Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In our blog this week, we asked what makes for a conflict-free relationship? Here are some articles supporting this view. A couple are fairly short, but we included them because they are so on point.

What Is Radical Acceptance? The 5 Steps I Took To Save My Relationship “I had to learn how to show radical acceptance. “Andrea, just love him.” These were the surprising, profound words a wise friend had for me when I called to consult her after having a particularly bad fight with my boyfriend (now husband), Sanjay.”

Total Acceptance of The People in Your Life “Total acceptance of the people in your life is truly liberating. This means accepting someone for exactly who they are—not trying to change them or desperately hoping they grow, but rather accepting them for who they are right now. If you constantly try to change or pressure a person into becoming someone they currently aren’t, then even if they do change in the direction you desire, they probably won’t do it very well, they likely won’t do it for very long, and they will almost certainly resent you for it.”

Unconditional acceptance and limitless space for total honesty – can relationships be this simple? “Love is the energy of life, but it is an energy that can only flow through relationships that are based on unconditional acceptance and total honesty about everything. The thought system of perfect love enables you to easily accept everything and hide nothing. If you can do this, then you have transcended ego. Whether you call it enlightenment, awakening, or salvation, what is required is a total escape from ego.”

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In our blog this week, we wrote about why you need to know your core values in a relationship. Here are some other writers on that topic, complete with their own lists of potential core values.

When a ‘deal breaker’ really isn’t. Knowing what’s important in a relationship “Imagine your ideal mate. What would he or she look like? Do for a living? Be passionate about? Now imagine who that person wouldn’t be. What characteristics would immediately shoot up a red flag and have you hightailing it in the other direction? In relationships, our reactions to deal breakers can be just as strong — sometimes stronger — than our reactions to the romantic moments that pepper the honeymoon phase…”

Relationship Deal-Breakers and Preferences Aren’t the Same Thing “When it comes to dating, anyone in the game has a line in the sand that, once broached, immediately triggers the relationship to implode. What I’m referring to, my friends, is a deal-breaker. It’s something you could never live with.”

How Personal Core Values Can Sabotage or Save your Relationship “You thought you were in love. You had all of the symptoms. Now, no matter what you do, you can’t quiet that voice that says “There is something missing.” Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, it can be because of a difference in core values between you and your partner.”

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This week’s blog is on the need for total acceptance in a successful relationship. Here’s a variety of viewpoints on this topic.

Acceptance: The Foundation of Lasting Relationships “Relating is simply about acceptance of the other and commitment to that person above all else, including what we want. Acceptance is recognizing the other person for who he or she is and being attentive to the circumstances of the relationship moment by moment.”

Acceptance: The Key to a Happy Marriage “Acceptance also takes maturity. It is the mature person who grasps that just because someone is different, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them.”

It is what it is…. 3 Ways to learn Total Acceptance “Learning to practice acceptance can drastically improve our outlook on our current state of affairs. And not just any old acceptance, but TOTAL ACCEPTANCE.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about why it’s important to be kind and gentle in your relationships. These articles explain why they are such important qualities in relationships.

The Importance of Kindness “Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Science has now shown that devoting resources to others, rather than having more and more for yourself, brings about lasting well-being. Kindness has been found by researchers to be the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Many colleges, including Harvard, are now emphasizing kindness on applications for admission.”

Gentleness is Strength: The 7 Habits of Highly Gentle People “There is nothing that shows your strength better than your gentleness. It might sound a little bit odd. It may come across as some kind of a contradiction, but if you think about it for just a minute it makes sense. ‘Most of us, I believe, admire strength. It’s something we tend to respect in others, desire for ourselves, and wish for our children. Sometimes, though, I wonder if we confuse strength and other words–like aggression and even violence. Real strength is neither male nor female; but is, quite simply, one of the finest characteristics that any human being can possess.’ – Mr Rogers”

How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love “One of the main points of the … key to lasting relationships is kindness and generosity. Based on the research of Gottman and others, ‘kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage.’ When kindness is expressed in relationship, couples feel more care, consideration, love, and understanding. Kindness contributes to an overall feeling of goodwill and positivity. Partners are inspired and motivated to continue the pattern, which results in a positive cycle of love and generosity.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about why matching values are important for your relationships. These articles cover a wide spectrum of ways to look at values.

What Should You Look For In A Partner? Here’s How To Figure Out Your Core Values In Relationships, According To Experts “As we each navigate the ups-and-downs of our love lives — from meet-cute to breakup and back again — we’re constantly learning more about ourselves, what we want in life, and what we value in relationships. Over time, everyone develops their own unique set of core values: fundamental beliefs that influence how we conduct ourselves in all aspects of life, including our romantic relationships.”

Love and Values “Acting on feelings no doubt got you into a love relationship. Continuing to act on feelings will almost certainly get you out of it… On a routine basis, feelings are about temporary variations in comfort, convenience, pleasure, and status. Values, on the other hand, are stable over time and ultimately supported by a sense of character. While feelings create temporary importance, values give enduring meaning and purpose to life. Feelings may forge committed relationships, but values sustain them. The power of love comes not from its feelings but its values.”

Value (ethics) “Values relate to the norms of a culture, but they are more global and intellectual than norms. Norms provide rules for behavior in specific situations, while values identify what should be judged as good or evil. While norms are standards, patterns, rules and guides of expected behavior, values are abstract concepts of what is important and worthwhile. Flying the national flag on a holiday is a norm, but it reflects the value of patriotism. Wearing dark clothing and appearing solemn are normative behaviors to manifest respect at a funeral. Different cultures represent values differently and to different levels of emphasis”