Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.


 

Here are some articles on work in relationships, and whether it is necessary.

Ben Affleck And The Experts Are Wrong: Marriage Is Not Hard Work “But contrary to what everyone seems to think — experts in the field, friends, therapists — even Mr. Affleck — I don’t believe marriage has to be work. I know this because I have been married 31 years, and I don’t consider my marriage work at all. And neither does my husband. ”

Do Relationships Really Need To Be A Lot Of Work? “‘Relationships are a lot of work.’ This is a popular belief that holds some truth: Relationships can be a lot of work, especially when they’re in transition…. Does a relationship need to be a lot of work? Unless you’re the type who likes to work on yourself and your relationship all the time, I say no.”

Relationships Take Work (But Not In the Way You Think) “What I’ve come to realize is that “work” isn’t quite the right term for what it takes to maintain a lasting, long-term relationship. At least, not this negative image of work I’ve envisioned in my head.”

 

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Here are some articles on commitment. We think that you’ll enjoy them and find some useful ideas.

What do we mean by commitment? “The difficulty is that we’re making promises about behaviors and outcomes, but ignoring the process necessary to achieve that goal.”

What Does Commitment Really Mean To You? “Commitments are made outside of time. The question is not so much about whether or not we stay together, no matter what, but about the kind of relationship we are both agreeing to create together.”

Commitment in healthy relationships This is a more academic view of commitment in relationsips. “Commitment may be considered a relationship skill because the abilities necessary to make and keep commitments must be learned, practiced, and refined just like those for effective couple communication (see Wiley 2007 in this issue) or any other relationship skill.”

Committed Relationship – What Does That Really Mean? “Commitment is what you and your significant other have mutually decided it is. And more importantly, it’s supporting and respecting that vision for each other.”

Our approach to this issue is sufficiently unusual that it was difficult to find any links that directly address the topic. However, here are three articles that do talk to sustaining joy within your relationship.

Finding the Deepest Joy in Relationships “As we become more inwardly free from our conditioning and our fears, the love and connection that are possible in relationships tend to flow through us more naturally.”

Finding Real Joy in Relationships “Positive psychology is a relatively new branch within science; rather than studying dysfunction and treating illness, researchers in this area focus on investigating and promoting mental health.”

3 Keys to Keeping the Joy in Your Relationship “By making adjustments in our focus, filters and priorities we can literally transform what we bring into a meaningful relationship and what we receive from it.”

Here are some articles on power struggles in relationships and how to avoid or move past them. We may not agree with everything here, but some of the advice is excellent.

“Widen the Lens” to Avoid Power Struggles “In reality, power struggles are created not by differences of opinions, but how we view those differences. By considering a different perspective, we can unlock the power struggle and other options seem to appear as if by magic.”

Understanding Power Struggles In Relationships “when in conversation with another person, especially those within a long-term relationship, people in a very real way join minds. Such a joining explains why people in relationships can ‘finish each others’ sentences,’ or ‘think’ to telephone each other at precisely the same time.”

Diffusing Power Struggles in Marriage “Power struggles are like intentionally hurting your mate. Power struggles are a way of saying: ‘I insist on you agreeing with me. I insist that my point of view is right. I know the correct way to do things, and you must do them my way.'”

Power struggles: Why being right can make everything wrong “To discontinue engaging in a power struggle, you need to move away from the adversarial energy of competition and control (me vs. you, I’m the boss and you’re not, I’m better/smarter than you are) to one of cooperation and camaraderie (We are a team. We can work this out. I cherish you.).”

 

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Here are some writings on little white lies. There are lots of different view on this issue. What do you think? Leave a comment.

White Lies: This cover the types of white lies, the reasons for them, their impact, and how to detect white lies.
10 Ways Little White Lies are Slowly Ruining Your Life: Why little white lies are not that white and not that little.
The truth about little white lies: Why they’re actually more dangerous than you think: Research shows that “all forms of lying—including white lies meant to spare the feelings of others—are associated with poorer-quality relationships.”
Why Those Little White Lies Do More Damage Than You Think: One thing we deceive ourselves about is that we’re lying to protect others’ feelings. That’s not usually true. We often lie because we want another person to love us.