Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we discussed why you shouldn’t focus on relationship differences. Here are some articles that examine different aspects of this topic.

How To Resolve Conflict And Save Your Relationship “A conflict becomes harmful when you’re focused on defending yourself from attack rather than on solving the problem. By focusing on your pain and suffering, you are ensuring you’ll experience more of the same, because where focus goes, energy flows, or as Tony [Robbins] says, ‘Whatever we consistently focus on is exactly what we will experience in our lives.'”

How to Navigate Differences in Your Relationship “But how do you know if a difference is more than something to seek counsel about, but is indeed a deal breaker? Because, the fact is, some are. Deal breakers are those differences that you anticipate will have a consistently divisive impact on your relationship. The two most important words in that sentence being “consistently divisive.” It’s impossible to grow together as a couple if your relationship lacks a foundation of unity.”

Relationship Tips: How to Handle Differences for a Successful Relationship “In a Wall Street Journal article, columnist Elizabeth Bernstein writes about the challenge of marriage between an ardent planner and a partner who prefers to be spontaneous. Perhaps you’ve known people in a marriage like that—or maybe you’re one of them! In my work with couples, I have heard many a planner call their spouse passive-aggressive or the spontaneous one refer to their spouse as a control freak.”

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to step out of your routine. Here are some interesting articles covering various aspects of this topic.

Why It’s Important to Break Routines “Having a routine isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can help you stay organized, be productive, or even, according to some researchers, find meaning. Certain studies have associated family routines with parenting competence and marital satisfaction. However, not all routines are created equal, and failing to examine or alter our habits can have a limiting or deadening effect on our lives.”

These 10 Things Will Happen When You Start Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone “The comfort zone. That safe place that makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside. It’s comforting, it’s familiar and it’s somewhere that the majority of human beings choose to place themselves. But in choosing to loiter within this zone for a large portion of our lives, we are effectively robbing ourselves of spontaneity, excitement, and–most importantly–we are denying ourselves the opportunity to follow our dreams.”

The Science of Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone (and Why You Should) “Routines can be stable and comforting, but they can also turn stale and confining over time. All those inspirational messages telling you to break out of your comfort zone aren’t just trying to sell you bungee cords. Doing something new and potentially frightening helps stave off burnout and is good for your brain. Still, it’s pretty hard to shake yourself out of a routine, and there’s plenty of science explaining why—and how to do it.”

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This week, we wrote about how to integrate thoughts and feelings in your life, and found what a deeply investigated field this is. Here are some articles that explore the research and practical aspects of this topic.

INTEGRATING MIND and BODY: what does it mean in practice and how to do it “We are all able to notice certain feelings that originate from our body and there are even more feelings of which we are unaware. Yet, our body constantly receives, processes and integrates such feelings in order to support different functions….
Knowing all of this, it becomes obvious that one cannot act on emotions, thoughts, self, identity and consciousness without dealing with body and senses. Yeah, but how does it work? The mechanisms described above prove that awareness plays a central role, but we must pay attention to possible misunderstandings. In fact, we have seen that the awareness that we want to reactivate is mainly sensory, and not cognitive. The fact of thinking about what one has heard, of giving a name and a meaning to it, becomes relevant only in a second moment.”

Body-Mind Integration: Training Attention for Mental and Physical Health “The body holds your physical health and your ability to function. For example, even the little actions like walking and the fine movements of your fingers depend on a healthy body. But the mind houses your spirit and your motivation to function. These days, we have evidence that mental and physical health are so related to each other, that studies about mind-body integration in psychology seem especially important.”

Integrated Emotions “What does it mean to feel, and why does it happen? When we look at emotions as “good” or “bad” we’re in a constant state of internal struggle against our own emotions. Is there another option? How can we shift away from this dualistic view and make friends with ALL our feelings?”

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This week, we discussed how to reach unity when there appear to be two sides. The following articles discuss some of the myriad aspects connected with this issue.

Bridging America’s divides requires a willingness to work together without becoming friends first “Amid two crises – the pandemic and the national reckoning sparked by the killing of George Floyd – there have been anguished calls for Americans to come together across lines of race and partisanship. Change would come, a USA Today contributor wrote, only “when we become sensitized to the distress of our neighbors.” Empathy born of intimacy was the prepandemic solution to the nation’s fractured political landscape. If Americans could simply get to know one another, to share stories and appreciate each other’s struggles, civic leaders argued, we would develop a sense of understanding and empathy that would extend beyond the single encounter. But after studying how Americans cooperate, both in moments of political upheaval and in ordinary times, I am convinced that tackling America’s political divide demands more than intimacy – and less than it.”

How cognitive bias can explain post-truth “Here, “post” is meant to indicate not so much the idea that we are “past” truth in a temporal sense (as in “postwar”) but in the sense that truth has been eclipsed by less important matters like ideology. One of the deepest roots of post-truth has been with us the longest, for it has been wired into our brains over the history of human evolution: cognitive bias. Psychologists for decades have been performing experiments that show that we are not quite as rational as we think.”

10 Tips for Talking to People You Can’t Agree With “This holiday season, you could easily find yourself in situations where someone raises politically divisive topics. The holidays are likely to bring you in contact with relatives and in-laws who may have different views, creating uncomfortable feelings, awkward silences, or outright confrontations. Fortunately, there are ways to cope with the interpersonal strains, thanks to new insights on the difference between diversity and disagreement.”

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In our blog this week, we discussed why equality is so important in a relationship. Here are some aspects about this from other people.

How to Know If You Are In a Healthy Relationship “Strong relationships are marked by natural reciprocity. It isn’t about keeping score or feeling that you owe the other person. You do things for one another because you genuinely want to. This doesn’t mean that the give-and-take in a relationship is always 100% equal. At times, one partner may need more help and support. In other cases, one partner may simply prefer to take more of a caregiver role. Such imbalances are fine as long as each person is ok with the dynamic and both partners are getting the support that they need.”

How To Avoid The Parent-Child Relationship Dynamic With Your Spouse “When you have an adult relationship, you probably expect to relate to each other as equals. However, when one partner takes on the majority of the responsibility, a parent-child relationship dynamic can develop. If this dynamic continues, it can decrease your relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being. Understanding the parent-child relationship dynamic can help you break the pattern and establish a more equal partnership.”

Is Your Relationship Fair? “In real life, do both partners really care about fairness? We all probably all know at least one long-suffering martyr who has been persuaded to feel obligated to some ungrateful mate. Not to mention, the media often portrays dating couples and relationship partners more like predator vs. prey than as complementary collaborators. So, what’s the truth here? Are people fair or selfish in their romantic relationships? Does it really matter? And if it does, what can we do about it?”

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