recognize that it is crucial to find a resolution to ensure that the relationship’s health is maintained (Grieger, 2015).”

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship “Disagreements happen in all relationships, but what matters is how they are dealt with. The way you deal with an issue with your partner can determine if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy, so here are some tips to keep in mind that will help you handle your next argument in a healthy way.”

Conflict Resolution Mistakes to Avoid “Because conflict is virtually inevitable in relationships (and not necessarily a sign of trouble), you can reduce a significant amount of stress and strengthen your relationships at the same time if you build the knowledge and skills to handle conflict in a healthy way.? Here are some examples of negative and even destructive attitudes and communication patterns that can exacerbate conflict in a relationship.”

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By Posted on Posted in Peace, Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

This week, we wrote on what we learned about relationships on a trip we recently took. We centered on flexibility an being present, and here are some post on those topics.

People With Iron-Clad Platonic and Romantic Relationships Share This One Trait “Psychological flexibility (also known as “emotional flexibility” and “mindful flexibility”) refers to being mindful and present when faced with an interpersonal conflict or stressful situation. It encompasses having a tool kit of life skills to help you manage any points of tension that may arise. And, according to licensed marriage and family counselor, Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, psychological flexibility allows you to see things from a bigger and broader perspective, even when relationships become challenging.”

7 Tips for Practicing Presence in Your Relationship “What does presence mean in a relationship, and why does it matter so much? I will sometimes hear a client lament that their partner does not feel “present” in the relationship. This feeling of lack, so acutely felt by one person, can be a complete mystery to their partner. I’ll have someone tell me in session, “My partner says I’m not present in our relationship… I have no idea what they mean.””

The Beginner’s Guide to Being Present “As your physical self moves throughout your day, does your emotional self keep up? Do your thoughts accompany you from task to task, or does your mind drift and wander, making it challenging to pay attention to conversations or recall what you were just doing? Your body can physically inhabit a space when your mind is elsewhere. This tuning out might happen more often when you feel bored, stressed, or otherwise preoccupied. Being present (or living mindfully, whatever you want to call it) simply means you’re focused and engaged in the here and now, not distracted or mentally absent.”