Tag: Conflict

How to Have a Relationship Without Anger and Arguments

It was a year after meeting that we noticed we hadn’t had any arguments, and 10 years on from that, it’s still true.
Let us clarify our terms here. We have disagreements – things where we have different points of view – but they never, ever, turn into arguments.
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What Is the Difference Between Disagreeing and Arguing?

Couple arguing

When we tell people we never argue, they don’t call us liars to our face, but there is often a strong whiff of incredulity in the air. It’s not that we agree on everything, but these disagreements don’t descend into arguments.
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Do You Always Have to Be Right?

What is it about being right? Why are we all so obsessed with the need for it? Is this really what we want in a relationship, in a conversation, when making decisions and finding solutions? Being right – it’s the cause of most arguments.
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How to Avoid Power Struggles in Your Relationship

I’ve been thinking quite a lot about the discussions we’ve had recently concerning power struggles within a relationship. We’ve been talking about John Gottman’s book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail“. He observed many couples in terms of their conflicts and issues with power.
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One-third of couples squabble weekly, poll finds

One-third. That’s the weekly squabbling rate according to a poll released last month.
I’m not surprised, just saddened, because it doesn’t have to be like this.
I like to illustrate this with a simple situation which can stand in for nearly any disagreement.
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Audio Release of Conflict Article

Our latest article “The Myth of Inevitable Conflict within a Relationship” was just published in Awareness Magazine for May/June 2014.
It’s now also available as an audio file.
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Why We Don’t Argue

The other night I remarked on the fact that we never feel in conflict with each other, and that this reflects a choice we’ve both made, just like neither of us watch stock car racing, because we don’t enjoy it.
There are two ways to look at someone who does get into conflicts.
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What a Good Relationship Needs

It seems we’re both reaching the conclusion that you must have worked* on yourself before you can achieve a conflict-free relationship. And what does “work” mean? It means

Using self reflection to know yourself.
Being able to step back and look at how you interact with the world, rather than just reflexively acting.
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Each Partner Needs to Accept the Other

I understand where you’re coming from on this, but my first reaction was whether our visitors would. Then I thought about why they might not get it, and decided that would be for one of two reasons: they can’t find it in themselves, or they can’t see it in their partner.
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Acceptance after Conflict

Hi sweetie,
I thought it would be useful to describe the context of “intention to accept” that you blogged about.
We were discussing how easy it is for us to come together and be open to each other, and attributed this to not feeling threatened or at risk, but then the question arose of whether that was possible in a relationship with a past of conflict and betrayal.
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