Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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We wrote in this week’s blog about how to avoid disturbances in your relationship field. Here are some great articles about the role of commitment in your relationship.

Commitment in healthy relationships “Commitment to the relationship is related to the quality of the relationship. It makes sense that people who commit themselves to a relationship are more likely to find rewards than those who invest sporadically or half-heartedly. This article reviews the various dimensions of commitment in intimate relationships, including commitment as an attraction, commitment as moral obligation, and commitment as constraint. Because commitment has multiple dimensions, it functions differently in different relationships. Strategies for cultivating commitment are presented.”

Commitment: The Path to Relationship Happiness “I recently realized that in more than 30 years as a counselor, therapist, and coach, I have never been able to help anyone who wasn’t committed to what they wanted. Having a strong rescuer/hero complex, for many years I tried for a 100% success rate helping couples save their marriages, individuals find happiness, business owners achieve success, and so on, taking personal responsibility for the outcome. Whenever the desired results didn’t happen, I blamed my skills and methods and sought more training and techniques, and never achieved more than a 50% success rate. I felt relieved when I discovered that other helping professionals did no better. Thinking of all the people I tried to help, the biggest difference between those that succeeded and those that didn’t, appeared to be- Commitment.”

Staying Together – How to Create a Healthy Committed Relationship “When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes community and family support (which isn’t as available as it once was in our society) – and it takes skill. Many of us have failed to learn how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection.”

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We wrote in this week’s blog about avoiding fear and attachment in your relationship conflicts. Here are some articles and a video about unearthing the reasons behind your conflicts.

How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship “Of course it helps to be entering a relationship with a strong feeling of self-love. But I also think that if you are in a partnership where self-love is lacking, and the space between you is needy, irritating, and harmful, things can be turned around. Learning self-love is an ongoing process. It’s not a switch you can just flick on. Even couples who have a healthy amount of self-love could have more.”

Don’t Overcome Fear: What to Do Instead This is a video from Dr. Gail Brenner about which she says “Do you feel stuck in fear? Are you trying to overcome it? Turning toward the fear with curiosity is the beginning of building a friendly relationship with it. When you stop fighting fear, it begins to lose its power over you. And here you are…peaceful…at ease in your life…”

Don’t Let Fear Destroy Your Relationship “Why do we fight with our partners? I’m not referring to small arguments that resolve reasonably quickly with a compromise. I am talking about fights that blow like a hurricane into a peaceful day and leave us broken, exhausted, and confused as we wonder, what just happened? These consuming and crazy-making fights are generally fueled by unspoken and unnamed fears. Because most of us do not like feeling scared, we have spent years developing strategies to try to control our fear by squashing it or avoiding it. The problem is, fear does not like being forced out of town. It may ride away for a while, but it will come back, with its posse, armed and ready to force us to hear it and take it seriously.”

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Maude wrote in this week’s blog about her challenges of accepting Phil’s approach to illness. Here are some articles about acceptance in relationships.

Acknowledging and Accepting Your Mate “What sets the affirming couple apart from others? After all, most couples begin their relationship with a variety of shared, positive experiences based on their mutual attraction and emerging love. One difference, however, is that affirming couples — that is, those in which the partners extend unconditional respect and consideration to one another — have often witnessed other affirming relationships while growing up. Their expectations and practical skills support their ability to acknowledge and accept their partner, which may not be the case in relationships that deteriorate over time”

Understand and accept differences in your relationship “Things just are, until you make something out of it. Life is the way it is. The world is the way it is.. Your partner is the way he/she is. This is so, until the moment you make something out of it. Be aware that in that process of creation your judgment and prejudice slips in.”

Accepting Differences in Marriage “The old saying, ‘opposites attract’ is often true. The difficulty is once they marry they drive each other crazy. Our opposites tend to fascinate us because they add variety to life and pull us from our comfortable rut of familiarity. Accepting differences is difficult. Opposites stretch us beyond ourselves, forcing us to broaden our horizons. They add depth and provide opportunities for growth. It’s from them that we learn our most difficult lessons. They expose us to thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are foreign to us. They balance our lopsidedness and make us more complete.”

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We wrote in this week’s blog on 4 ways to break bad patterns in your relationship by trying something different for a day. Here are some articles with other exercises to improve your relationship.

This One Exercise Can Improve Your Relationship Today “What a lot of people don’t realize is that what they are seeing has to do with where they are looking, and whatever they look at starts to get bigger in their mind. The brain has limited attentional capacity, which means it can only focus on a certain number of things at one time. Once your brain is occupied with something, you start to lose awareness of what else is happening around you.”

Couples Communication Boosters – Top 5 Activities You Must Try “Communication activities for married couples are those exercises that couples can do to improve the way they converse with one another. As these activities take place, communication skills are enhanced and spouses learn to understand one another. Of course words are understood, that is a given, but when communication is improved, spouses learn the meaning behind those words. This includes how their partner feels and why something is being said.”

5 Communication Games Guaranteed to Bring You Closer “The idea of “working on our communication” is usually met with eye rolls, shrugs or even denials of a problem…Communication Is More than Talking…Talking is simply sharing information using words. It is a way to inform another person about a particular thing. It’s important but it is not a stand-alone relationship builder. Stick around and we’ll show you 5 simple games you and your partner can play to exercise your communication skills, deepen your romantic connection, and build a stronger life together.”

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We wrote in this week’s blog on making all your relationships a way to spread peace. Here are some articles on how to build better relationships in your life.

Building and Sustaining Relationships “Every relationship is different, but they all matter. If you smile and say hello to the school crossing guard on your way to work every day, you have formed a relationship. That crossing guard may be the one who will be watching out for your kids or grandchildren when they are old enough to walk to school by themselves. The guard will remember you and your warm smile when escorting your child across the street.”

5 Ways to Build Stronger Relationships “We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and probably some friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are simply not fulfilling. They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth.”

5 ways to build a good relationship with anyone “Like most people, I’ve been working on a few new things. I’m doing more public speaking. I’m experimenting with hot yoga. And I’m trying to build better relationships with the people who matter to me. … Robin Dreeke is in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s elite Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program. Robin combines hard science and years of work in the field to offer practical tips to build rapport and establish trust.”