Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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In this week’s blog, we asked what do you reap when you take a leap in your relationship? Here are several different ways of looking at that question.

Conscious Relationships: A Path for Growth and Personal Transformation “A conscious relationship comprises a path for growth and personal transformation that is seen by some as a spiritual calling. The partners in a conscious relationship are committed to the radical practice of love. They are not trying to extract love, approval or security from their partner, but instead seek to behave lovingly toward each other. In conscious relationships, each partner is committed to their own growth and to the growth of their partner over and above maintaining the relationship, per se.”

Use Positive Psychology to Transform Your Relationship in Four Steps “Everlasting love can be more than just something you see in Disney movies – if you master four habits from the field of positive psychology. That’s according to a husband and wife team who’ve spent the last decade researching positive psychology and working on a book trying to distil the secrets to relationship success into bite-size rules. “Promoting a healthy (rather than an obsessive) passion, cultivating and prioritising positive emotions, taking time to mindfully savour experiences together, and seeking out strengths in one another.””

To love is to nurture: The secret to real relationship transformation “Stop saying ‘I love you.’ And start saying, ‘I will nurture you.’ Shocking right? Yet when you give this one a try; the results will speak for themselves. From the first session I invite couples to lay down the word ‘love’ and instead use the word ‘nurture’. When we say we want someone to love us, we actually mean we want someone to nurture us.”

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In this week’s blog, we write about truth and white lies in your relationship. Here are some links to some interesting studies and thoughts on this topic.

Little White Lies: How Dishonesty Affects Intimate Relationships “Whatever the type of lie or reason behind it, when we lie so frequently, we build up a tolerance for lying itself. This means it can become easier to tell bigger lies when we think they’re called for. And while we may tell white lies to protect others, we might also begin to lie more to protect ourselves. This is where the problem begins. We may justify lying to ourselves as lying to protect a relationship, but actually we’re doing it to save our skin.”

Little White Lies: How Dishonesty Affects Intimate Relationships “There are thousands of ways we can deceive one another—and ourselves. On one hand, we can deliberately mislead others to enhance our own personal gain, deny responsibility for having done something wrong, or cheat or steal to get ahead. Then there are smaller fibs—like telling white lies to ease a friend’s distress or displaying confidence in our abilities when we have little to no idea what we’re actually doing. Hey, we’ve all done it. But studies suggest lying can take a toll on our wellbeing and interfere with the quality of our relationships. Time for some real talk about all this deception.”

Even Little White Lies Hurt Your Health “Still, simply because lying has become “common” doesn’t make constant lying “normal.” It’s terrible for your mental health, for one. Something you may have become immune or numb to is that sick feeling inside yourself when you tell a lie. That’s your conscience telling you, “This is wrong and you shouldn’t be doing it.” Depending on the lie, that sick feeling can grow. Over time, it can become a constant knot in the pit of your stomach or cause you to lose sleep or trigger depression.”

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In this week’s blog, we write about spreading peace in all relationships. Here are some great links reinforcing the idea.

Love And Making Relationships Work “On the fifteenth anniversary of 9/11, I had a discussion on my radio program with Austin yoga teacher, Jonathan Troen, about the anxiety and anger all around us that was palpable on that day, as well as throughout this election cycle. “Peacefulness starts from inside of us and then spreads. It’s contagious, just like anxiety,” said Troen. The solution, he told us, is to find a way to create tranquility within ourselves, such as through practices like meditation, yoga, or Tai-chi, in order to create peacefulness in the world. Coming from a place of stillness within helps us to make better decisions about how to overcome any obstacles in our environment and our interactions.”

15 Simple Ways to Spread Happiness and Kindness Around You “A very simple way to spread more happiness in your own little world is through kindness. It’s often an easy and quick thing you can do as you move through your daily life. But we sometimes forget about it. Or don’t remember how it can help us all. Three things that I like to keep in mind and that help me to try to be a kinder person are these:”

4 Ways to Spread Peace in Your World “No matter how comfortable our lives might be materially, we can still suffer internally, unhappily living out our lives depending on the tide of our circumstances. Peace and happiness isn’t about having everything we want, but being deeply moved by the gratitude for being able to experience life. One of the best ways to spread peace in the world is to recognize your own capacity to bring peace into the little things you do every day. For, as Annie Dillard so beautifully says, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.””

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In this week’s blog, Phil writes about optimism in life and relationships. Here are some links that are clear about the benefits of an optimistic outlook.

The Benefits of Looking on the Bright Side: 10 Reasons to Think Like an Optimist “Having a cheery disposition can influence more than just your mood. “People who are optimistic are more committed to their goals, are more successful in achieving their goals, are more satisfied with their lives, and have better mental and physical health when compared to more pessimistic people,” says Suzanne Segerstrom, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky. Research shows that people tend to be optimistic by nature, but what if you’re naturally more of an Eeyore?”

How Hope and Optimism Affects Romantic Relationships “What role do hope and optimism play in romantic relationships? What happens when hope fluctuates or when one partner is more optimistic than the other? The work of Eshkol Rafaeli, the professor of psychology at Bar-Ilan University, looks deeper at how hope works for couples, especially as they have their first child.”

Matchmaking Tips: How Optimism can Improve your Relationship “For years, relationship gurus, psychologists and matchmakers have recommended more optimism in relationships. Couples who proactively practice an optimistic attitude are happier, more willing to try new things, and not afraid of what the future holds. Thinking on the bright side might seem impossible, especially if one or both of you are not optimistic by nature. Don’t worry! Our matchmakers have compiled a guide to help you harness the power of optimism and bring it into your budding relationship.”

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This week’s blog discusses acceptance, compromise and active listening, so we’re offering some links with views on all three topics.

Is ‘Radical Acceptance’ the Key to a Lasting Relationship? “I believe radical acceptance is the key to making a relationship not only work — but thrive. It’s been the key to making my relationship with Sanjay incredibly deep and rewarding. So, what is radical acceptance? Radical acceptance means loving someone fully for who he or she really is — flaws, short-comings, weaknesses, warts, and all. It signifies loving someone without judgment. It is love filled with empathy and compassion.”

11 Ways That Active Listening Can Help Your Relationships “When you listen correctly, you also learn more…. Some individuals put on a blank stare that can only be described as their “screen-saver face” (in the words of one of my colleagues). You know what that screen-saver face looks like: it’s that blank stare in which the eyes are dull and looking blankly into nowhere and the face has absolutely no expression on it at all.”

The Hidden Cost of Too Much Compromise in Your Relationship “Who hasn’t heard about the importance of compromise in a relationship? But how often do we hear about the price that is paid for that compromise? In a relationship of significance, most people do things that are accommodating. But what happens when that behavior becomes passive behavior and is over-accommodating? What happens when you deny, suppress or repress a meaningful portion of yourself?”

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