Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we write about the fundamental requirement for finding mutual decisions and solving problems in relationships. These links are about how couples can deal with relationship problems.

Equal Partnerships: What Do They Really Consist Of? “When you see some couples that seem happier, more balanced and equitable than others, do you ever wonder: What do they know that I don’t? Is it chemistry, destiny, or luck that creates such stability between them?”

14 Ways to Resolve Conflicts and Solve Relationship Problems “When problem-solving everyday issues becomes a tug-of-war over who’s right and who’s wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. “A better alternative is what I call the win-win waltz,” says marriage expert Susan Heitler, Ph.D., author of The Power of Two. “We toss information back and forth, we have an ‘aha!’ moment, and we come up with solutions that work very well for both of us.””

The Art of Solving Relationship Problems “Unsettled problems are a major source of stress, stress that can not only undermine your relationship, but your diabetes management as well. Research has shown that successful relationships are not those that necessarily have fewer problems, but those that have found effective means of solving the problems that come up. Here is a 6-step process for tackling and solving those problems in your relationships.”

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In this week’s blog, we write about what peace in a relationship is like; here are some other peoples’ thoughts on this subject.

5 Top Tips to Enhance Relationships and Find Inner Peace “We all have challenges in our relationships at some time or other. If you are having relationship problems, you wouldn’t be having them if you weren’t having them with yourself. It all starts with you, being at peace with yourself! You cannot expect to have peace with others, never mind even thinking of having a healthy relationship when you have turmoil inside of you.”

Peace Love and Happiness: Finding Inner Peace and Accepting Love = Happiness “Does everyone really have a soul mate? It seems that everyone is searching for that one special person that will make their life complete. Then we’ll truly find happiness right? Hollywood has made it hard for people to live up to the expectations of the fairytale relationship. I’m not a pessimist, just a realist. Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful life and a beautiful wife whom I have an amazing relationship with. And by all accounts, I have never been happier. But it had more to do with me than her or “us.””

Happiness in Relationships “Happiness in relationships thrives when it involves people that already feel whole, secure and happy. These people do not depend on a relationship to give them anything. All of their relationships then reflect the wholeness of what they are. Is this your experience or are you demanding that relationships give you something they cannot?”

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In this week’s blog we asked if you were too snippy in your relationship. Snippiness is not a common topic, so some of these discuss contempt.

Relationship Communication: How to Talk So That Your Partner Will Listen “The guidelines for being a good listener are not just for men. These guidelines for listening and communication apply to both men and women, straight and gay, and for friendships as well. Good communication and good listening are also part of negotiating in business, as well. And, of course, rationality and problem-solving are also important.”

My boyfriend gets this impatient tone “Dear Cary, I really don’t want to say it out loud, but is kind of a stay-or-go issue. It’s about the way my boyfriend talks to me. A few times a day he gets this impatient tone in his voice that I find disrespectful and offensive. We have been together four years, and this has bothered me from the beginning. I tend to be a very sensitive person, especially in relationships, and when he has this tone, I can feel myself turning into myself and closing up.”

Overcoming Hostility, Criticism and Contempt in Your Relationships This article gives a large number of examples of people expressing contempt and hostility, and gives solutions to handle this behavior.

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In this week’s blog we asked whether you can avoid drama in your relationship. We found many different approaches to this question, so we have more links than usual this week. Hope you enjoy them!

7 Crucial Steps to Minimize Drama in Your Life “For a long time, I lamented all the damaging relationships I’d been in, as if I was some kind of victim who always got the short end of the stick. Then one day I realized there was a reason I always found myself in dramatic relationships: I was attracted to drama like a moth to a flame.”

How To Avoid Drama In Your Relationship “We talk a lot about “drama” when it comes to relationships and how to avoid it. Drama – in this case, unnecessary or manufactured conflict – is frequently the boogieman of dating; … But we rarely ever stop to think that we might be the ones causing drama.”

Drama “One way to look at drama in relationships is with a model called the Karpman Drama Triangle. The model has three ‘triangle roles’ –Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor–and by implication, one ‘non-triangling role, the ‘adult’.”

Deeper Dating: Passion Without The Drama “Many of us have wasted years in relationships whose hallmarks were conflict and drama…. As we get older, however, melodrama becomes increasingly less acceptable, and compatibility and kindness begin to look more and more desirable. But this doesn’t mean the end of adventure. We can have and enjoy the deep thrills of romantic love and the comfort of stability at the same time.”

Breaking the Addiction to Drama in Your Relationships “What we often dismiss as “drama” is actually unprocessed pain. If you or your love seem to have an addiction to drama, this is your chance to get clean.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about intimacy in a relationship. Here are some accompanying articles. The first is unusually insightful about the structure of relationships.

Intimacy: The Art of Relationships This is a long but really impressive article on relationships; we encourage you to read it in its entirety. Some excerpts: “Most marriage partners don’t even know they expected something until they realize that they’re not getting it…. there are skills that have to be learned so that such interaction can be safe. Both partners need to learn how to listen without judging or giving unwanted advice…. Expressing your feelings about a given situation and asking for your partner’s honesty in return is the most significant way to discover truth in your relationship. Instead, most communication between intimates is nonverbal and leans heavily on mind reading…. One of the simple truths of relationships is that often enough, all we need to do to resolve a problem is to listen to our partner–not just passively listen but truly hear what is in the mind and in the heart…. All it requires is listening with empathy, and the experience becomes a source of pleasure for both of them.”

How to Feel Close and Connected in Your Relationship Again “When we’re feeling disconnected and unfulfilled in our relationships, we often believe that we need something more from the other person. We think that in order for us to be happy, the other person needs to be or do something different. While it may be true that sometimes there are some changes we need to make, oftentimes being happy and getting what we desire has more to do with our own awareness.”

The 5 Stages Of Intimacy (And Why You Need To Know Where YOU Are) “We’ve all heard of the five stages of grief according to the Kübler-Ross model: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Believe it or not, grief and intimacy mirror one another—the intensity, the dullness, the gains, and the loss.”

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