Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog we discussed our unique perspective on Mutuality. Here are some articles presenting different but interesting perspectives.

Joanne Davila: Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships This is a transcript of a TEDx talk. “Mutuality is about knowing that both people have needs and that both sets of needs matter. With mutuality, you’ll be able to convey your own needs in a clear, direct fashion that increases the likelihood that you’ll get them met.”

The Yoga of Relationships “When we learn to treat others with relational skillfulness, we are practicing yoga. The ultimate goal of Yoga is union—union with the divine essence in ourselves and in the world around us. Like a wave in the great ocean of existence, human beings have the capacity to melt our sense of separateness and experience oneness with everything and everyone.”

The Meaning of Mutuality This is an academic paper with a very fascinating treatment of mutuality “This paper explores relationships characterized by mutual intersubjectivity, in which individuals relate to one another based on an interest in each other as whole, complex people. Traditional psychoanalytic theory and object relations theory have emphasized a line of development marked by increasing internal structure, boundedness and use of the other as a need-gratifying “object.” Today, many women are concerned with growth through relationships founded on mutuality.”

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In this week’s blog, we stated that you do not always have to struggle in your relationship. Open your minds and your hearts to another way and transform it into one full of calm, peace and joy. You can create a life without hardship and difficulty. Here are some articles to help you.

Conscious Relationships: A Path for Growth and Personal Transformation “A conscious relationship comprises a path for growth and personal transformation that is seen by some as a spiritual calling. The partners in a conscious relationship are committed to the radical practice of love. They are not trying to extract love, approval or security from their partner, but instead seek to behave lovingly toward each other. In conscious relationships, each partner is committed to their own growth and to the growth of their partner over and above maintaining the relationship, per se.”

Use Positive Psychology to Transform Your Relationship in Four Steps “Everlasting love can be more than just something you see in Disney movies – if you master four habits from the field of positive psychology. That’s according to a husband and wife team who’ve spent the last decade researching positive psychology and working on a book trying to distil the secrets to relationship success into bite-size rules. ‘Promoting a healthy (rather than an obsessive) passion, cultivating and prioritising positive emotions, taking time to mindfully savour experiences together, and seeking out strengths in one another.'”

How to Transform Your Love Life Starting Today “Oftentimes, I get asked the following question: What’s one thing someone can do right now to change their dating and love life? A simple question for what is often thought of as a complicated subject. But the truth is, moving your love life forward doesn’t have to be as difficult and daunting as people make it out to be.”

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This week, we wrote about transforming your relationship, a theme we also taught in our workshop. Here are some authors sharing their thoughts on various aspects of transformation.

Can One Person Transform a Relationship? “It sounds impossible, right? After all, it takes two to tango. How can one person transform a relationship without the other one on board? Well, it does take two to tango, but if one dancer knows exactly what they’re doing and practices often, he/she can teach their partner how to be a better dancer without them even knowing it.”

Empathy: The Secret To Transforming Your Love Relationships “I will say that one thing I have seen work wonders in improving relationships and alleviating marital and personal hardship is empathy. I call it the “secret sauce” of a happy marriage. In fact, a Harvard research study from a few years ago showed that marriages were more successful when the man tried to demonstrate empathy in his interactions with his wife. Clearly, there’s something important and noteworthy about it.”

To love is to nurture: The secret to real relationship transformation “Stop saying ‘I love you.’ And start saying, ‘I will nurture you.’ Shocking right? Yet when you give this one a try; the results will speak for themselves. From the first session I invite couples to lay down the word ‘love’ and instead use the word ‘nurture’. When we say we want someone to love us, we actually mean we want someone to nurture us.”

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In this week’s blog we wrote about commitment. This week’s links discuss various aspects of this topic.

Committed Relationship – What Does That Really Mean? “Commitment also requires that each partner choose it themselves. I don’t believe anyone can force you to commit to something. You can certainly try, but ultimately a true commitment that comes from the heart has to come from each person of their own free will.”

Passion + Intimacy + Commitment = Consummate Love “Passion, intimacy, and commitment are the three pillars of couple-love, says psychologist, Robert Sternberg in his “triangular theory.” We may love based on intimacy, passion, or commitment, or any combination of the three.”

What Committed to a Relationship Means “A deeper level of commitment, the psychologists report, is a much better predictor of lower divorce rates and fewer problems in marriage.”

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This week, we discuss why you need to avoid keeping score in your relationship. This, unfortunately, is a very common behavior in many relationships. Here are some articles to help you avoid acting in this way.

Stop Keeping Score “Who does the most work in the office? Who gets the most attention? Who did most of the cleaning in the house? Who bought the most presents? Who called who the most? The answer is this: No one cares about the silly scorecards inside your brain. When people keep score, there’s only one outcome: Resentment.”

Do You Keep Score in Your Relationships? “You and your partner just argued for the umpteenth time about whose turn it is to walk the dog:
“I walked her twice yesterday,” you point out.
“And I walked her for three days last week,” your partner retorts.
“Well,” you counter, “I took the kids to the doctor on Tuesday.”
And so it goes.”

Keeping Score In Marriage: 7 Tips To Help You Not Keep Score “Are you keeping score in your marriage? If you are, stop! You might be keeping scores in your head, or written them down on a hidden piece of paper somewhere, or on your phone. Keeping score in your marriage will not only make you feel miserable and guilty…. It will keep you waiting like a Lion, ready to pounce on your predator (in this case your spouse) for any mistakes he/she makes.”

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