Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about honesty in your relationship, and we’ve found some great articles on this topic.

Love and honesty: what we hide and why we lie “I want to talk about honesty and dishonesty and how it comes into play in relationships…. This is about emotional honesty – the habits and ways of being that seem small, but actually create who you are and how you form bonds with others. Because the simple act of being honest can change your life in awesome earth-shattering ways. What I’m talking about is kind of like emotional lying – it’s subtler and therefore insidious in how it hurts your life – and it’s tied a struggle with acceptance. What I hope to offer is insight into why either you are “shielding” others from the truth or why others are doing this to you. I’d also like to sell you on the amazing and powerful benefits of being honest and letting go of control. Because that practice has amazing benefits in your life. Without further ado – three parts: what why and how!”

Do You Have an Honest Relationship? “For all the great things we say about being honest – that it’s the best policy or that the truth shall set us free – research tells us that we aren’t all that great at it. According to studies by Dr. Bella DePaulo, people lie in one in five of their interactions. These lies aren’t only to strangers or peripheral figures in our lives. Couples deceive each other all the time. DePaulo’s research showed that dating couples lie to each other about a third of the time, while married couples do so in about one in 10 interactions. While people seem to tell fewer of the “little” or “everyday” lies to loved ones, 64 percent of serious lies (“deep betrayals of trust”) involve people’s closest relationship partners.”

What Do We Mean By Honesty in a Relationship? “I have worked with many individuals who come into therapy because they are unhappy in their relationship. They share with me what makes them unhappy about their loved one, meaning what that person does or doesn’t bring to the relationship. When I ask the question, “Does your partner know how you feel?” the answer is almost always, “No.” There are many reasons they haven’t shared how they feel. Some don’t want to hurt their partner, while others worry about the reaction they will receive. Some express, “What’s the point? It won’t make a difference anyway.” However, sharing your true feelings is an important aspect of honesty in a relationship and deserves your attention.”

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In this week’s blog, we asked how do differences in your relationship strengthen it? Here are some other articles covering aspects of that.

Relationship advice: five experts reveal the secrets to long-term love “One of the more ridiculous myths about “true love” is the idea of the soulmate – that there is someone out there who is your perfect match. A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you – over politics, food, money, how to raise children. It’s those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world. Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be.”

10 Ways Overcome Conflicts in Relationships and Grow Together “About six months into a serious relationship with my boyfriend, we started experiencing major conflict. Fighting over small things, flipping out over misunderstandings, we just couldn’t seem to get on the same page about anything. This caused me to think about relationship conflict in general, what causes it, and how to deal with it.”

Relationships and how to manage them well “Human relationships are infinitely complex and problems can manifest from many different sources. It can be helpful to take time to explore and unpick the mixture of these influences.”

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In this week’s blog, we write about the fundamental requirement for finding mutual decisions and solving problems in relationships. These links are about how couples can deal with relationship problems.

Equal Partnerships: What Do They Really Consist Of? “When you see some couples that seem happier, more balanced and equitable than others, do you ever wonder: What do they know that I don’t? Is it chemistry, destiny, or luck that creates such stability between them?”

14 Ways to Resolve Conflicts and Solve Relationship Problems “When problem-solving everyday issues becomes a tug-of-war over who’s right and who’s wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. “A better alternative is what I call the win-win waltz,” says marriage expert Susan Heitler, Ph.D., author of The Power of Two. “We toss information back and forth, we have an ‘aha!’ moment, and we come up with solutions that work very well for both of us.””

The Art of Solving Relationship Problems “Unsettled problems are a major source of stress, stress that can not only undermine your relationship, but your diabetes management as well. Research has shown that successful relationships are not those that necessarily have fewer problems, but those that have found effective means of solving the problems that come up. Here is a 6-step process for tackling and solving those problems in your relationships.”

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In this week’s blog, we write about what peace in a relationship is like; here are some other peoples’ thoughts on this subject.

5 Top Tips to Enhance Relationships and Find Inner Peace “We all have challenges in our relationships at some time or other. If you are having relationship problems, you wouldn’t be having them if you weren’t having them with yourself. It all starts with you, being at peace with yourself! You cannot expect to have peace with others, never mind even thinking of having a healthy relationship when you have turmoil inside of you.”

Peace Love and Happiness: Finding Inner Peace and Accepting Love = Happiness “Does everyone really have a soul mate? It seems that everyone is searching for that one special person that will make their life complete. Then we’ll truly find happiness right? Hollywood has made it hard for people to live up to the expectations of the fairytale relationship. I’m not a pessimist, just a realist. Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful life and a beautiful wife whom I have an amazing relationship with. And by all accounts, I have never been happier. But it had more to do with me than her or “us.””

Happiness in Relationships “Happiness in relationships thrives when it involves people that already feel whole, secure and happy. These people do not depend on a relationship to give them anything. All of their relationships then reflect the wholeness of what they are. Is this your experience or are you demanding that relationships give you something they cannot?”

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In this week’s blog we asked if you were too snippy in your relationship. Snippiness is not a common topic, so some of these discuss contempt.

Relationship Communication: How to Talk So That Your Partner Will Listen “The guidelines for being a good listener are not just for men. These guidelines for listening and communication apply to both men and women, straight and gay, and for friendships as well. Good communication and good listening are also part of negotiating in business, as well. And, of course, rationality and problem-solving are also important.”

My boyfriend gets this impatient tone “Dear Cary, I really don’t want to say it out loud, but is kind of a stay-or-go issue. It’s about the way my boyfriend talks to me. A few times a day he gets this impatient tone in his voice that I find disrespectful and offensive. We have been together four years, and this has bothered me from the beginning. I tend to be a very sensitive person, especially in relationships, and when he has this tone, I can feel myself turning into myself and closing up.”

Overcoming Hostility, Criticism and Contempt in Your Relationships This article gives a large number of examples of people expressing contempt and hostility, and gives solutions to handle this behavior.

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