Plenty of relationship advice says that conflict in a relationship is inevitable and healthy. We disagree on both counts. It may just be a matter of semantics. If it amounts to a statement that people shouldn’t suppress their feelings, we …
How to Understand that Disagreement Need Not be Conflict Read more →
PHIL: Some writings have seared themselves into my brain. One was Games People Play. It was the first time I had met the idea of unconscious motivations, and also of being direct with people. Another was Be Here Now, the …
Relationship Differences Can Be Valuable and Important Read more →
Maude offered to watch the grand-kids for a week, taking her away from the house except for school hours. The day before she was leaving, we were edgy with each other. Don’t ask what it was about. I think it …
Truth Will Transform the Arguments in Your Relationship Read more →
We were both touched by a letter we received describing a marriage where the writer is criticized over many small things by their spouse. They weren’t seeking advice, just sharing, but it reminded us of a couple we have recently …
This week we are continuing our discussion on the differences between us and how we handle them, differences that have come up as a result of Phil’s recent illness. Handling larger differences is a stage of Our Process. You can …
Avoid Fear and Attachment in Your Relationship Conflicts Read more →
Phil: When we were writing the newsletter last week, Maude complained that I was irritated and impatient. I wasn’t fully conscious of that until she pointed it out. A lot of the technical aspects – for example, photo production – …
Have you ever placed one hand flat on the table and smashed it hard with a hammer? Thought not, and that was because you chose not to. That is the same reason we never argue – because we choose not …
Many people write about conflict in relationships: how it’s bound to happen, how it’s better than letting things stew, how to fight fairly, how you must counterbalance it with good aspects of the relationship. But here’s the thing: we don’t …
It was a year after meeting that we noticed we hadn’t had any arguments, and 10 years on from that, it’s still true. Let us clarify our terms here. We have disagreements – things where we have different points of …
How to Have a Relationship Without Anger and Arguments Read more →
When we tell people we never argue, they don’t call us liars to our face, but there is often a strong whiff of incredulity in the air. It’s not that we agree on everything, but these disagreements don’t descend into …
What Is the Difference Between Disagreeing and Arguing? Read more →