Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we discussed what factors are important in a conflict-free relationship. Here are two articles and a video discussing different aspects of this issue.

Trust In Relationship: Why Is It Important And How To Build It? “Trust is that foundation upon which your relationship can survive the hardest of times. In fact, without trust, you cannot sustain your relationship for a long time. Lack of trust is one of the reasons for relationships to fall apart. Here is why trust is the driving factor in relationships:”

To Understand Your Relationships, Try Understanding Yourself “To sum up, personality is not a quality that exists in isolation within any given individual. We project our own personality problems onto others, but also interpret the traits of other people in terms of our own preferences for the qualities of others. The next time you find yourself annoyed by your partner’s behavior, this study suggests you should truly ask ‘whether it’s you or me.'”

Mutuality matters with Kare Anderson (Youtube video) “We all want to use our talents to create something meaningful with our lives. But how to get started? (And … what if you’re shy?) Writer Kare Anderson shares her own story of chronic shyness, and how she opened up her world by helping other people use their own talents and passions. On this episode Kare shares her vision for a purposeful humanity and how to weave a culture based on mutuality into our current and dominant paradigm.”

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In this week’s blog, we discussed core values, the third of a triumvirate of factors that bond people together. Here are three articles that discuss this from very different points of view.

Why Is Recognizing Needs and Values Important in Relationships? “Needs and values — the things we care about, the sources of our wants — matter because they are the contents of our core selves. They make up much of the terrain of our inner worlds…. Needs and values are indeed highly interconnected. There will be times, in your process of gaining deeper understanding of another person, when it won’t be important to distinguish whether you’re exploring a need or a value. But there is an important distinction between the two: needs tend to be very similar for all people, whereas values tend to be highly individualized.”

Shared Values Over Shared Interests: What’s Most Important in Relationships “… While I share that story to reveal that there are indeed, instances where opposites are attracted to each other, it’s important to also note that while individual interests might vary, for a relationship to last for the long-term, there have to be mutual, shared values. That means that one partner might love swing dancing, chick flicks and staying up late, while the other prefers action movies, watching baseball and going to bed early. Still, they should agree on the “big” stuff in life, like their future plans for children, where they want to live, and what they ultimately want.”

Are Relationships Workable When You Have Clashing Values? “I remember a few years ago I was in a relationship with a woman whom I loved deeply. The passion and feelings were there. They were strong. Yet, the relationship never felt right. In terms of our values, we were mismatched. While my heart was in it, my head was trying to pull me away. Our emotional connection was fierce, but we did not connect in some of the crucial areas of alignment.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about sex and union in a relationship, one of three aspects of mutuality. Here are articles about both the scientific and union aspects.

4 Scientific Ways Good Sex Brings You Closer to Your Partner “Does engaging in intercourse make you feel closer to your partner? You’re not alone. There are scientific reasons why sex (especially good sex) makes you feel closer to your lover.”

Spiritual Sex: Ecstatic Love Beyond The Physical “The fact is that sexuality and spirituality were never split until well into the first millennium of the Common Era when denial of the body became the popular theology of the day. It may seem outrageous to view sexuality in such lofty terms. Yet, it no longer makes sense to deny the spiritual dimension of our sexuality, as if we had “lower,” physical urges and “higher,” spiritual functions, disconnected from the body.”

10 Benefits of Physical Intimacy in Your Relationship “Physical intimacy involves a deep emotional connection that is strengthened when you are in close sensual proximity to your spouse. Touching, both romantically and otherwise, can help strengthen this bond. How important is physical intimacy in a relationship? Having this deep bond can have a positive effect on nearly every other aspect of your relationship.”

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In this week’s blog, we said that mutuality is the core of a peaceful relationship. Here are some articles that talk about this from differing points of view.

The Principle of Mutuality in Relationships “There is a universal rule or principle that, if properly practiced and adhered to in every layer of societies, will bring about peace, prosperity and justice for all. This principle is called the principle of mutuality. Elsewhere in the scriptures, it is also known as the Golden Rule or “do unto others as you would want others to do unto you”.”

The Meaning of Mutuality (pdf) “Delineation of different kinds of relationships becomes important as a way of understanding what people are seeking in relationships and why certain relationships are a source of joy and meaning, while others become deadening and destructive. People often speak of the search for mutuality in relationship as a goal in their lives, particularly in dyadic love relationships.”

True Mutuality: ?The Key to Creating Healthy Relationships “Ultimately, this is all about boundaries. And healthy relationships come when we draw and maintain those healthy boundaries. In positive relationships, we carry mutuality within us. We balance care for another person’s goals while still caring about our own goals. We balance respect for others while respecting ourselves.”

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In this week’s blog, we talked about why it’s important to share your true feelings in your relationship. We found some articles with very astute insights into this subject.

How to Talk About Feelings With Your Romantic Partner “Here’s the thing: Naming feelings is not the final step to solving difficulties. Sometimes it takes time and work to make changes that help both partners feel comfortable. But an important first step in many situations is finding the words that describe the actual feelings. And sometimes that’s actually enough to start a change process.”

5 Easy Ways To Communicate Better in Your Relationship “Communication is defined as a lot of things but my favorite definition includes, “the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings”. I always say I’m a great talker, but I have to also be an equally great listener in order to be a great communicator. Communication is about expressing yourself in a healthy way, listening to your partner when they are doing the same, and really hearing and absorbing what the other person has to say.”

Why Couples Should Be Talking About Their Feelings “Some people really struggle to bring up the topics that impact their relationship. This is because it taps into our worst fears about being rejected, abandoned or some other dreadful action by our partner. But, like the everyday life topics, it’s not enough to just talk about your thoughts and opinions on the tougher issues (parenting, sex, in-laws, finances and so on). You must also discuss (you guessed it!) how you feel about these topics”

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