Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we discussed the experience of being on the same side, how to recognize it weakening, and what to do about it. We found hardly any articles that focused on that experience; most write about how to return to that state, rather than how to avoid losing it.

The Fine Art of Deciding Together “Contract thinking begins with the self-absorbed idea that life owes us something — happiness, comfort, ease, whatever — and that relationships shouldn’t get in the way of us achieving these things. … By contrast, covenantal thinking begins with the idea that the bond means everything, beginning with a thankful heart and an eagerness to work with others, not around them. Covenantal thinkers don’t begin with “you and me,” but rather “we,” and they build togetherness by promising to be loyal, to work through issues, and perhaps most of all — to make decisions together.”

Solve Your Relationship Problems Once and for All “Does it seem like you have the same fights, over and over? You’re not alone. Learning to rethink how you view conflict can help couples grow closer. Then, the next step is having the right strategies in place for dealing with your problems. Here are three different ways of solving your relationship problems:”

The 7 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships “So what is the solution to dealing with resentment against your spouse and its possible escalation to anger? The solution is to channel the shock at your spouse’s behavior into empathy, to try and understand them, and to come at the situation trying to see their perspective. It’s trite to say, but that’s because it is advice which is perennial. If it were easy, no one would need to talk about it much.”

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In this week’s blog, we discussed what commitment really means in a relationship. Here are some interesting articles and studies different aspects of this.

How committed your relationship is goes hand in hand with happiness and well-being, study discovers “The bottom line, say the researchers, is that having a romantic relationship makes both men and women happier — and the stronger the relationship’s commitment, the greater the happiness and sense of well-being of the partners.”

What Happens When Partners Aren’t Equally Committed “In some couples, one partner is substantially more committed than the other. We call these Asymmetrically Committed Relationships (ACRs). No one who is looking for lasting love wants to find themselves in an ACR, but we suspect it has become increasingly easy to land in one. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

A fear of getting dumped kills romance and commitment “Can the fear of a relationship ending actually lessen love and cause a break-up? If yes, how does it happen? These were the questions that Simona Sciara and Giuseppe Pantaleo of the Vita-Salute San Raffaele University in Italy set out to answer in an article…”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about making a fresh start in your year and life. Here are a variety of articles on that topic.

September Is Your Second-Chance January “This notion of new beginnings, incidentally, was the subject of an insightful 2014 paper by a trio of researchers at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School. In it, they found evidence of something they called the “fresh start effect” — that is, that people are much more likely to think of the bigger picture of their lives, and set goals accordingly, just after beginning some new era. These could be, and often were, big milestones: a new job, a new marriage, a new school year. But, just as often, they were much smaller than that: the start of a new month (or even of a new week or day), or the first day back at work after a vacation.”

14 Ways To Create The Best Relationship Of Your Life “After 30 years of working with couples and researching how people repaired their relationships, I suddenly realized that we had really reached a pivotal moment; all our studies, stories, and the science had come together, and we were in the midst of a revolution—a new way of truly understanding romantic love. Finally we can grasp the laws of love—and they make sense!”

Give A Fresh Start To Your Personal Life “Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% what you do with that. Although life doesn’t come with a re-set button, you can give your personal life a fresh start anytime you choose. Why not declare that “This year is going to be a fresh start”? I believe that what we do every day is important because we are exchanging a day of our life for it. If you aren’t happy with the life you are living, then make a commitment today to get on track to a joyful, productive life. How do you kick-start your personal life?”

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In this week’s blog, we discussed how to reconcile individuality and union in your relationships. Here are some insightful articles on that topic.

The Importance of Maintaining Your Individuality in Relationships “‘You complete me.’ Who doesn’t love this seminal line from Tom Cruise’s character in the movie Jerry McGuire? It melts the heart of any romantic and makes them long for a love like that. A union with their ‘missing piece’ – someone who makes them feel whole and complete. … However, this glamorous portrayal of true love gives us false expectations. While making certain compromises is necessary to make any partnership work, losing ourselves in the process isn’t. Escalating divorce rates of over 50% and infidelity rates of over 40% is a clear sign that we’re missing an essential piece of the relationship game.”

Giving in Relationships Without Losing Yourself or Sacrificing Your Needs “‘Relationships are about two individuals who maintain their own lives and create another one together.’ ~Unknown. … I have observed that I have a strong desire to merge with my partner because it feels blissful to be connected. I crave union, being one with the person who means most to me. … Relationships require a delicate balance between having clear boundaries and yet not becoming too closed off from the other person.”

How to Be With Someone But Still Be Yourself “Where do you end and where does your partner begin? … But that feeling of merging may contribute to you feeling like you’re losing your identity—or losing yourself in the relationship. When two become one, there’s beauty to that. A reciprocal relationship celebrates and encourages your unique sense of self within it. But that process usually doesn’t happen cleanly, and you may start to fear that your independent self will be annihilated.”

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In this week’s blog, we offered gratitude, peace and love for the new year. Here are three articles on those themes that are both practical and inspiring.

Love is the Way: The Universal Path to Peace, Happiness, and Enlightenment “But the word love has been greatly overused in modern times to mean everything from romantic attachment and attraction to the way you care for your family and friends, to something you have a passion for or even just something you really like. So the rest of this post is dedicated to clarifying exactly what this means (and making it crystal clear) and showing you clearly and simply how you can begin to truly live and apply this wisdom in your everyday life.”

The 11 Step Guide to Spreading Love “See your brothers and sisters all over the world as your extended family. We all intrinsically have one ultimate goal — to live in joy, love, and peace. Some have a strange way of showing it but they may be so lost in darkness that they have forgotten what radiance looks like. It is up to you to show them the light instead of judging or criticizing their path. Love is going to be the only solution to hatred, war, and destruction, not complaints and judgments.”

12 Powerful Gratitude Practices That Bring Joy “Gratitude didn’t come naturally to me. If there had been a championship for complaining, I would have been a serious contender. For years I felt entitled to everything, including the kindness of others. This didn’t make me very happy, since it was always easy to find something or someone to complain about. The more critical I grew, the less appealing life seemed and the worse I got on with others. … If I had continued living like that, I might have ended up complaining that water was too wet and the sky too blue.”

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