Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Peace, Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

This week, we wrote on what we learned about relationships on a trip we recently took. We centered on flexibility an being present, and here are some post on those topics.

People With Iron-Clad Platonic and Romantic Relationships Share This One Trait “Psychological flexibility (also known as “emotional flexibility” and “mindful flexibility”) refers to being mindful and present when faced with an interpersonal conflict or stressful situation. It encompasses having a tool kit of life skills to help you manage any points of tension that may arise. And, according to licensed marriage and family counselor, Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, psychological flexibility allows you to see things from a bigger and broader perspective, even when relationships become challenging.”

7 Tips for Practicing Presence in Your Relationship “What does presence mean in a relationship, and why does it matter so much? I will sometimes hear a client lament that their partner does not feel “present” in the relationship. This feeling of lack, so acutely felt by one person, can be a complete mystery to their partner. I’ll have someone tell me in session, “My partner says I’m not present in our relationship… I have no idea what they mean.””

The Beginner’s Guide to Being Present “As your physical self moves throughout your day, does your emotional self keep up? Do your thoughts accompany you from task to task, or does your mind drift and wander, making it challenging to pay attention to conversations or recall what you were just doing? Your body can physically inhabit a space when your mind is elsewhere. This tuning out might happen more often when you feel bored, stressed, or otherwise preoccupied. Being present (or living mindfully, whatever you want to call it) simply means you’re focused and engaged in the here and now, not distracted or mentally absent.”

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This week, we said you should choose total acceptance: it’s a radical way to peace and harmony. Here are some other authors who are writing on the benefits of total acceptance.

The 5 Radical Steps I Took To Save My Troubled Relationship “‘Andrea, just love him.’ These were the surprising, profound words a wise friend had for me when I called to consult her after having a particularly bad fight with my boyfriend (now husband), Sanjay. I suddenly realized the mistake I’d been making my entire life. I had been perpetuating the turmoil in our relationship by continuing to focus on Sanjay’s shortcomings and the challenges in our relationship.”

Total Acceptance: The Path of Genuine Transformation “Total Acceptance is such a powerful practice that its regular utilization in everyday life can profoundly and irreversibly transform our individual reality. What is Total Acceptance? It’s a state of the complete openness to any experience. It means to fully embrace all arising impressions, without a slightest inner resistance.”

Radical Acceptance: Definition, Skills, & Exercises “In this article, we will talk about what allows us to keep pain from transforming into suffering and helps us see reality as it is: radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is accepting what is not under your control and embracing what is happening now in a non-judgmental way. When you wholeheartedly and radically accept emotional or physical pain, it can reduce the suffering they cause.”

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This week, we wrote about how acceptance is the best path to a peaceful relationship. We were delighted to find a number of articles describing and expanding on this idea.

Developing Acceptance Skills in a Relationship “Couples seeking counseling services often ask for help with their communication skills. I redirect them to begin developing acceptance skills in relationships. What nurtures and sustains loving intimate relationships is learning to relate through acceptance instead of judgment. The underlying fear that there is not enough ” _______” for me is what drives the judging, shaming, blaming and criticizing in order to try to change the self or the other so that there is more “_______” for me. This approach chases love away instead of enhancing it.”

How to Practice Radical Acceptance and Improve Your Well-being “You know what they say, sometimes you can’t solve certain problems? Don’t worry, you still have options. In fact, you have exactly four options. You can:

  • Solve the problem anyway,
  • Change your perception of it,
  • Radically accept the situation, or
  • Choose to stay miserable.”

5 Things Everyone Should Know About Acceptance “The first person to pose the idea of “acceptance” to me was my first therapist. We were discussing my relationship with my dad (cliché, I know), and she suggested I “accept” that I might never have the relationship with him I desired. I was appalled. ‘Excuse me? You’re my therapist. Aren’t you supposed to have the answers to how I can fix this?’ As I got older, I began to understand why desiring something else—something that was, for the most part, out of my control—was causing me more pain than accepting that, at least for now, this was the way it was going to be.”

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By Posted on Posted in Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

In our blog this week, we asked ChatGPT about peace in relationship, and added our own takes. Here are some other versions of peace in relationships.

Don’t Let Someone Else Take Your Peace of Mind: 4 options for mindfully dealing with others “When someone pushes our buttons, it’s hard not to automatically react. When another person says or does something we don’t like, we might feel angry, upset, or anxious. Our automatic “mindless”reaction to that feeling might be to yell at the person, make a snide comment, or avoid the person altogether. Using mindfulness tools, rather than automatically reacting, we can learn to choose a meaningful response. Since this is very difficult in the moment, the first step in mindfulness is often to simply STOP and take a pause before reacting.”

How to Experience Peace as a Living Reality in Your Relationships An earlier blog of ours
“Peace is sometimes regarded as an absence or a state of inertness, like the peace of the dead, but thinking that way obscures that it is an actual experience like many others. Just as you can be in a state of agitation or worry or panic, you can also be in a state of peace. It’s a sense of not being pulled in any direction, of contentment, of tranquility. It’s very much connected with being present, because when you’re thinking about the future, you’re planning to change something or be somewhere.”

How to Find Your Inner Peace “How do you find your inner peace? Is it by meditating in the Himalayas mountains, going on a vacation in the Caribbean, or promoting world peace? Inner peace does not have a one-size-fits-all definition. There is no standard process or mandatory steps to follow to find your peace of mind. Finding inner peace is more challenging with our busy schedule, hectic lifestyle, and everyday stressors, but it’s completely possible. This article will discuss what inner peace truly means, how important it is, and some ways how to attain it.”

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This week we wrote about adding gratitude to the underlying position of being positive. Here is a video and several articles that look at various aspects of this.

How Practicing Gratitude Can Strengthen Relationships “Gratitude impacts how we relate to others and how we feel about our circumstances. What you choose to focus on is where your focus remains. Concentrating on the negative when things are hard can overwhelm you, and it teaches your brain to hone in on the worst. The alternative is to choose gratitude and find things you can appreciate during all the hard stuff going on in your life.”

Celebrate What’s Right With The World! A TEDx video. “Are you discouraged by what’s happening in the world today? THEN WATCH THIS! In minutes, you’ll rediscover the wonders and possibilities that surround us everyday just waiting to be noticed and celebrated. Find out for yourself why former National Geographic photographer Dewitt Jones is considered by thousands to be one of the most inspiring speakers on the planet.”

7 Major Health Effects of Expressing Gratitude in Relationships “Whatever the situation, appreciation feels good…and, as it turns out, it’s actually good for your health. In fact, expressing or receiving appreciation triggers an actual chemical reaction in the brain. Just like when a mother holds a baby or a loved one gives you a hug, a person who gives or receives a genuine thank you experiences the release of oxytocin.”

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