Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Core Values, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments

This week we blogged about core values and how they affect your relationship. Here are some helpful articles that also discuss this topic.

The key for a successful relationship: Aligned values “Aligned values are one the most important things in any relationship. Whether it is with your life partner or business partner, aligned or misaligned values will define the success or failure of a relationship from day one. I like to visualise this as a pyramid, where at the very top you have your values, and below that, you have your life vision, then your objectives, and then at the bottom, your interests.”

7 Ways to Tell If You’ll Work as a Couple Long-Term “Seven core value types have been identified as universal—acknowledged and ascribed to around the globe. So no matter where you live, chances are strong that you have already formed your own personal values, to some degree, in the seven areas listed below. Research also indicates that relationships that are built on shared values are much more likely to endure—sure, a fantastic lover offers thrills and chills, but someone who shares your core values will be by your side once the early excitement subsides and the goosebumps disappear.”

Understanding Your Core Values in Relationships (No They’re Not Your Common Interests) “One of the things that people are most confused about and that I get asked a lot of questions about, is the issue of ‘common interests’ and letting superficial things inadvertently get mixed in with your ‘core’ values. Over the past few days I’ve been talking about value and values in relationships, and in this post, I put a clear division between the nice to have stuff that doesn’t actually cause your relationship to endure unless you have the ‘core’ values covered off.”

By Posted on Posted in Friday Feature, Love, Reading, Relationships No Comments Tagged with ,

Today we’re pleased to feature Karen Haddigan, author of  Secrets of Dating After Fifty: The Insider’s Guide to Finding Love Again.

Karen writes and does presentations on online dating for those just returning to the dating scene. She offers up-to-date information on its changes, and works with people in the area of reinventing themselves after crisis like loss or divorce of a partner.

Her book, Secrets of Dating After Fifty, takes readers on a wild ride in the search to find love later in life, where the dating landscape has completely changed, potential partners are served up online and there are no rules for how to behave.Book cover: Dating after Fifty

Humorous, insightful and blushingly candid, Secrets pulls no punches. It explores everything from the re-awakening of your inner teenager to sex with aging bodies, how to avoid dates from hell and why you should never ask your married friends for dating advice.

Karen Haddigan has been a TV comedy writer, amateur actor, tree-planter, real estate agent/investor, single mother and professional mediator. She was a senior instructor in a Conflict Resolution program at the Justice Institute of BC, Canada, for seventeen years, where she authored a training manual for mediators.

Are you recently single, over 50 and feeling like a dinosaur in the modern world of dating? Well, buckle up because Secrets of Dating After Fifty is here to help.

You can connect with Karen on Facebook or on her website.

 

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This week we blogged about how a successful relationship easily handles time apart. We wrote a very personal story, but here are some articles on the topic time together, time apart.

Be Apart to Stay Together “No one expected the typically close-mouthed Barbra Steisand to share something so personal on Katie last month, the new TV talk show. But when Katie Couric asked her about the secret to her happy 14-year marriage to James Brolin, Barbra revealed her secret, without hesitation. Barbra and James spend time apart.”

Time Together and Time Apart “In our last article we talked about how friends have a powerful effect on our marriage and our personal emotional health. Beyond providing emotional support in our time of need, spending time with others helps to strengthen our identification as a couple and make us feel connected to the world. Just as important for a successful marriage is the amount of time couples spend doing things with each other, without other couples.”

Why Time Is Important in Relationships “Often times people think that the solution to every problem in a relationship is to spend more time together, more closeness. That can actually do harm to a loving relationship. Can you truly desire what you never miss? Spend too much time together and contempt can block out any appreciation for your partner. I think of it as self-induced cabin fever. Making some time for your individual self allows you to practice self care as well as miss the people in your life that you love.”

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This week we blogged about total acceptance. Here are a few articles that discuss different aspects of this topic.

Is ‘Radical Acceptance’ the Key to a Lasting Relationship?  “I had been perpetuating the turmoil in our relationship by continuing to focus on Sanjay’s flaws. Instead, I needed to accept him as he was and commit to loving him. I needed to fully accept myself as well and not let the fear of rejection prevent me from being open and honest with my feelings.”

7 Ways to Be More Accepting of Your Partner—and Build a Stronger Relationship “The best relationships involve two individuals who feel they can function independently of one another. When one half of a partnership tries to control the other, the results can be disastrous for both sides. A healthy relationship includes trust, and an ability to let the other person be fully themselves, while also fully accepting and loving them.”

9 Differences Between Accepting & Tolerating Your Partner “Regarding romantic relationships, you may accept certain traits about your partner while only tolerating others. Of course, it helps to understand the differences between accepting and tolerating your partner in order to make the differentiation. ‘When we tolerate behavior, we are still angry, frustrated and resentful about it,’ Kim Olver, MS, LCPC, NCC, BCC, founder of The Relationship Center, and author of Secrets of Happy Couples, tells Bustle. ‘However, when we get to acceptance, all the negativity falls away — there is no frustration, anger, or resentment.'”

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This week we blogged on the truth of the “we” at the core of relationships. Here are some fascinating articles sharing studies about the use of “we” versus “I” in relationships.

How to Improve Your Relationship With One Simple Word “… check this out: Researcher Robert Levenson and colleagues at University of California, Berkeley, have been eavesdropping on our relationships and found couples who use the word “we” when talking, especially about difficult things, are happier, calmer, exhibit more positive emotional behavior, have less negative automatic arousal (i.e. heart pumping adrenaline and anxiety) and in general are more satisfied with their relationships (think: affection, respect, intimacy) than couples whose communication is more populated by the pronouns you, me and I. ”

“We” vs. “Me” Couples “The ‘we’ couples take themselves less seriously. They don’t imagine they can be perfect and are unsurprised when things don’t go swimmingly. Rather than a ‘here we go again, the universe hates me,’ when the car is stolen, a ‘we’ couple will quickly bemoan the fact that this happened to ‘us’ and move on. Of course cars get stolen, it happens every day. He files the police report, she arranges a rental. They get to work on time and the flow of life continues. ‘Me’ couples blame each other (I told you we shouldn’t have parked here. Why did you open an account in a bank here? It’s a crummy neighborhood). They storm off, they don’t resolve the issue quickly, they don’t get to work and they have more problems as the newest spiral downward commences.”

Love’s Language: Couples who say ‘we’ happier “Previous studies have indicated that use of inclusive pronouns that include ‘we,’ ‘our’ and ‘us’ — versus ‘I,’ ‘me’ and ‘you’ — are evidence of marital satisfaction in younger couples like Sievwright and hubby Dane, both of whom are 27. The latest work, in the September issue of the journal Psychology and Aging, carries the link forward to more established pairs when conflict bubbles, and reports evidence of more relaxed heart rates and blood pressure among those with the highest ‘we-ness’ quotients. ‘We found more ‘we’ language in older couples and in happier couples,’ said Robert Levenson, the study’s senior researcher at the University of California, Berkeley.”

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