Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with ,

Our blog this week was about ensuring that your relationship embraces sacred space, a time when the two of you are fully connected. Here are some other writings exploring aspects of this.

Sacred Space “At some point, we will all experience the ups and downs of being human. Feeling lost, being in love, confusion, wanting more, healing. Creating sacred space is one valuable tool that can support our everyday work of building lives of purpose and meaning. Sacred space provides an opportunity for us to explore the kind of person we want to be, what we believe, and why.”

Safe Space, Sacred Space — How to Stay Together “Sacred space is that sacrosanct condition where two people come together in innocence and openness in the name of love. Anything can happen in this space. Anything can be said in this space. Anything can be forgiven in this space. And, everything can be held in this space. It is this safe, sacred space that allows our hearts to bond, unite, and become one.”

Me, You, Us – Entering the Sacred Space of Co-creation “Intimacy is the coming together of two separate selves in a joint-effort creation: You and Me make Us. Something happens in that space of co-creation where intimacy happens, something invisible and magical, something sacred, spiritual in nature. A bridge is built, upon which there is a steady stream of energy flowing back and forth, an exchange of essences, where understanding and closeness are achieved, where an indestructible bond develops. Us is sacred, one of a kind, special and unique unto itself, just as You and Me are special and unique. Us becomes an entity unto itself and a source of vital nourishment.”

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This week, we wrote about why it is important to remember you are on the same side as your partner. We found remarkably little addressing this topic directly, so we had to link to an earlier article of ours.

This One Phrase Helps Turn A Fight Into A Problem To Solve “After 10 years of marriage, Ashley Innes is no stranger to heated, circular arguments with her spouse. Oftentimes, these fights are centered on work-life balance since both she and her husband have demanding, high-stress jobs. But then, Innes pulled out a secret argument-ending phrase that she now uses often. “I told my husband, ‘Hey, remember we’re on the same team,’” she said. “Saying that just instantly takes you out of the argument and reminds you that this person is not the enemy.””

Know You are on the Same Side in Your Relationship “In any relationship, there can be a feeling of being on the same side that is quite delicious. It may be no more than the grizzled assistant at the hardware store helping you decide the best way to construct a raised flower bed. He’s not trying to maximize the sale; he’s working with you to find the best approach. Or maybe it’s you and your partner planning the garden or a trip or the blog you write together. Whatever it is, become attuned to that feeling, because if it vanishes, that’s a warning signal that you may be swerving into the path of a full-blown argument.”

GET ON THE SAME PAGE (The Secret To A Feel Good Relationship) “What does this mean? It means quite simply that if we want our relationships to continue long term and if we want to feel good in our relationships, we have to BE ON THE SAME PAGE. When I counsel couples, every conflict I see boils down to this simple thing. The two people involved in the relationship are not on the same page. The differences between their perspectives and desires and therefore thoughts and actions about a subject are causing a wide vibrational gap to form between them.”

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This week we wrote that a relationship commitment should be one of intention and choice, not duty and obligation. Here are some writers on how to put intention foremost in your life.

Make this “Your Year!” An Intention Setting Guide for Couples and Individuals “A goal is measurable, it places value, either you achieve your goal or you fail (that seems harsh)! It is often born in the rational, 3-D mind, is black or white and can be non-forgiving. Intentions come from within, your deepest desires, the song in your heart and the energy of your soul coming together to create an intention. Intentions are compassionate, forgiving, ever growing, and evolving.”

Collaborative Influence “Collaborative Intention: Maintaining a non-defensive presence and making a conscious personal commitment to seeking mutual gains in your relationships. We call this being in the Green Zone, as opposed to being in the Red Zone which is a more adversarial attitude that we can slip into unconsciously. People in the Green Zone consciously seek solutions rather than blame. They think both short-term and long-term. They are interested in other points of view and welcome feedback. The key is remaining conscious of building mutual success. People in the Red Zone respond defensively, which triggers defensiveness in others.”

How to Shift From Expectations to Intentions “Shift the way you view the future, and the world around you will shift, too. Setting intentions for your day, your relationship, and your life could be one of the most beneficial things you do to steer yourself in a positive direction. But not all intentions are made equal. If you feel downtrodden, frustrated, or downright disappointed, chances are you have set an expectation—the sneaky cousin of the intention, that is far less forgiving, accommodating, and beneficial to a life well-lived.”

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In our blog this week, we wrote about how to work through disagreements to reach a mutual solution. Here are some ideas from a variety of perspectives on this.

How to Reach a Mutual Solution in Your Relationship “…when we have a disagreement or we need to make a decision, we find that we can reach a solution without ever having to see each other as being on opposite sides…. We looked into how we were able to do this and identified different aspects which together make up what we call Our Process. You too can apply this in your relationship, and the more you do it, the easier and the more enjoyable it will become.”

How To Disagree Without Fighting With Your Partner “Disagreements in relationships are inevitable in even the happiest partnerships, but fighting doesn’t need to be. Disagreeing in a healthy manner takes conscientious effort, but it’s admittedly a lot less work than dealing with the fallout of a bad fight. Whether it’s disagreeing about something big or small, use these tips to avoid getting caught up in the moment and move through conflicts gracefully and respectfully. ”

How to Argue Respectfully with Your Spouse “So I tried different approaches and found that instead of closing his ears, he opened them. I learned I could disagree without fighting with him. Here are 4 tips (summed up in one word) that anyone can use to learn how to argue respectfully with your spouse. Think T.A.L.K.”

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This week we wrote that wants and needs are worldly, while values form the basis for how you interact with the world. Here are some people writing about the importance of core values in your life.

11 Core Relationship Values Every Couple Must Have “When we talk about core values, we are referring to the fundamental beliefs that build your identity. They guide our behavior giving us a compass of what is adequate and desirable as opposed to wrong and unacceptable. When we don’t act in accordance with our core beliefs, we feel we are betraying the essence of who we are.”

The key for a successful relationship: Aligned values “Aligned values are one the most important things in any relationship. Whether it is with your life partner or business partner, aligned or misaligned values will define the success or failure of a relationship from day one. I like to visualise this as a pyramid, where at the very top you have your values, and below that, you have your life vision, then your objectives, and then at the bottom, your interests.”

How to Live Your Core Values “When we think of how our lives are measured, we recall the experiences that felt meaningful to us: a graduation, a birth, a celebration, an achievement. But these experiences alone do not define your core values, says career coach Tara Mohr. It’s the qualities underneath those peak moments that define us.”

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