Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In our blog this week, we wrote about the opportunity for a fresh start as we emerge from the lockdown. Let’s find a way to connect and treasure each other all the time, not just when things go bad! Here are the takes of some other writers on this.

Need a reset? The end of pandemic life can be a fresh start “If there was ever a perfect time to make a life change, this is it. Behavioural scientists have long known that times of disruption and trauma also create new opportunities for growth and change. Disruption happens when life knocks us out of our normal routines. It can be moving to a new city, starting a new job, getting married or divorced, or having a child. And for many of us there’s never been a bigger life disruption than the pandemic, which has changed how we work, eat, sleep and exercise, and even how we connect with friends and family.”

One year later: 15 ways life has changed since the onset of the COVID pandemic “Fifteen Fortune staffers reported on some of the most significant ways in which our lives have been altered, and one lesson rings true: Virtually no one has been left untouched after 12 months of such dramatic disruption. A generous dose of empathy and understanding of that truth will make us all stronger as we rebuild and remake our world in the year ahead.”

In Their Own Words, Americans Describe the Struggles and Silver Linings of the COVID-19 Pandemic “Pew Research Center has been asking survey questions over the past year about Americans’ views and reactions to the COVID-19 pandemic. In August, we gave the public a chance to tell us in their own words how the pandemic has affected them in their personal lives. We wanted to let them tell us how their lives have become more difficult or challenging, and we also asked about any unexpectedly positive events that might have happened during that time.”

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This week, we blogged that you need to honor the connection at the heart of all relationships. Here are some other writers on different aspects of this discussion.

Connection: At the Heart of any Good Relationship “In my experience, for relationships to really work, connections have to exist and develop on multiple levels. The extent to which these connections deepen and mature over time is likely to have a big bearing on the level of fulfillment the parties experience within the relationship.”

6 Heart-Centered Communication Tools to Strengthen Your Relationships “Communication is all about the heart. No matter how serious the conversation or the stakes involved, we want to connect, to understand, and be understood. A successful communication is so fulfilling because the separation between ourselves and the person we are speaking with softens or disappears entirely. We feel closer, more intimate, calmer, and less isolated. Who doesn’t want to communicate better?”

5 Tips to Recognize and Honor Your Needs in Relationships “We don’t learn to pay much attention to our needs, beyond the basics of food, water, and shelter. Television advertisements, popular culture, and the desires of others dictate our “needs.” But I’ll bet that, on a soul level, you don’t need a cooler car, a bigger ring, whiter teeth, or more parties. What do you need then? Answering this question can be one of the most powerful transformations of your life.”

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Our blog this week was about ensuring that your relationship embraces sacred space, a time when the two of you are fully connected. Here are some other writings exploring aspects of this.

Sacred Space “At some point, we will all experience the ups and downs of being human. Feeling lost, being in love, confusion, wanting more, healing. Creating sacred space is one valuable tool that can support our everyday work of building lives of purpose and meaning. Sacred space provides an opportunity for us to explore the kind of person we want to be, what we believe, and why.”

Safe Space, Sacred Space — How to Stay Together “Sacred space is that sacrosanct condition where two people come together in innocence and openness in the name of love. Anything can happen in this space. Anything can be said in this space. Anything can be forgiven in this space. And, everything can be held in this space. It is this safe, sacred space that allows our hearts to bond, unite, and become one.”

Me, You, Us – Entering the Sacred Space of Co-creation “Intimacy is the coming together of two separate selves in a joint-effort creation: You and Me make Us. Something happens in that space of co-creation where intimacy happens, something invisible and magical, something sacred, spiritual in nature. A bridge is built, upon which there is a steady stream of energy flowing back and forth, an exchange of essences, where understanding and closeness are achieved, where an indestructible bond develops. Us is sacred, one of a kind, special and unique unto itself, just as You and Me are special and unique. Us becomes an entity unto itself and a source of vital nourishment.”

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This week, we wrote about why it is important to remember you are on the same side as your partner. We found remarkably little addressing this topic directly, so we had to link to an earlier article of ours.

This One Phrase Helps Turn A Fight Into A Problem To Solve “After 10 years of marriage, Ashley Innes is no stranger to heated, circular arguments with her spouse. Oftentimes, these fights are centered on work-life balance since both she and her husband have demanding, high-stress jobs. But then, Innes pulled out a secret argument-ending phrase that she now uses often. “I told my husband, ‘Hey, remember we’re on the same team,’” she said. “Saying that just instantly takes you out of the argument and reminds you that this person is not the enemy.””

Know You are on the Same Side in Your Relationship “In any relationship, there can be a feeling of being on the same side that is quite delicious. It may be no more than the grizzled assistant at the hardware store helping you decide the best way to construct a raised flower bed. He’s not trying to maximize the sale; he’s working with you to find the best approach. Or maybe it’s you and your partner planning the garden or a trip or the blog you write together. Whatever it is, become attuned to that feeling, because if it vanishes, that’s a warning signal that you may be swerving into the path of a full-blown argument.”

GET ON THE SAME PAGE (The Secret To A Feel Good Relationship) “What does this mean? It means quite simply that if we want our relationships to continue long term and if we want to feel good in our relationships, we have to BE ON THE SAME PAGE. When I counsel couples, every conflict I see boils down to this simple thing. The two people involved in the relationship are not on the same page. The differences between their perspectives and desires and therefore thoughts and actions about a subject are causing a wide vibrational gap to form between them.”

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This week we wrote that a relationship commitment should be one of intention and choice, not duty and obligation. Here are some writers on how to put intention foremost in your life.

Make this “Your Year!” An Intention Setting Guide for Couples and Individuals “A goal is measurable, it places value, either you achieve your goal or you fail (that seems harsh)! It is often born in the rational, 3-D mind, is black or white and can be non-forgiving. Intentions come from within, your deepest desires, the song in your heart and the energy of your soul coming together to create an intention. Intentions are compassionate, forgiving, ever growing, and evolving.”

Collaborative Influence “Collaborative Intention: Maintaining a non-defensive presence and making a conscious personal commitment to seeking mutual gains in your relationships. We call this being in the Green Zone, as opposed to being in the Red Zone which is a more adversarial attitude that we can slip into unconsciously. People in the Green Zone consciously seek solutions rather than blame. They think both short-term and long-term. They are interested in other points of view and welcome feedback. The key is remaining conscious of building mutual success. People in the Red Zone respond defensively, which triggers defensiveness in others.”

How to Shift From Expectations to Intentions “Shift the way you view the future, and the world around you will shift, too. Setting intentions for your day, your relationship, and your life could be one of the most beneficial things you do to steer yourself in a positive direction. But not all intentions are made equal. If you feel downtrodden, frustrated, or downright disappointed, chances are you have set an expectation—the sneaky cousin of the intention, that is far less forgiving, accommodating, and beneficial to a life well-lived.”

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