Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

In this week’s blog, we talked about how being defended stops you from being close in your relationships. Here are some other voices on this topic.

How to Stop Being Defensive in Relationships “Romantic relationships consist of highs and lows. To make a relationship work, both partners need to put in the effort. In this process, arguments can happen. But there are some things to keep in mind while arguing. One of the main things that can hamper a romantic relationship is defensiveness. Can becoming extremely defensive help you communicate with your partner? No. When you’re being defensive, it is hampering the quality of communication with your partner.”

Here’s What To Do If Your Partner Always Gets Defensive ” I would argue that defensiveness is one of the biggest troublemakers in relationships, as at least a quarter of the work I do with couples is to help them learn to hear one another instead of simply responding. Many of us struggle with being open to complaints, protests, or concerns, quick to shield ourselves with the armor of defensiveness rather than address the issue at hand.”

What Is Defensiveness and How It Becomes A Vicious Cycle “Defensiveness often results from an attempt to protect oneself against perceived threats. When this happens, people tend to become rigidly set in their opinions and beliefs and refuse to see the other person’s point of view. They often turn things around and blame the other person for how they’re feeling or become critical of themselves. A person can become defensive because of a fear of rejection, abandonment, humiliation, or failure. Defensiveness can sneak up on you without our realizing it until it has already entrenched in your relationships and done its damage.”

By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with

This week in our blog, we asked what important secrets can we learn from animals about relationships. Here are some observations, research and humor about animals that answer this question.

10 Spiritual and Life Lessons Animals Can Teach Us “Look and you’ll find the silent spiritual wisdom of animals all around. It’s simple to follow, devoid of any rigid tenets or esoteric concepts, and yet deeply profound in impact. It’s no wonder then that animals have been spiritual companions to humans, in some of the most ancient cultures.”

What makes dogs so special and successful? Love. “Research on dogs has exploded in recent decades. Universities have opened canine cognition labs, and scientists have probed dogs’ intelligence, behavior, biology and skills. Clive Wynne, a psychologist and founder of the Canine Science Collaboratory at Arizona State University, has a new book that walks readers through the growing body of dog science. In it, he argues that what makes dogs remarkable is not their smarts, but their capacity to form affectionate relationships with other species — in short, to love.”

17 Important Life Lessons We Can All Learn From Animals “Human beings may be considered the more evolved species on Earth but there’s no denying that the animals who can’t talk are also quite intelligent. Whether it is teaching us how to survive in the harsh reality of the jungle to proving their loyalty as our beloved pets, there’s a lot we, humans, can learn from animals.”

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By Posted on Posted in Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about how we create peace in our relationship by intending to do so. Here are some other writers on peace and intention.

5 Ways To Create More Harmony In Your Relationships “If you want to create more peace in your relationships, it starts with your relationship with yourself. The relationship of your dreams, where there’s authentic connection and you feel loved, accepted, and honored just as you are is completely possible when you realize that it starts with YOU. The thought patterns and limiting beliefs that keep you from truly opening to the potential for an expansive, fulfilling, and connected partnership are nothing more than mental habits.”

5 Steps To Harness The Power Of Intention “Intention is the starting point of every dream. It is the creative power that fulfills all of our needs, whether for money, relationships, spiritual awakening, or love. Everything that happens in the universe begins with intention. When I decide to buy a birthday present, wiggle my toes, or call a friend, it all starts with intention. The sages of India observed thousands of years ago that our destiny is ultimately shaped by our deepest intentions and desires. ”

6 Things That Make Inner Peace Easy “Time is not your most important possession — inner peace is. Imagine you have a whole day just for yourself with an endless amount of money but on the inside, you are worried or afraid of something. How happy will you be during that day?”

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By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we asked how can you increase quality time in your relationship? Although nobody else seems to talk about it in the same way that we do, here are some articles on the topic.

Be Present In Your Relationship “Are you distracted when you’re spending time with your partner? Are you guilty of mindlessly scrolling through your phone while they’re telling you about their day? Although you’re nodding and physically in the same space as your significant other, you’re sending them signals that you’re not engaged with what they’re saying. This makes them question your commitment to the relationship and, over time, can cause major resentment.”

Relationships – creating intimacy “Intimacy in a relationship is a feeling of being close, and emotionally connected and supported. It means being able to share a whole range of thoughts, feelings and experiences that we have as human beings. It involves being open and talking through your thoughts and emotions, letting your guard down (being vulnerable), and showing someone else how you feel and what your hopes and dreams are. Intimacy is built up over time, and it requires patience and effort from both partners to create and maintain. Discovering intimacy with someone you love can be one of the most rewarding aspects of a relationship.”

10 Ways of Being Present in a Relationship “Learning to be in a relationship healthily requires presence. Being present means, you have an awareness of how you’re connecting with another person. That translates to the level of attention you give that person. In essence, being present speaks to you being fully aware of providing a loved one with unconditional loving, undivided attention. Focusing on the present is free of passing judgments, displaying an ego. There are no distractions nor agendas. The idea is to merely be with the other person in a “soul-to-soul” experience at the moment.”

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By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Reading, Relationship differences, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with

This week, we wrote about why it’s important to look beyond relationship differences to your own reactions. Here are some articles that write about the different outcomes between reacting and responding.

Reacting and Responding Are Different—And Experts Say One Is Much Better for Relationship Health “If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I wish I would’ve said X instead of what I actually said,” you might be familiar with the concept of reacting versus responding. Similarly, if you’ve wished that a loved one were more thoughtful about what they said and how they said it, you likely (albeit, perhaps just subconsciously) wish that they’d responded instead of reacted.”

React vs Respond “Let’s talk about reaction versus response. Some people use the words synonymously but to me there’s a world of difference. A reaction is instant. It’s driven by the beliefs, biases, and prejudices of the unconscious mind. When you say or do something “without thinking,” that’s the unconscious mind running the show. A reaction is based in the moment and doesn’t take into consideration long term effects of what you do or say. A reaction is survival-oriented and on some level a defense mechanism. It might turn out okay but often a reaction is something you regret later.”

Difference Between Reacting and Responding “Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize you are in an eerily similar situation as the past? Last week my wife Lynn got pretty mad at me for the same reason my ex used to—saying something insensitive. This time, I responded differently and the outcome was a lot better, which caused me to reflect on the difference between reacting and responding.”

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