Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we discussed how to reach unity when there appear to be two sides. The following articles discuss some of the myriad aspects connected with this issue.

Bridging America’s divides requires a willingness to work together without becoming friends first “Amid two crises – the pandemic and the national reckoning sparked by the killing of George Floyd – there have been anguished calls for Americans to come together across lines of race and partisanship. Change would come, a USA Today contributor wrote, only “when we become sensitized to the distress of our neighbors.” Empathy born of intimacy was the prepandemic solution to the nation’s fractured political landscape. If Americans could simply get to know one another, to share stories and appreciate each other’s struggles, civic leaders argued, we would develop a sense of understanding and empathy that would extend beyond the single encounter. But after studying how Americans cooperate, both in moments of political upheaval and in ordinary times, I am convinced that tackling America’s political divide demands more than intimacy – and less than it.”

How cognitive bias can explain post-truth “Here, “post” is meant to indicate not so much the idea that we are “past” truth in a temporal sense (as in “postwar”) but in the sense that truth has been eclipsed by less important matters like ideology. One of the deepest roots of post-truth has been with us the longest, for it has been wired into our brains over the history of human evolution: cognitive bias. Psychologists for decades have been performing experiments that show that we are not quite as rational as we think.”

10 Tips for Talking to People You Can’t Agree With “This holiday season, you could easily find yourself in situations where someone raises politically divisive topics. The holidays are likely to bring you in contact with relatives and in-laws who may have different views, creating uncomfortable feelings, awkward silences, or outright confrontations. Fortunately, there are ways to cope with the interpersonal strains, thanks to new insights on the difference between diversity and disagreement.”

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In our blog this week, we discussed why equality is so important in a relationship. Here are some aspects about this from other people.

How to Know If You Are In a Healthy Relationship “Strong relationships are marked by natural reciprocity. It isn’t about keeping score or feeling that you owe the other person. You do things for one another because you genuinely want to. This doesn’t mean that the give-and-take in a relationship is always 100% equal. At times, one partner may need more help and support. In other cases, one partner may simply prefer to take more of a caregiver role. Such imbalances are fine as long as each person is ok with the dynamic and both partners are getting the support that they need.”

How To Avoid The Parent-Child Relationship Dynamic With Your Spouse “When you have an adult relationship, you probably expect to relate to each other as equals. However, when one partner takes on the majority of the responsibility, a parent-child relationship dynamic can develop. If this dynamic continues, it can decrease your relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being. Understanding the parent-child relationship dynamic can help you break the pattern and establish a more equal partnership.”

Is Your Relationship Fair? “In real life, do both partners really care about fairness? We all probably all know at least one long-suffering martyr who has been persuaded to feel obligated to some ungrateful mate. Not to mention, the media often portrays dating couples and relationship partners more like predator vs. prey than as complementary collaborators. So, what’s the truth here? Are people fair or selfish in their romantic relationships? Does it really matter? And if it does, what can we do about it?”

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In our latest blog, we wrote about the traumatic events of this week and how to respond to them by choosing love over fear. Here are several articles about that as well as links to several worthy organizations working toward peaceful resolution.

Healing the political divide “With votes now tallied, and in some cases, electoral outcomes having been determined by extremely narrow margins and marked by legal challenges, there is no doubt that the political divide in the United States is a central trait of the country. And as this divide seems likely to continue to grow, for many of us it feels uncrossable. Yet psychological science suggests that it is both possible and imperative for members of our society to find common ground.”

Jack Kornfield on Sitting in Love Rather Than Fear “A dialogue on fear and love between Jack Kornfield and Catherine Ingram.
Jack Kornfield: …In the Buddhist teaching, one of the phrases for the sense of separateness, the illusion of separateness that we’re separate from the world is called “The body of fear” – the more separate we feel the more we fear the world because we feel that we’re somehow apart from it. And so to deal with fear is really deep and persistent – in some way love and fear are the opposite sides of the same coin. Love is that which expands beyond fear in some fashion.”

Building a House United “do our politics have to be demonizing? Does it have to bring out the worst in us? Do our politics have to destroy the goodwill of our society? Is the dehumanizing of our fellow Americans something we should accept? We do not accept this. At Braver Angels we do not accept this division. We reject the normalizing of this extreme polarization. We say no to the break down of political and social life that it brings. ”

What could you do in a violence-free society? “My Peace, Our Future brings together people from across the world to share their personal visions of peace — and what they dream of doing in a more just and equitable world, free from violent conflict. Leaders can help set the tone for this world transformed. It’s a choice that they often need to be reminded of, and that’s what this campaign is all about.”

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In this, the first blog of the new year, we each wrote about the importance of honesty in our relationship. Here are some other people writing about why this is so critical.

Why Honesty In Relationships Is Non-Negotiable & 7 Rules To Follow “Honesty is one of those things we intuitively know is a good thing, but we can really stumble a lot in trying to actually put it into practice. But when it comes to our relationships, having open and honest communication is necessary to creating a healthy, sustainable partnership. … Honesty is the quality of always speaking the truth and being totally authentic, straightforward, and transparent in our words and actions. It involves a few key practices: never lying, never hiding the truth, and never purposefully omitting or misdirecting people from the truth.”

5 Ways to Build Trust and Honesty in Your Relationship “Most of us agree that trust is an essential foundation on which to build a relationship. Despite the great things we say about being honest—that it’s “the best policy” or that “the truth shall set us free”—research tells us that we aren’t so great at it. According to studies by Bella DePaulo, people lie in one in five of their interactions. These lies aren’t only to strangers or peripheral figures—couples regularly deceive each other. DePaulo’s research showed that dating couples lie to each other about a third of the time, while married couples do so in about 1 in 10 interactions.”

7 reasons why honesty is important in relationships “Honesty is essential in healthy relationships. It has the power to build, empower and grow relationships. I will be sharing with you, what I believe are 7 reasons why honesty is important in relationships.”

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This week, we wrote about hopes for the new year and how important it is to have a positive attitude. Here are some inspiring writings to uplift you.

Why There’s Hope In 2021 “We’re finally about to leave this dreadful 2020 behind! This year was stacked with natural and man-made disasters, economic and mental collapse, bleeding healthcare and the untimely and unnecessary deaths of hundreds of thousands. No wonder we are all waiting for the year to end and find some peace of mind that it will all be over soon – and that 2021 will be better. And hope, indeed, is what we have.”

Column: Tonight is the night of new hope for the world “For every family that wishes it could be together as it was last year, in those pre-virus times, when you’d be able to hug and kiss each other and laugh without reservation. For all the elderly in nursing homes who’ve been isolated and ache to touch and hug their children. Don’t worry. You all will be together again with those you love. Because tonight is the night of new hope for the world.”

The Science of Success: Why Positive Thinking Matters “research has shown that positive emotions can help improve your work, your health, and your life, and they play a bigger role in helping you and your clients achieve success than you might think.”

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