Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week we wrote that a relationship commitment should be one of intention and choice, not duty and obligation. Here are some writers on how to put intention foremost in your life.

Make this “Your Year!” An Intention Setting Guide for Couples and Individuals “A goal is measurable, it places value, either you achieve your goal or you fail (that seems harsh)! It is often born in the rational, 3-D mind, is black or white and can be non-forgiving. Intentions come from within, your deepest desires, the song in your heart and the energy of your soul coming together to create an intention. Intentions are compassionate, forgiving, ever growing, and evolving.”

Collaborative Influence “Collaborative Intention: Maintaining a non-defensive presence and making a conscious personal commitment to seeking mutual gains in your relationships. We call this being in the Green Zone, as opposed to being in the Red Zone which is a more adversarial attitude that we can slip into unconsciously. People in the Green Zone consciously seek solutions rather than blame. They think both short-term and long-term. They are interested in other points of view and welcome feedback. The key is remaining conscious of building mutual success. People in the Red Zone respond defensively, which triggers defensiveness in others.”

How to Shift From Expectations to Intentions “Shift the way you view the future, and the world around you will shift, too. Setting intentions for your day, your relationship, and your life could be one of the most beneficial things you do to steer yourself in a positive direction. But not all intentions are made equal. If you feel downtrodden, frustrated, or downright disappointed, chances are you have set an expectation—the sneaky cousin of the intention, that is far less forgiving, accommodating, and beneficial to a life well-lived.”

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By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

In our blog this week, we wrote about how to work through disagreements to reach a mutual solution. Here are some ideas from a variety of perspectives on this.

How to Reach a Mutual Solution in Your Relationship “…when we have a disagreement or we need to make a decision, we find that we can reach a solution without ever having to see each other as being on opposite sides…. We looked into how we were able to do this and identified different aspects which together make up what we call Our Process. You too can apply this in your relationship, and the more you do it, the easier and the more enjoyable it will become.”

How To Disagree Without Fighting With Your Partner “Disagreements in relationships are inevitable in even the happiest partnerships, but fighting doesn’t need to be. Disagreeing in a healthy manner takes conscientious effort, but it’s admittedly a lot less work than dealing with the fallout of a bad fight. Whether it’s disagreeing about something big or small, use these tips to avoid getting caught up in the moment and move through conflicts gracefully and respectfully. ”

How to Argue Respectfully with Your Spouse “So I tried different approaches and found that instead of closing his ears, he opened them. I learned I could disagree without fighting with him. Here are 4 tips (summed up in one word) that anyone can use to learn how to argue respectfully with your spouse. Think T.A.L.K.”

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This week we wrote that wants and needs are worldly, while values form the basis for how you interact with the world. Here are some people writing about the importance of core values in your life.

11 Core Relationship Values Every Couple Must Have “When we talk about core values, we are referring to the fundamental beliefs that build your identity. They guide our behavior giving us a compass of what is adequate and desirable as opposed to wrong and unacceptable. When we don’t act in accordance with our core beliefs, we feel we are betraying the essence of who we are.”

The key for a successful relationship: Aligned values “Aligned values are one the most important things in any relationship. Whether it is with your life partner or business partner, aligned or misaligned values will define the success or failure of a relationship from day one. I like to visualise this as a pyramid, where at the very top you have your values, and below that, you have your life vision, then your objectives, and then at the bottom, your interests.”

How to Live Your Core Values “When we think of how our lives are measured, we recall the experiences that felt meaningful to us: a graduation, a birth, a celebration, an achievement. But these experiences alone do not define your core values, says career coach Tara Mohr. It’s the qualities underneath those peak moments that define us.”

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By Posted on Posted in Love, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

This week, we wrote about why it is important to listen to both your head and your heart. Here are some interesting posts on how people decide on which to follow.

Resolving the Head vs. Heart Dilemma “My thoughts say one thing, and my feelings say another. It’s a real conundrum. We might decide one way, change our mind, and even change it back again. We might put off making a decision, or make no decision at all, sometimes losing out on an opportunity. Or, we might make a quick decision to get it over with, but later regret it. When we believe our head and heart are in conflict, the decision-making process becomes uncomfortable and frustrating, and this – as you are about to learn – only compounds the problem.”

Should You Follow Your Heart or Your Head? “Friends and family will likely tell you to “listen to your heart,” as it “knows what’s best for you.” … But is that really good advice? Think back on the times when you did follow your heart. How did it work out? Maybe there were occasions when you threw caution to the wind and let your emotions take the wheel, and all went well. But it’s likely there are at least as many times when your decision delivered the opposite outcome. Unfortunately, we tend to be bad statisticians when it comes to taking stock of our own prior experiences.”

Are You a Head Person or a Heart Person? “Imagine meeting a stranger and having a chance to learn what sort of person they are by asking just one question. You might try the obvious: “Are you an introvert or an extrovert?” Or you could probe their political leanings: “Are you Republican or Democrat?” In each case, you’d hope the answer would tell you a fair bit about the person’s psychology. Here’s a question you probably wouldn’t think of, but which new research suggests could be surprisingly informative: “Do you think your ‘self’ is located in your heart or in your brain?”

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships Tagged with , ,

This week in our blog, we discussed how important it is to see the other’s viewpoint in your relationship. Here are some articles written about different aspects of this topic.

Learning to See Things From Your Partner’s Point of View “What we really want is to be truly understood. And to be really seen by the person we care about. To find someone who can read our minds and meet our needs. To find true love and intimacy that lasts a lifetime…. But despite our deep longing to be connected with the one we choose to be with, Happy Ever After rarely happens. Most often, when one partner is angry, the other person becomes angry back or shuts down. During conflict, the two partners disconnect from each other. The relationship suffers as people become disillusioned with their partner.”

The Importance of Taking the Perspective of Others “In order to resolve conflict constructively, so that all parties are satisfied with the outcome, a person must be able to hold all the opposing ideas, positions, and perspectives in mind at the same time and still function effectively. Successful problem-solving and conflict resolution largely depends on a person’s ability to take the opponent’s cognitive and affective perspectives and understand how the conflict appears to the other person and how that person is reacting emotionally and attitudinally.”

Embracing the Perspective of Your Wife, Husband or Romantic Partner “Learning to understand and appreciate your wife, husband, or romantic partner’s perspective is an essential skill. Your mutual happiness depends on seeing and feeling what life is like from the perspective of your mate. Couples that fail to empathetically embrace their mate’s perspective, his or her way of perceiving the world, remain unhappy.”

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