Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about why worrying about someone else does not help them. Here are some articles that tell you why.

Why Worrying Isn’t a Sign of Love “For my friend and millions of people like her, worry is a sign of love. It says that, even though I am okay, I am selfless enough to suffer vicariously for you. And isn’t that the definition of love? Wouldn’t it be uncaring not to feel terrible for others, given what some people have to deal with? At the risk of giving worriers everywhere nothing to do, the answer is no.”

Worry and Guilt: The Useless Emotions “Worry and guilt are opposite sides of a wooden nickel—two useless emotions facing different directions. Worry looks ahead, seeing threat and disaster at every turn. Guilt looks behind, imposing self-blame for perceived misfortunes and disappointments.”

Worrying Vs. Caring: Do You Know The Difference? “Most people would say that worrying is pointless and a waste of time and energy. I submit to you that it is actually harmful. Here’s why: Worry is fear-based. It is a projection of negative energy. Caring, on the other hand, is a projection of positive energy. When you care about situations or people, you’re hopeful that things will get better. When you worry about them, you’re afraid they won’t.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about how to be present in your life and relationship. Here are some interesting perspectives on presence.

Freedom Is Being Present “We live two lives: we live life in our thoughts and we live life as our experience of the present moment. Freedom comes as our life in thoughts diminishes and our experience of the present moment predominates. Freedom comes through learning how to balance thoughts and the present moment. We developed the ability to think abstractly only about 70,000 – 95,000 years ago. Apparently the part of life we live ‘in our head’ today simply did not exist before that time, and instead human life was solely a series of immediate experiences, like the lives of other creatures.”

Mindfulness in relationships “For many of us our ideas of love and relationships are formed from a young age, what we observe in our environment; namely our parents or guardians, to when we mature and begin to read novels and catch a glimpse of The Notebook. We see people around us talk about their feelings, emotions, hope and dreams and we start to dream that maybe some day we too might experience something similar. Our ideas mix with our delusions and get stirred by our beliefs to concoct a recipe of an ideal relationship with an ideal partner. An idea many of us again, rarely shake.”

How Mindfulness Can Save Your Relationship “Mindfulness practice doesn’t just enhance our individual well-being. In fact, it’s now being shown to have a positive impact on interpersonal relationships. A 2004 University of North Carolina study of ‘relative happy, nondistressed couples’ showed that couples who practiced mindfulness saw improvements to their ‘relationship happiness.’ In addition, they experienced healthier levels of ‘relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress.'”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about how to find strength from your relationship. Here is a wonderful article from our dear friend Gail Brenner and a couple more articles with great advice on relationships.

10 Ways to Have Peaceful, Loving Relationships “I’ve made a million and one mistakes in relationships. I’ve expected too much. Or not asked for what I needed in fear of rocking the boat. I’ve been competitive. I’ve been suspicious. I’ve been dependent. I’d like to think what redeems me from all these mistakes is that I’ve also been honest. Being self aware, in my opinion, is far more valuable than being perfect—mostly because the former is attainable and helpful, while the latter is neither.”

The Secret to Peaceful Relationships “The dictionary defines an expectation as “the act of regarding as likely to happen” and “anticipating the occurrence or the coming of.” An expectation is essentially an imagining about the future, a theoretical pseudo-reality that is created by thoughts in the mind. It is a thought that, when taken as real and true, leads us to assume that a given occurrence will happen. When seen for what it really is, it is merely a thought that has nothing to do with what may or may not happen. I may expect my friend to attend the concert, but this expectation is irrelevant to what she actually does. And believing that she “should” attend the concert when she decides not to only sets me up for an unpleasant emotional reaction.”

13 Steps to Better Relationships…And Peace of Mind “Sometimes you need to know that you have good people at your back when things go awry in your life. Good relationships can bring peace of mind, not to mention longer life, companionship, health, happiness, and a host of other benefits. At bottom, we are social creatures who need each other. Even meditating monks do it—congregate in communities, that is.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about Thanksgiving and spreading peace in the world. Here, besides an outside article, we include a couple of past blogs of ours that we think are appropriate complements to the season.

The Only Way That Works: The Golden Rule “We are all connected and part of one human family, will always win out over fear and prejudice and attempts to separate us. Remember in the darkness this shining light of truth. Growth and change are slow but steady, and this great truth will prevail. Love one another is the whole of the law! We want to share with you today some versions of the golden rule as taught by the world’s major religions:”

7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude “‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself,’ we are often told. And while it can be hard to avoid self-pity entirely, mentally strong people choose to exchange self-pity for gratitude. Whether you choose to write a few sentences in a gratitude journal, or simply take a moment to silently acknowledge all that you have, giving thanks can transform your life. Here are 7 scientifically proven benefits:”

Gratefulness Expands Your Relationship and Your World “We are so grateful for our blessed relationship and the peace and grace we experience. We are so grateful for the wonderful community of loving friends and strangers who care about each other, take care of each other, and want the best for each other!”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about how to balance individuality and your relationship. Here are some other writes discussing how to be in a relationship without losing your sense of self.

Relationship Success: Balancing Togetherness and Individuality “A client of mine — during our initial consultation — said the following: ‘Here’s my issue. When I’m in a relationship, I invest so much of myself into maintaining romance and intimacy that I forget who I am as an individual. How can I balance my personal identity with my identity as a couple?'”

7 Reasons Why Independence Is The Best Way To Help Your Relationship “The most successful relationships occur when two people form a bond that allows them to grow independently by each other’s side, finding new passions and dreams while admiring and encouraging each other’s individual pursuits. Here’s why.”

Staying Compatible by Staying Yourself “What makes being in a relationship tricky is that it provides the opportunity for two completely different experiences. On the one hand, it is an opportunity for two individuals to be supported by each other’s appreciation and love for the person their partner is. Both partners are enhanced by such an association, and flourish and grow as people. On the other hand, people can go into a relationship with a fantasy that the union will assuage their insecurities, hurts and unresolved issues from their past.”

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