Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about how to create peaceful relationships by balancing your differences. Most of these articles are about differences in couples’ relationships. However, the same can apply to all relationships.

How to Stay Together When You Are Different From Each Other “The strongest relationships are the ones in which both partners can be themselves. Intending to change the other person or dramatically changing yourself to fit someone else’s ideals dooms couples to failure. When two people have beliefs or habits that differ too much, it creates friction. For example, if one partner is devoutly religious and the other is an all-out atheist, it might be difficult for the couple to find common ground on the way that the universe functions. When a neat-freak has to put up with the habits of a slob, there will be arguments. Opposites may attract, but they don’t always have staying power.”

Exploring Similarities and Differences in Relationships! “Have you ever sat there and just thought about both how different you are from your partner, but also about the common ground you share? Have you wondered if the differences could break you? Do you wonder if your attraction to your partner is because of the similarities or the differences? If so; these are not uncommon questions people think about, especially as relationships are forming. These types of questions also may come up if some rocky ground has been forming in the relationship over time. While relationships can evolve and dissolve over time, today we are going to explore how relationships tend to thrive when we focus on the commonalities or lack thereof.”

How to balance responsibilities in your relationship “You look around and see each thing that needs to be done: laundry, food, errands, and you do them, because, well, they need to get done! Time passes, and slowly you start feeling more and more frustrated and angry: “Why isn’t my partner doing any of this? Why is it always me?” You begin to resent your partner for not helping more, and it’s easy to start believing they merely don’t care that these things need to be done and don’t care about your sanity.”

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This week, we wrote about how to find your shared reality and create peaceful relationships. When we talk about this, we are talking about something that is a reality. In that, we differ from these articles which use the term in a different context.

Psychologists identify “shared reality” as a key component of close relationships “New research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that a shared sense of reality plays an important — but overlooked — role in social connections. The findings help explain what makes new acquaintances feel like they “click” when they first meet, and also why romantic couples and close friends feel like they share a common mind.”

Shared reality: This psychological factor might be key to your success “Shared reality refers to the perception of sharing inner states – feelings, beliefs, or concerns – with others regarding the world. This concept goes beyond mere liking or closeness in relationships. It involves creating a common understanding of external events, people, and objects, which is crucial for navigating and succeeding in the world. Instrumental others refers to individuals in our lives who significantly aid or facilitate our ability to achieve our goals. These can be mentors, colleagues, friends, family members, or any other key figures who actively contribute to our journey towards success.”

The Reality of What Makes People Click “According to Columbia University psychologist Maya Rossignac-Milon, the theory of shared reality suggests that we are most likely to feel closer to each other when we turn our mutual attention to something beyond ourselves. That’s exactly what happened to the Ju/’hoan. No fire (or shared reality) and their conversations were superficial. With fire (or a shared reality) and conversation elevated, causing connections to thrive. Shared reality is the third party in any social connection.”

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This week, we wrote about how to make a better world through your relationships. The articles here look at peace from the viewpoint of societies and individuals.

What Can We Learn from the World’s Most Peaceful Societies? “Given the grinding wars and toxic political divisions that dominate the news, it might come as a surprise to hear that there are also a multitude of sustainably peaceful societies thriving across the globe today. These are communities that have managed to figure out how to live together in peace—internally within their borders, externally with neighbors, or both—for 50, 100, even several hundred years. This simple fact directly refutes the widely held and often self-fulfilling belief that humans are innately territorial and hardwired for war.”

Cultivating peaceful relationships “If we can allow the human qualities of faith, hope, and love to be our orientating reference point, perhaps then we may be able to participate in the reinvention of the human at the level of species. One way of participating in the reinvention of the human species is that of cultivating peaceful relationships.”

Understanding Peace: A Comprehensive Guide to Achieving Global Harmony “At its core, peace encompasses far more than just the absence of violence or conflict. It is a state of harmony in which individuals and communities coexist in respect and understanding. Defining peace requires us to consider not only its absence but also the presence of positive elements, such as justice, equality, and compassion.”

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This week, we said that fearless truth is one of the important threads of any peaceful relationship. Here are some articles talking about truth and honesty in relating.

A Step-By-Step Guide to Fearless Communication “The first step to recognizing your communication barriers is to take a closer look at the lessons you learned in your earliest relationships (e.g., parents, friends, early significant others). Think about what messages you received on what was okay/not okay to talk about, did others’ needs take precedence over yours, was your voice (thoughts and feelings) heard, etc.? Once you have reflected a bit on what you learned about communication, think about how you see these early lessons playing out in your relationships as an adult.”

10 Ways to Speak Your Truth in the Relationship “What does speaking your truth mean? To speak the truth in love could mean expressing how you are feeling about your relationship or perhaps your work or friendship. It could also include voicing your opinion about something you feel strongly about or sharing your story and revealing past problems that may have been difficult or painful.”

Truth Telling = Be Fearless “‘Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes’ is one of my favorite quotes. It captures the angst associated with truth-telling. Standing in your truth requires real courage. Unfortunately, it feels like all too often, truth-telling, honesty, and transparency are not valued. Additionally, listening, hearing, and responding to truth can be even more challenging for many of us.”

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This week, we wrote about how to use relationship disagreements in a positive way. It is hard to find matching articles because most of them are about how conflict is good. Here are three articles that understand why it is not necessary.

Disagreements Are Not Conflicts “While lots of couples, and the people who advise them, use disagreement and conflict interchangeably; I believe doing so ignores important differences between these two types of interactions. The defining thing about a disagreement is that you and your partner are talking to each other. And because you are talking to each other, you can negotiate a resolution to the disagreement. You can look for a win-win outcome. Most importantly, after the disagreement, you are both still talking to each other. In contrast, when you and your spouse are in conflict, you are making assumptions about each other and the feelings you have toward each other are negative and strong.”

7 Ways Happy Couples Deal with Disagreements Differently “Every couple disagrees from time to time. Perfect compatibility is not possible, but sensibly working though incompatibility is. The difference between a happy couple and an unhappy couple is the way in which they handle their disagreements. Thus, in order to grow and be successful in our intimate relationships, we must adopt healthy coping strategies for dealing with our differences.”

7 Simple Ways to Deal With a Disagreement Effectively “In every relationship, personal or professional, there will always be some disagreement. You will never find an environment where people always agree and that understand each other. That’s fantasy, not reality. As a leadership coach I spend a lot of time working with my clients helping them deal with breakdowns in communication–and truly, a lot of disagreements amount to a breakdown in communication. Here are seven very simple but effective ways I’ve learned over the years for dealing productively with disagreement.”

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