Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with , ,

This week we wrote about how you can best be supportive and help other people. These articles discuss this topic from various points of view.

How to Be Emotionally Supportive “It’s not enough to simply ask questions. Listening actively, or empathically, is another important part of providing emotional support. When you really listen to someone, you give them your full attention. Show interest in their words by: displaying open body language, like turning your body toward them, relaxing your face, or keeping your arms and legs uncrossed, avoiding distractions, like playing with your phone or thinking about other things you need to do, nodding along with their words or making noises of agreement instead of interrupting asking for clarification when you don’t understand something summarizing what they’ve said to show you have a good grasp of the situation. Using good listening skills shows others you care about what they’re going through. For someone who’s struggling, knowing that someone else has heard their pain can make a big difference.”

Formula for Providing Emotional Support “As someone who researches and teaches what makes emotional support effective, hands down the number one question people ask me is, “What do I say?” There are so many moments, large and small, when someone we love is in pain or upset and our natural desire is to help. Yet, for many of us, when someone comes to us, we pause, wondering how to best respond. Or, we go to what we know best—we offer advice. Unfortunately, advice as a go-to strategy for when a loved one is upset usually backfires. Research shows that while most people offer advice, men and women both overwhelmingly want emotional support. And although there isn’t one “right” message you can employ when someone is upset, there are behaviors you can use that will make your attempts much more successful.”

The Importance of Supporting Each Other in a Relationship “Being supportive does not mean doing anything for your partner that makes us uncomfortable. It doesn’t also necessarily mean that we need to try and solve other people’s issues. Part of being supportive is to be really present and a good listener, to not constantly stand in judgment and actually have a sincere and caring disposition. To really hear and understand what the other person is communicating and not allowing our own stuff to get in the way. When someone truly loves and supports you, they will challenge you, stand beside you when you need them and give you space to be yourself and grow as a person.”

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This week, we wrote about how to honor both closeness and space in your relationship. We feel that our view offers new insight into the nature of connection within relationships. These articles deal with the issue of connection from different perspectives.

3 Steps to Reconnect When You Feel Disconnected From Your Partner “In relationships people offer what Dr. John Gottman calls a “bid” for each other’s attention, affection, or support. This can be as insignificant as “please cut the carrots” to something as significant as helping a partner deal with the struggles of an aging parent. In these moments, we have a choice to turn towards our partner or away from them. If we turn towards our partner, we build trust, emotional connection, and a passionate sex life.”

Emotional Connection “Many of you have probably heard complaints from your partner about “not feeling connected.” If you have not spent some time considering your own emotional needs, you may have no idea of what s/he is talking about. Here I will address three basic questions: What does it mean to feel connected? How do two people get disconnected? What can be done to minimize the problem of disconnection?”

10 Ways to Connect with Your Partner “There are many reasons that partners become distant over time. The thrill of infatuation inevitably gives way to the regularity of daily routine. That is normal. The combination of work, family obligations, children, finances, and friends all conspire to drain a relationship’s vitality. So are all long-term relationships doomed? Do we submit and suffer in silence? The question is, with the demands of life, how do you keep relationships moving in tandem? In what ways can you connect with your partner?”

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In this week’s blog, we talked about putting peace at the heart of your relationships. There are many different aspects to peace, both personal and social. Here are some examples that range widely across the spectrum.

Relationship Peace “Peace is not a consequence that automatically occurs because two people choose to enter into a human relationship like marriage or friendship. Without consistent effort any preference for peace will probably be overcome by the prevalence of problems. Genuine peace must be pursued with diligence and devotion.”

Peace in Relationship — a video. “Why find peace some day? The ability to access peace has always been with you.”

Societies within peace systems avoid war and build positive intergroup relationships “A comparative anthropological perspective reveals not only that some human societies do not engage in war, but also that peaceful social systems exist…. The mere existence of peace systems is important because it demonstrates that creating peaceful intergroup relationships is possible whether the social units are tribal societies, nations, or actors within a regional system. Peace systems have received scant scientific attention despite holding potentially useful knowledge and principles about how to successfully cooperate to keep the peace.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about why it is important to speak your truth in relationships. Here are some other authors writing about this topic.

9 Easy Ways You Can Speak Your Truth Today “When your circumstances invite you to present your true self to others, do you accept the invitation? I think of authentic communication as sharing the unfiltered essence of ourselves with others, including our identities, feelings, needs, boundaries, and desires. It’s taken me many years to learn how to communicate this way. I’ve written in prior posts that speaking my truth once felt like an insurmountable challenge, like rolling an elephant up a hill or finding another living being who actually likes Nickelback. (Anyone? No?)”

The Value of Speaking Your Truth “When teaching effective communication, I usually find myself emphasizing the power of listening. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish just by showing another person that you care about their experience. But recently a number of interactions have reminded me about the fact that good communication begins with having the courage to speak up, say what you’re feeling and ask for what you need”

How to Speak Your Truth, Part 1 and Part 2 “Speaking your truth can be one of the most powerful ways to transform your relationship. It opens the door to greater authenticity, intimacy, connection, satisfaction, and security. How, you wonder? Consider: Being honest about who you are is the best way to get to be you who you are. It never feels good to hide or compromise your true self, and it’s a deeply felt human desire to be seen, known, accepted and loved.”

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By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships No Comments Tagged with ,

In our blog this week, we wrote about the opportunity for a fresh start as we emerge from the lockdown. Let’s find a way to connect and treasure each other all the time, not just when things go bad! Here are the takes of some other writers on this.

Need a reset? The end of pandemic life can be a fresh start “If there was ever a perfect time to make a life change, this is it. Behavioural scientists have long known that times of disruption and trauma also create new opportunities for growth and change. Disruption happens when life knocks us out of our normal routines. It can be moving to a new city, starting a new job, getting married or divorced, or having a child. And for many of us there’s never been a bigger life disruption than the pandemic, which has changed how we work, eat, sleep and exercise, and even how we connect with friends and family.”

One year later: 15 ways life has changed since the onset of the COVID pandemic “Fifteen Fortune staffers reported on some of the most significant ways in which our lives have been altered, and one lesson rings true: Virtually no one has been left untouched after 12 months of such dramatic disruption. A generous dose of empathy and understanding of that truth will make us all stronger as we rebuild and remake our world in the year ahead.”

In Their Own Words, Americans Describe the Struggles and Silver Linings of the COVID-19 Pandemic “Pew Research Center has been asking survey questions over the past year about Americans’ views and reactions to the COVID-19 pandemic. In August, we gave the public a chance to tell us in their own words how the pandemic has affected them in their personal lives. We wanted to let them tell us how their lives have become more difficult or challenging, and we also asked about any unexpectedly positive events that might have happened during that time.”

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