Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationship differences, Relationships, Successful Relating

In this week’s blog, we wrote about why diversity in your relationship is good. Here are thoughts from some others on this topic.

Embracing Diversity in Relationships “In this post, we will talk about the first two phases of a relationship. Phase one, which is all about unity, similarity, and harmony; and phase two, which is all about fostering and embracing diversity. We’ll do this by commenting on some song lyrics, a poem, and a parable.”

Celebrate The Difference in Couple Relationships “Each person has their own Mary Poppins type bag full of tools to help them live their lives. When you meet that special someone and want to have a full on relationship with them, beware. They will have their own bag too, probably a different set from yours. This is what I call our adaptions to life.”

When Differences Can Make Your Relationship Stronger The author describes losing a backpack, then writes: “What can explain the drastically different reactions that James and I had to this same shared experience? The answer is that we have different goal strategies, or what researchers refer to as “regulatory focus” In other words, even when we have the same goals, we frame those goals in very different ways.”

By Posted on Posted in Peace, Reading, Relationships Tagged with ,

We wrote in this week’s blog on what peace is and how to spread it. We have some great links about personal and world peace this week, starting with a video from Martin Hellman.

Creating true love at home & peace on the planet TEDx “Our marriage became a laboratory where we learned how to resolve seemingly unfathomable differences through holistic thinking and compassion. Working on global issues proved critical to bringing magic back into our marriage, and truly loving personal relationships provide the model for a peaceful, sustainable planet.”

What if the Key to World Peace is Your Personal Relationship to Your Body? “Peace is a way of being, not a way of thinking. It’s an action, not an idea. You can think you want peace all day long, but if you’re waging war against your own impulses, habits and desires, or even worse, against the very essence of who you are, then your actions are violent and you’re living in battle mode. That’s not to say that you should give in to every habit you’ve formed or act on every desire and impulse that arises. Peace is not submission. Peace is acknowledgement, dialogue, and a willingness to be transformed.”

5 Easy Ways You Can Create World Peace “The stream of violent stories coming from your daily news feed is enough to make you want to bury your head under your pillow. Wake me up when it’s over! But why should the noise from some misguided souls get to determine your worldview? The time has come for the rest of us—who are committed to creating a peaceful world—to make some noise. The message of non-violence can be lived and demonstrated through our presence and actions. It’s easy for the mind to get fixated on negative news; but in reality acts of love, kindness and generosity far exceed acts borne of misunderstanding and distrust.”

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We wrote in this week’s blog about how to avoid disturbances in your relationship field. Here are some great articles about the role of commitment in your relationship.

Commitment in healthy relationships “Commitment to the relationship is related to the quality of the relationship. It makes sense that people who commit themselves to a relationship are more likely to find rewards than those who invest sporadically or half-heartedly. This article reviews the various dimensions of commitment in intimate relationships, including commitment as an attraction, commitment as moral obligation, and commitment as constraint. Because commitment has multiple dimensions, it functions differently in different relationships. Strategies for cultivating commitment are presented.”

Commitment: The Path to Relationship Happiness “I recently realized that in more than 30 years as a counselor, therapist, and coach, I have never been able to help anyone who wasn’t committed to what they wanted. Having a strong rescuer/hero complex, for many years I tried for a 100% success rate helping couples save their marriages, individuals find happiness, business owners achieve success, and so on, taking personal responsibility for the outcome. Whenever the desired results didn’t happen, I blamed my skills and methods and sought more training and techniques, and never achieved more than a 50% success rate. I felt relieved when I discovered that other helping professionals did no better. Thinking of all the people I tried to help, the biggest difference between those that succeeded and those that didn’t, appeared to be- Commitment.”

Staying Together – How to Create a Healthy Committed Relationship “When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes community and family support (which isn’t as available as it once was in our society) – and it takes skill. Many of us have failed to learn how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection.”

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By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationship differences, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with , , ,

We wrote in this week’s blog about avoiding fear and attachment in your relationship conflicts. Here are some articles and a video about unearthing the reasons behind your conflicts.

How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship “Of course it helps to be entering a relationship with a strong feeling of self-love. But I also think that if you are in a partnership where self-love is lacking, and the space between you is needy, irritating, and harmful, things can be turned around. Learning self-love is an ongoing process. It’s not a switch you can just flick on. Even couples who have a healthy amount of self-love could have more.”

Don’t Overcome Fear: What to Do Instead This is a video from Dr. Gail Brenner about which she says “Do you feel stuck in fear? Are you trying to overcome it? Turning toward the fear with curiosity is the beginning of building a friendly relationship with it. When you stop fighting fear, it begins to lose its power over you. And here you are…peaceful…at ease in your life…”

Don’t Let Fear Destroy Your Relationship “Why do we fight with our partners? I’m not referring to small arguments that resolve reasonably quickly with a compromise. I am talking about fights that blow like a hurricane into a peaceful day and leave us broken, exhausted, and confused as we wonder, what just happened? These consuming and crazy-making fights are generally fueled by unspoken and unnamed fears. Because most of us do not like feeling scared, we have spent years developing strategies to try to control our fear by squashing it or avoiding it. The problem is, fear does not like being forced out of town. It may ride away for a while, but it will come back, with its posse, armed and ready to force us to hear it and take it seriously.”

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Maude wrote in this week’s blog about her challenges of accepting Phil’s approach to illness. Here are some articles about acceptance in relationships.

Acknowledging and Accepting Your Mate “What sets the affirming couple apart from others? After all, most couples begin their relationship with a variety of shared, positive experiences based on their mutual attraction and emerging love. One difference, however, is that affirming couples — that is, those in which the partners extend unconditional respect and consideration to one another — have often witnessed other affirming relationships while growing up. Their expectations and practical skills support their ability to acknowledge and accept their partner, which may not be the case in relationships that deteriorate over time”

Understand and accept differences in your relationship “Things just are, until you make something out of it. Life is the way it is. The world is the way it is.. Your partner is the way he/she is. This is so, until the moment you make something out of it. Be aware that in that process of creation your judgment and prejudice slips in.”

Accepting Differences in Marriage “The old saying, ‘opposites attract’ is often true. The difficulty is once they marry they drive each other crazy. Our opposites tend to fascinate us because they add variety to life and pull us from our comfortable rut of familiarity. Accepting differences is difficult. Opposites stretch us beyond ourselves, forcing us to broaden our horizons. They add depth and provide opportunities for growth. It’s from them that we learn our most difficult lessons. They expose us to thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are foreign to us. They balance our lopsidedness and make us more complete.”

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