Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about how to recognize that each relationship is a unique treasure. Here are some articles that describe describe the current thinking in this area.

“We-Talk” Is Linked to Happier and Healthier Relationships “‘I-talk’ refers to the frequent use of first-person singular pronouns, such as ‘I,’ ‘me,’ and “mine,” when writing or speaking. “We-talk” refers to the frequent use of first-person plural pronouns, such as ‘we,’ ‘us,’ and ‘ours.’ Earlier this year, a study from the University of Arizona reported that excessive ‘I-talk’ was an accurate linguistic marker for the likelihood that someone was more prone to general distress and a wide array of negative emotions. (For more, see: ‘Stressed Out? Too Much ‘I-Talk’ Could Be Part of the Problem.’)”

Why autonomy in a relationship is important (+ ways to nurture it) “Humans are social creatures who yearn for belonging and support. But you also must prioritize your own needs and goals to feel like you’re bringing your most authentic self to each relationship. Creating the right balance between reliance and autonomy is tricky and often starts with your relationship with yourself. But fostering autonomy in your relationships might just be the key to enjoying healthy connections.”

The “We” of Healthy Relationships “When couples make a commitment to each other, there is often a transition in how the individuals speak. Instead of ‘I’ did this or that, it becomes ‘we’ did this or that. Or ‘we’ think thus and so. This is not a mere grammatical change. It reflects a profound shift in the self of each member of the couple. That is, the partner becomes a part of the self. This is described in self-expansion theory or the inclusion of other in the self (IOS).”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about why respect and equality are so important in your relationships. Here are some writers’ thoughts on both these areas.

What is Respect in a Relationship? “At its core, respect functions as a multi-dimensional principle that underpins effective relationships across all contexts–be they romantic, familial, or friendly. True respect involves much more than just superficial pleasantries or simply treating others how you would want to be treated.”

How to Build Respect in a Relationship “Whether you’re in a relationship or not, your partner is a human being with their own opinions, passions, and beliefs. If you’re trying to change, control, or dismiss this reality, you’re not respecting or honoring your partner. In a loving relationship, there must be respect, and that starts with yourself. Self-respect is essential to understanding your boundaries, what you want from your partner, and what you’re willing to compromise on.”

Talking To My Partner: Why Understanding the Difference Between Equity and Equality in Your Relationship or Marriage is Key “There has been a cultural shift where more and more people are turning their attention to matters of equality. And, while fighting for equality is, in general, a great endeavor and one that, in many cases, has been long overdue, it’s important to remember what the difference between “equity” and “equality” is and, in the case of marriages, why “equality” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, far too many couples are struggling in their relationships because their attention is hyper-focused on making everything equal, which, in turn, leads to scorekeeping, contempt, and other corrosive thought patterns and behaviors.”

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This week, we wrote about what we have learned about peace and harmony through our relationship. Here are some other blogs we have written that expand on different aspects of having a peaceful, harmonious relationship.

Why You Benefit From Both Separation and Connection in Your Relationships “This is a perfect example of what we refer to as one of the cornerstones of harmonious peaceful relationships, the element of individuality within a relationship; the trick of remaining an individual while being in union. This same applies in various degrees to all relationships, often within families and even friendships. The more you know yourself, the easier it is to practice the respect and honoring of others’ individuality.”

Total Acceptance From the Heart is How You Create Peace in Your Relationship “But I don’t want to convey the message that a successful relationship requires a long apprenticeship, because what Maude and I have is an attitude, and I see no reason why it cannot be adopted by anyone at any age. It starts from the understanding that we are two completely separate individuals. My desires, pleasures, thoughts and worries are not hers, even though there is much overlap. It is where they don’t overlap that the differences stand out.”

What are the Characteristics that Create a Sense of Peace in Relationships? “When your relationship is peaceful and harmonious, you remain connected whether you are together or apart. There is never any sense of disconnection. With full acceptance (pretty much a prerequisite of a peaceful relationship), you never feel a need to leave in order to protect your individual identity. Neither does your partner, so disconnection never occurs, and the struggle of reconnecting is not necessary.”

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This week, we wrote about how acceptance creates peace within your relationships. Here are three sites that promote peace individually and in the world.

United Nations International Day of Peace “Each year the International Day of Peace (IDP) is observed around the world on 21 September. The UN General Assembly has declared this as a day devoted to strengthening the ideals of peace, through observing 24 hours of non-violence and cease-fire. Never has our world needed peace more. This year’s theme is Actions for Peace: Our Ambition for the #GlobalGoals. It is a call to action that recognizes our individual and collective responsibility to foster peace. Fostering peace contributes to the realization of the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) and achieving the Sustainable Development Goals will create a culture of peace for all.”

I DECLARE WORLD PEACE The Project “We started the I Declare World Peace project in 2010, to install the phrase “I Declare World Peace” into human consciousness, intending to contribute to an increase in #GlobalPeaceConsciousness. Participation in the I Declare World Peace project is simple, free and at will. It requires no registration or “membership”. We do not accept donations, and we do not create or sell mailing lists.”

Peace Pilgrim “From 1953 until 1981, a silver haired woman calling herself only “Peace Pilgrim” walked more than 25,000 miles on a personal pilgrimage for peace. Wearing a blue tunic and carrying just a few worldly possessions in her pockets, she shared her simple but profound message in thousands of communities throughout the U.S.: ‘when enough of us find inner peace, our institutions will become peaceful and there will be no more occasion for war.'”

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This week, we wrote about how to make sure you keep your relationships alive. Here are some articles that discuss the sacred within relationships.

4 Truths About A Sacred Relationship “A sacred relationship is a relationship in which we are inspired to see the divine in another person, to experience oneness through the union of two. We become ready for this sacred relationship at a very particular time in our lives—a time when we awaken to the sacredness within ourselves. When you come to realize that you’re not just a body—that you are, in fact, the essence of love and truth—a deep desire to know yourself as love, and to experience love in your relationships, comes forth. And so, the desire for a sacred relationship is born”

The Importance of Sacred Space in Your Relationship “We are so often overrun by our lives. The job. The kids. The bills. The chores. The dog. Friends. Parents. Yada Yada Yada. We are working so hard to keep our heads above water and take care of all the things we feel responsible for, that others pull on us for, and the desire just to keep life moving forward. We juggle so much – it is no wonder we can be overwhelmed by the life we created! We feel we have to keep up with all of these responsibilities…. It is time to consider rebalancing…. To make the type of restructured approach that focuses more on the high value relationships we see, we must introduce the concept of sacred space.”

Re-imagining Our Sacred Relationships “Rugged individualism has served America well in some respects. It’s created many of the world’s most successful entrepreneurs and decades of economic growth. But has individualism gone too far? In fact, the science of wellbeing tells us that positive relationships are central to our ability to thrive and have a good life. Money and material goods don’t satisfy for long; meaningful relationships do. Think about it: how much happiness is available to someone who feels all alone?”

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