Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about how it helps to remember you’re on the same side in relationships. To our surprise, we could find no articles discussing this, so are listing some of our earlier posts covering this topic.

Why It Is Important To Remember You Are On The Same Side As Your Partner “We often caution you to remember that you and your partner (the same applies to all intimate relationships) are both on the same side. This understanding and a mutual awareness of it are vital to a peaceful loving relationship. And yet, couples rarely talk about this together, and few realize how this simple statement can lift you out of so many of those unnecessary feelings of separation and distance, even feelings of being threatened or attacked.”

Know You are on the Same Side in Your Relationship “In any relationship, there can be a feeling of being on the same side that is quite delicious. It may be no more than the grizzled assistant at the hardware store helping you decide the best way to construct a raised flower bed. He’s not trying to maximize the sale; he’s working with you to find the best approach. Or maybe it’s you and your partner planning the garden or a trip or the blog you write together. Whatever it is, become attuned to that feeling, because if it vanishes, that’s a warning signal that you may be swerving into the path of a full-blown argument”

Know You Are on the Same Side in Your Relationship (same title as above, but different post) “If we find we are approaching things differently, or not immediately finding our way to understanding each other, we always know this is just a misunderstanding. We know that we will find agreement eventually. We use Our Process to find mutual solutions, but what enables us to do that, and to rest assured that we will find mutuality, is this underlying knowledge that we are on the same side.”

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This week we wrote about the importance of balance in your relationships. It was difficult to find articles discussing the issue as we did, but these three look at it from some interesting viewpoints.

4 Things You Can Do To Build a More Balanced Relationship “I like to sit in the park and watch couples interact. I note who puts a blanket down, who says thank you, who acknowledges the other person before picking up a phone or putting their head into a book. I do this because I’m interested in observing healthy relationships or catching parts of interactions that I like and want to apply to my own relationship.”

How to Create Balance in Your Relationships “today, we want to talk about the importance of balance in your relationships, and how to create and maintain healthy, balanced relationship dynamics. Perhaps you’re trying to navigate a new relationship, support your partner through a hard time, or make more time for yourself and set boundaries. Regardless of if you’re feeling overwhelmed or underwhelmed in one of your relationships, here are some tips to help you feel like you can still be yourself and keep your relationships balanced with the rest of your life.”

Interpersonal Relationships “A number of theories have been formed to understand interpersonal relationships. There is merit to looking at relationships from the perspective of each of these theories. To believe exclusively in one theory and disregard the other theories would limit our understanding of social relationships.”

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This week, we wrote about why it is important to realize the difference between wants, needs and values. There are many differing definitions that people have for wants, needs and values. Here are some writings to the subject.

Valuing Our Needs, Wants and Desires “Sometimes we become so embroiled in what is wrong with us that we forget to appreciate and cherish all that is great. We abandon our own values and value and allow ourselves to be validated by the views of others. Loving ourselves as imperfect people and honouring who we are and what we value is the key to creating and manifesting all that is great within us.”

How to Identify Your Needs and Values “Our core values define what’s most meaningful and essential to us. One of my coaches, mentors, and author, Martha Lasley, believes that when we align our values, our mission and life’s vision becomes more evident and definable. “Values hold the essence of your experience and form the building blocks of your personal foundation.”

Understanding the difference between a Need & a Value “Great relationships are built on interdependence – where the individual maintains their own responsibility for meeting their own needs and working together to create a vision for the future and planning how that vision will come into being by implementing shared values and meeting in the middle when values are in polarity. So understanding what our intrinsic needs are very important – as we must learn to meet them ourselves – freeing up our relationships for greater intimacy, positive communication, mutual understanding, respect and growth.”

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This week, we wrote abut the importance of learning how to truly listen in your relationships. Here are some other writers with their takes on this under-discussed subject.

Deep Listening in Personal Relationships “For the most part, in all relationships there’s one person who speaks and one who listens. But is the listener really listening? Many people think they’re better listeners than studies show they actually are. The goal of deep listening is to acquire information, understand a person or a situation, and experience pleasure. Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others—their words and their messages—without being distracted.”

How Does Listening Affect Relationships “Have you ever talked to another person, and become so distracted by the quivering of their lips? I’m not talking, sad quivering, I’m talking, the quivering where you know they are dying! absolutely dying! to say something the moment you stop talking. Or they actually do, and start by giving you an answer when you weren’t asking a question. We all know that person, people, and at the end of those conversations, walk away feeling unheard and frustrated. Like the big thought bubble is completely empty because truly, there was no exchange of information. You were talking, but no one was really listening, and because no one was really listening, you disengaged. At every stage of development, there is a common thread, we are asked, ‘are you listening,’ told to ‘please listen,’ and demanded, ‘why aren’t you listening to me?’ The golden thread is listening, but no one truly defines what that means, or how to do it.”

How to be a good listener “Really listening to each other can be hard sometimes. Life places so many demands on us, and we always seem to have a million things competing for our attention, including technology, work, hobbies, friends and kids. Interestingly, really listening when we’re speaking with our partner can seem particularly difficult. Emotions run high because we care about them so much, and we tend to only half listen while we
formulate our response in our heads — often in the form of a rebuttal if the topic is difficult.”

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This week, we said be loving today – you can be right tomorrow. These articles look at some of the many facets of this statement.

Why Is It So Important to Be Right? “One of the most prevalent—and damaging—themes in our culture is the need to be right. It’s one of those essential memes that we take for granted. It is so deeply embedded in our belief system and in the collective psyche that we never even pause to consider it. It would really serve us to inquire why it is so compelling. Before we begin to look at that, let’s just reflect on how it impacts our lives.”

How To Let Go Of Your Need To Be Right All The Time “The need to be right can be harmful to personal and professional relationships, but how? People who feel like they are always right tend to not be good listeners. They don’t need to hear anything about what anyone else has to say about the matter because they already know what the answer is – whatever they know it to be. That’s harmful because it may prevent you from seeing and fixing small problems before they become major, and major problems before they become catastrophic.”

Why do we need to be right? “One of the most prevalent phenomena in our collective psyche is the need to be right. Pundits debate their views of climate change and political conflicts on television, we have arguments with friends as to who said what, and we often triumphantly proclaim: ‘I told you so!’”

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