Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog we looked at how to find a relationship when you’re older. The writers have a wide view of what “older dating” means, but the advice applies at any age.

He Asked 1500+ Elders For Advice On Living And Loving. Here’s What They Told Him “Karl Pillemer has spent the last several years systematically interviewing hundreds of older Americans to collect their lessons for living. He’s … a Ph.D. gerontologist at Cornell University. Some years ago, after turning 50, he wondered whether there is something about getting older that teaches you how to live better. “Could we look at the oldest Americans as experts on how to live our lives?” he asked. “And could we tap that wisdom to help us make the most of our lifetimes?” [He has written] “30 Lessons for Loving,” which features practical wisdom from over 700 older Americans with 25,000 collective years of marriage experience. One couple he profiles was married for 76 years. Another interviewee describes divorcing her husband, then remarrying him 64 years later.”

40 Tips for Finding Love After 40 “We’ve asked a panel of local experts to share their top tips for finding love after the age of 40. Their words of wisdom are designed to help you find the kind of relationship that meets your individual wishes and needs at this exciting point in your life. From professional matchmakers to experienced relationship coaches, we’ve gathered a group of love aficionados who understand what it takes for mature adults to identify what they want and how to achieve it.”

Romance and new relationships in later life “I recently asked some people between the ages of 20 and 45 what they thought about 70-year-old people hugging, touching, having sexual relations, living together. Some laughed, some just smiled. One person responded, “Aren’t people over 65 beyond all that?” Well… No.”

 

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In this week’s blog we looked at the importance of respect in your relationship. Many people think this is even more important than communication. Here are some articles on this topic.

What is Respect in a Healthy Relationship? “People have a lot of different ideas about what the word “respect” means. Sometimes, it is used to mean admiration for someone important or inspirational to us. Other times, respect refers to deference towards a figure of authority, like a parent, relative, teacher, boss or even a police officer. In this post, we’re talking about respect in the context of dating. In a healthy relationship, partners are equals, which means that neither partner has “authority” over the other. Each partner is free to live their own life, which can include deciding to share some aspects of their life with their partner. Respect also means that, while we may not always agree with our partner/s, we choose to trust them and put faith in their judgment.”

Relationships and the Importance of Respect “Relationship advice is everywhere and you often hear that the key is communicate – communicate – communicate… You will hear the importance of making clear agreements, having good boundaries and of course the importance of love. Respect however is often mentioned in passing and yet respect is paramount in successful happy relationships, romantic or otherwise.”

Why Is Respect Important In a Relationship? “Love and respect can never be separated in a relationship, especially in a romantic one. It is true that we can respect someone and not really love him, but we can never love anyone without also respecting them.”

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In this week’s blog we asked if there are more successful relationships than you think. It was difficult to find articles directly pertaining to this topic, but here are some interesting ones on what makes successful relationships.

What Research Tells Us About the Most Successful Relationships “While a perfect relationship might be beyond the grasp of science, studies on what makes a relationship successful are everywhere. Over the years, these studies have come up with some trends that help us better understand what sets a long lasting relationship apart from one that ends quickly.”

1,500 People Give All the Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need “I sent out the call the week before my wedding: anyone who has been married for 10+ years and is still happy in their relationship, what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? And if you are divorced, what didn’t work previously?”

The 12 Ties that Bind Long-Term Relationships “The surprising findings of this study, reported in the prestigious journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, showed not only that many people were still in love even after 10 years of marriage, but also which factors predicted the strength of their passion…. A whopping 40 percent of those married 10 years or more stated that they were “Very intensely in love”—the highest rating on the scale.”

 

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This week in our blog we discussed how being all in helps your relationship. Here are some articles discussing this topic.

Are You Fully Present in Your Relationship or Marriage? “You know that feeling you get when you’re talking to your partner or spouse and they don’t seem to be “there there?” By that, I mean, a part of them is somewhere else, and it’s not with you. You might wonder where their mind is, or feel insulted or hurt that they’re not being fully present in your company.”

Are You Being Fully Present In Your Relationship? “Being fully present in a relationship – how hard is that? Is it too much of an ask for a generation that boasts of being busy, being multi-taskers and virtually connected all the time? We take pride in “being busy” so much so that being busy has become a confirmation of our worthiness. A relationship sometime gets lost in our long “to-do” list.”

In The Moment: Staying Present in Your Relationship “IMAGINE AN ELDERLY COUPLE, hand in hand, strolling through your local farmer’s market. The sweetness, the gentleness, the blissfulness inevitably prompt thoughts of, I want that someday. An eagerness to dream about a relationship’s future— or similarly, to dwell in its past— steers us from enjoying the moment. The kind of timeless moment you witnessed the elderly couple having as they strolled through the market.”

 

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This week in our blog we discussed how little changes can have big results. Here are some interesting discussions of the effect of little changes in your relationship.

9 New Ways to Deepen Your Relationship Bond “If you’re in a happy partnership, married or not, you can keep it that way or make it even better by introducing a few new behaviors and small changes into the relationship. While many relationship experts say you need to focus on fixing what’s wrong, my research shows that adding positive behaviors to the relationship has a much greater impact on couples’ happiness.”

Small Changes Make Big Differences “in all the research I’ve done over the years, it is clear that having a great marriage or healing a broken one is usually dependent on the little things, not the big ones! And hundreds of marriage therapists have confirmed this. Most marriage breakdowns are not caused by what you might call the deep, systemic big-ticket problems—for example, by one spouse being a blackout alcoholic or having been sexually abused as a child. Those problems do happen and it is tragic when they do, but they aren’t the majority of cases.”

13 Small Changes that Greatly Improve Your Relationship “Change is not an easy thing to make in a relationship, especially if you’ve been together long-term. It’s not uncommon for couples to sink so deeply into habits and routines that they forget to put effort into their relationship, or they simply can’t tell the difference between what works and what doesn’t anymore…. Well, the good news is that you can change everything about your current situation and empower your relationship. It doesn’t even take massive effort on your part. All you need to do is to implement the tiniest of changes in your routine. and you’ll be shocked at how much of a positive impact it’ll have on your relationship and your life.”