Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog we looked at fear and love and how they affect relationships. There is some good writing here on those twin forces.

To Love or to Fear? “In my life, I have begun to realize that behind the veil of every feeling I have ever experienced since I was a little girl, there have always been only two core emotions which brought forth actions and reactions: love and fear. These two emotions are the directors behind every expression of thought. They are the drivers of the bus. They are the captains of the ship.”

Loving the Unknown “The voice of fear fills our minds with thoughts that project into the future and expect the worst. Should I or shouldn’t I? What if I do—or don’t? The imagination runs wild thinking of every negative scenario that could happen. And the effect of these projections? You feel stuck, you limit yourself, or you resign yourself to playing it safe. Your attention is captured in fear-infused thoughts, while you’re missing the beauty of what is real and alive right here and now.”

Five Clues That Your Decisions Are Based on Fear “Once you’re aware that certain types of fear are more likely to occur in relationship situations and you accept how insidious they can be. You can begin to watch for clues that your decisions are being based on fearful thinking (as opposed to clear thinking). Here are five things that are often signs of fear-based decisions.”

 

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In this week’s blog we looked at how important being positive is for your relationship. Here are some interesting articles on positivity and relationships.

How to Make Your Relationship More Positive “Most people think that you cannot create positivity—it’s either there or it’s not—but they’re wrong. You can definitely encourage yourself and your loved ones to be and feel more positive. You just have to learn how to do it, as many others have done. Think about the professional athlete who has lost a game and has to pump himself and his teammates up for the next one. Having a good coach—or a good therapist—may help, but pumping yourself up is something you can do on your own or even as a couple.”

3 Ways to Keep Your Relationship in the Positive Perspective “Dave has been married for 10 years. When he is away from his partner and thinks of her, he usually thinks about how she doesn’t help out around the house enough or about recent fights they’ve had. Sarah has been in a relationship for six years. When she is away from her partner and thinks of her, most of the time she thinks fondly about past vacations or other positive (and even neutral) memories. In both of these scenarios, the crucial difference between Dave and Sarah is how positively or negatively they view their partner.”

8 Tips for Developing Positive Relationships “One of the most profound experiences we can have in our lives is the connection we have with other human beings. Positive and supportive relationships will help us to feel healthier, happier, and more satisfied with our lives. So here are a few tips to help you to develop more positive and healthy relationships in all areas of your life.”

 

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In this week’s blog we looked at how to find a relationship when you’re older. The writers have a wide view of what “older dating” means, but the advice applies at any age.

He Asked 1500+ Elders For Advice On Living And Loving. Here’s What They Told Him “Karl Pillemer has spent the last several years systematically interviewing hundreds of older Americans to collect their lessons for living. He’s … a Ph.D. gerontologist at Cornell University. Some years ago, after turning 50, he wondered whether there is something about getting older that teaches you how to live better. “Could we look at the oldest Americans as experts on how to live our lives?” he asked. “And could we tap that wisdom to help us make the most of our lifetimes?” [He has written] “30 Lessons for Loving,” which features practical wisdom from over 700 older Americans with 25,000 collective years of marriage experience. One couple he profiles was married for 76 years. Another interviewee describes divorcing her husband, then remarrying him 64 years later.”

40 Tips for Finding Love After 40 “We’ve asked a panel of local experts to share their top tips for finding love after the age of 40. Their words of wisdom are designed to help you find the kind of relationship that meets your individual wishes and needs at this exciting point in your life. From professional matchmakers to experienced relationship coaches, we’ve gathered a group of love aficionados who understand what it takes for mature adults to identify what they want and how to achieve it.”

Romance and new relationships in later life “I recently asked some people between the ages of 20 and 45 what they thought about 70-year-old people hugging, touching, having sexual relations, living together. Some laughed, some just smiled. One person responded, “Aren’t people over 65 beyond all that?” Well… No.”

 

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In this week’s blog we looked at the importance of respect in your relationship. Many people think this is even more important than communication. Here are some articles on this topic.

What is Respect in a Healthy Relationship? “People have a lot of different ideas about what the word “respect” means. Sometimes, it is used to mean admiration for someone important or inspirational to us. Other times, respect refers to deference towards a figure of authority, like a parent, relative, teacher, boss or even a police officer. In this post, we’re talking about respect in the context of dating. In a healthy relationship, partners are equals, which means that neither partner has “authority” over the other. Each partner is free to live their own life, which can include deciding to share some aspects of their life with their partner. Respect also means that, while we may not always agree with our partner/s, we choose to trust them and put faith in their judgment.”

Relationships and the Importance of Respect “Relationship advice is everywhere and you often hear that the key is communicate – communicate – communicate… You will hear the importance of making clear agreements, having good boundaries and of course the importance of love. Respect however is often mentioned in passing and yet respect is paramount in successful happy relationships, romantic or otherwise.”

Why Is Respect Important In a Relationship? “Love and respect can never be separated in a relationship, especially in a romantic one. It is true that we can respect someone and not really love him, but we can never love anyone without also respecting them.”

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In this week’s blog we asked if there are more successful relationships than you think. It was difficult to find articles directly pertaining to this topic, but here are some interesting ones on what makes successful relationships.

What Research Tells Us About the Most Successful Relationships “While a perfect relationship might be beyond the grasp of science, studies on what makes a relationship successful are everywhere. Over the years, these studies have come up with some trends that help us better understand what sets a long lasting relationship apart from one that ends quickly.”

1,500 People Give All the Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need “I sent out the call the week before my wedding: anyone who has been married for 10+ years and is still happy in their relationship, what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? And if you are divorced, what didn’t work previously?”

The 12 Ties that Bind Long-Term Relationships “The surprising findings of this study, reported in the prestigious journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, showed not only that many people were still in love even after 10 years of marriage, but also which factors predicted the strength of their passion…. A whopping 40 percent of those married 10 years or more stated that they were “Very intensely in love”—the highest rating on the scale.”