Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

This week, we asked if you want to improve your relationships and said you have to work on yourself first. Many people get caught up in looking at the other person they are relating to, and argue and criticize the differences they find. To move past that and bring harmony and peace to your relationships, it’s important to get to know and feel comfortable with yourself. Here are some other authors on this topic.

How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship “Of course it helps to be entering a relationship with a strong feeling of self-love. But I also think that if you are in a partnership where self-love is lacking, and the space between you is needy, irritating, and harmful, things can be turned around. Learning self-love is an ongoing process. It’s not a switch you can just flick on. Even couples who have a healthy amount of self-love could have more.”

How Self-Awareness Helps Relationships Become Stronger, and Ultimately, Last “When a seasoned divorce attorney and author of a best-selling relationship advice book was asked the key to a healthy relationship, he told an inquiring journalist, “If you want to keep your love alive, you have to be attentive to all the little things that go wrong along the way, and constantly course-correct.” That attentiveness to all the little things that go wrong and ability to course-correct is the product of relational self-awareness.”

7 Simple Ways You Can Become a Better Partner “Romantic relationships are dynamic. They continuously change, reflecting circumstances, stresses, and the everyday ups and downs experienced by both partners. What happens to “me” and to “you” ultimately affects “us.” The healthiest relationships have partners who routinely (if subconsciously) check in with themselves, their partner, and their relationship to see how things are going and to make changes as necessary.”

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week we wrote about why you don’t need to suffer and struggle in your relationships. Here are some writers on how to live a different way.

5 Ways You Know It’s True Love (Love vs. Infatuation) “True love entails being comfortable and completely yourself with another human being – and being accepted for who you are without judgment. It is also important to remember, in this case, that love is a two-way street. Not only do you need to feel loved and accepted completely for who you are, but in order to foster true love in your relationship, you need to provide that same love without judgment to your partner.”

How to Know it’s Real Love ““I can’t live,” wails the singer, “if living is without you.” It sounds so tragically deep to say that losing your lover’s affections would make life unlivable—but have you ever been in a relationship with someone whose survival truly seemed to depend on your love? Someone who sat around waiting for you to make life bearable, who threatened to commit suicide if you ever broke up? Or have you found yourself on the grasping side of the equation, needing your partner the way you need oxygen? The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn’t love; it’s desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner’s needs.”

True Love Means Living In Peace And Stability “True love brings harmony. We can all agree that finding an emotionally mature person is not an easy task. Finding “the one” is never easy. This is a person who will love you unconditionally and will not cheat on you but will instead make you feel secure and confident about everything. But understand something – true love is not for the indecisive. No good relationship can be built out of instability. You have to have stability and genuineness that comes from within to find true love. You cannot lie to yourself and expect that the relationship you have found based on that lie will go anywhere. Relationships get complicated, and finding a perfect balance is often a struggle. But in the end, you have to figure out what you want in your life and what you don’t want in order to build a good relationship.”

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In our post this week, we wrote about how you can choose to have a better relationship. These writers offer some insights into this important subject.

Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Relationship “If you want your partner to change, start by accepting them for who they are. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman says, “People can change only if they feel that they are basically liked and accepted the way they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, and unappreciated they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege and dig in to protect themselves.””

Transform Your Relationship by Assuming the Best Intentions “I used to think he was out to get me. The man of my dreams was continually plotting to undermine my happiness in countless ways, all for some mysterious reason I couldn’t comprehend.”

How to Stop Fighting and Feel Close Again “Every one of us brings a lot to the table that contributes to the degree of conflict we experience with a partner, including our early attachment patterns, psychological defenses, and critical inner voices about ourselves and others. That is why the key to getting along with our partner is rarely as simple as it sounds. However, the good news is we have a lot of power when it comes to making things better.”

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By Posted on Posted in Peace, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with , ,

This week in our blog, we asked how can relationship differences lead to peace, not anger or resentment. Here are a variety of thoughts written on this subject.

How To Accept People’s Differences For A Happy Life “How can we tolerate and accept people’s differences especially during these trying times of COVID-19 and racial injustice? Moreover, during uncertain and stressful times, it seems more difficult to get along with others who are different from ourselves. Even though, everyone is unique and different we all share the basic needs to belong and connect with others.”

Respecting Vs. Accepting Others’ Choices “There is a common idea that we judge others by their choices. But what happens when a loved one makes a choice we don’t agree with? You have your own choices, hopes, and goals for those you love. When they make a choice that doesn’t align with your own choices, it can sometimes feel impossible to accept. You might even have difficulty loving someone in the same way when they make a choice you don’t agree with. When you find you can’t accept a loved one’s choice, focus on respecting it instead. Distinguishing between acceptance and respect helps us to preserve our relationships, even when we disagree.”

Empathy – Accept Others For Who They Are “Acceptance is the ability to see that others have a right to be their own unique persons. That means having a right to their own feelings, thoughts and opinions. When you accept people for who they are, you let go of your desire to change them. You let them feel the way they want to feel, you let them be different and think differently from you. Everyone is different in one way or another. Once you understand this truth, you can stop trying to change them into the people you want them to be and start accepting them for who they are.”

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This week, we discussed why it is important to set an intention for peace in your relationship. Here are some other thoughts about the benefits of living intentionally.

Achieve Emotional Balance Through Living with Intention “Did you know that just by changing the way you think and process the world around you, you can mitigate stress, get more out of your day, and achieve emotional balance? You become whatever you think about all day long; meaning stress is heightened when you think stressful thoughts. If your mind is always focused on feeling stress, you won’t have room for more productive thought processes. If you want to achieve emotional balance, the best place to start is with honest, non-judgemental self-reflection.”

The Intention of Peace “‘Peace’ is one of my favorite words. It has a bit of onomatopoeia to it – you know, a word that sounds likes its meaning, like ‘buzz’ or ‘hiss.’ When I say the word ‘peace’ I become more peaceful. I take a deep breath and exhale on the first sound of the word, and the sibilant at the end takes the rest of my breath. ‘Peace.’ I imagine Jesus doing this with his fearful disciples in the upper room.”

Intention Setting 101 “An intention is a guiding principle for how you want to be, live, and show up in the world — whether at work, in relationships, during your meditation, or in any area of your life. Ask yourself, what matters most to you? Your answer could form a powerful intention, for which you can align your thoughts and attitude for the day ahead.”

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