Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about why creating mutual solutions in your relationships brings peace and joy. We have a particular process for this, but here are some articles that talk about it from different points of view.

How to Foster Mutual Understanding with Your Partner “Avoid blaming, and focus on problem-solving. While it may seem like a perfect opportunity to use your time to speak as a way to talk about what your partner “should” or “ought” to do, this is not a forum for blaming. Avoid using labels that will simply incite anger. By coming up with possible solutions to the problem at hand, you are more likely to find mutual understanding. You and your partner are simply that—partners. When people encounter problems, it is important to focus on the possible solutions, rather than trying to prove who is wrong or right.”

How to Improve Your Relationships With Effective Communication Skills “Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not “winning” the argument or “being right.”

Equal Partnership Through Mutual Attunement and Mutual Decision-Making “Research denotes that couples that have mutual influence in their relationship, respect both partners’ opinions as valid, are both responsible for making final Merri-Lu Jackman Brigham Young University 1 Jackman: Equal Partnership Through Attunement and Decision-Making Published by BYU ScholarsArchive, 2020 decisions, followed by both partners supporting the decisions, experience greater connection and happiness in their marriage (LeBaron et al., 2014; Leonhardt et al., 2019; Jensen et al., 2013).”

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This week, we discussed why it is important to be honest and share your truth in relationships. Here are some other viewpoints to that topic.

Why Honesty In Relationships Is Non-Negotiable & 7 Rules To Follow “Honesty is the quality of always speaking the truth and being totally authentic, straightforward, and transparent in our words and actions. It involves a few key practices: never lying, never hiding the truth, and never purposefully omitting or misdirecting people from the truth.”

Why Honesty is Important in a Relationship “When you build something, whether it’s something like a house, a business, or a piece of software, you want to start with a solid foundation. If you don’t, you may find yourself with problems down the line because what you created can’t withstand the stress of everyday use. The same goes with building relationships, be they business, family, neighborly, or romantic relationships. A key ingredient for a solid foundation for your relationships is honesty. ”

Love and honesty: what we hide and why we lie “I want to talk about honesty and dishonesty and how it comes into play in relationships…. This is about emotional honesty – the habits and ways of being that seem small, but actually create who you are and how you form bonds with others. Because the simple act of being honest can change your life in awesome earth-shattering ways. What I’m talking about is kind of like emotional lying – it’s subtler and therefore insidious in how it hurts your life – and it’s tied a struggle with acceptance. What I hope to offer is insight into why either you are “shielding” others from the truth or why others are doing this to you. I’d also like to sell you on the amazing and powerful benefits of being honest and letting go of control. Because that practice has amazing benefits in your life. Without further ado – three parts: what why and how!”

 

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This week, we’ve written about the sense of connection that, while very important, is not frequently discussed. Here are a few articles that look at the connection aspect of what we wrote about.

How To Know If You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone “An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you’re connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.”

9 Ways to Deepen Your Relationship “Mindfulness, in its most basic form, is a skill we all exercise when addressing the needs and wants of our children, friends and co-workers, yet many of us put those tools away when it comes to our partners—especially during times of conflict and stress. When we practice partner mindfulness, though, we’re stepping outside our own thoughts and into our partner’s, allowing us to empathize and feel what it’s like to be in his or her shoes.”

How To Feel Love: 10 Tips For a Deeper Connection In Your Relationship “After a long day at work, it’s too easy to come home and plop down in front of the television and space out. Don’t forget about your relationship, though, and don’t let your relationship get stale! These tips will help you feel love even if you’re worn out from a long day. You’ll establish a deeper connection in your relationship in no time flat!”

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This week, we looked at why looking at wants, needs and values is so important for your relationship. Here are some articles that discuss why values are important in relationships.

Why It’s So Important for Couples to Talk About Their Values “Romantic relationships are challenging, especially when you are wearing your heart on your sleeve and braving your true self with your partner. When we begin dating someone new, we willingly drown ourselves in the heavy currents of infatuation and attraction. As a result, we often forget to check for compatibility—catching feelings for someone and sharing similar interests and hobbies does not equal compatibility.”

Relationship Series: Shared Values “This is the second post in my Relationship Series and will cover the importance of shared values in your relationship. Values are important in your partnership because values are going to help define what is important to you as individuals and as a couple. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree on everything, but it is important that you agree on the issues that you define as most important.”

Couples Who Share These 8 Core Values Have The Happiest, Healthiest Relationships “What are core values? According to the basic definition, ‘Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organization. These guiding principles dictate behavior and can help people understand the difference between right and wrong.’ To sustain love and create a relationship that has what it takes to survive for years to come, we have to be intentional and mindful of how we create that.”

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This week in our blog, we discussed how to avoid arguments and resolve disagreements in relationships. Here are some other wise words on how to do this.

Beware Of Mistaken Marriage Advice That “All Couples Fight” “Cavemen and cavewomen probably survived by being stronger than others, more aggressive, and quicker at defending themselves in the face of stressful potential conflicts. The modern world survives, by contrast, primarily on abilities to cooperate. Stressful situations that are becoming adversarial between loving partners can escalate into ever more stressful arguments. Alternatively, they can be handled with calm, productive, collaborative talking together (link is external) that dissipates stress and yields creation of mutually comfortable solutions.”

The Difference Between a Disagreement and a Fight “Just going along with your spouse and forgetting your own wants or needs does not result in a better outcome, unless the disagreement is so minor you will not remember it tomorrow…. If you pursue a Third Alternative, an option each of you finds at least as pleasing as the one your mate turned down, you get two huge benefits.”

The Difference Between Conflict & Disagreement “Most of us can think about how conflict is different from disagreement. We have folks we can peacefully disagree with on certain issues and it doesn’t affect our relationship. But what is it that turns a difference of opinion in to an outright argument or nasty fight? Power.”

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