Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about our anniversary trip where, as is our custom, we reviewed our year and talked about what we wanted for ourselves and for the relationship moving forward. This is not just an annual event; we connect on a daily basis (our Sacred Space.)
Checking in with each other is important to incorporate into a relationship on an ongoing basis. Here are a number of writers describing checking in with their partner.

Why Is Checking in so Important? “What is it that extraordinarily happy couples are doing? One of the important things is checking in. Checking in is taking a brief break from the many competing urgencies of our day to first check inside to see what we are experiencing and then to use that brief break to reveal to our partner what we are experiencing.”

Don’t Be a Stranger: Checking-In with Your Partner “I have had a number of first sessions with couples where one of them ends up saying some variation of “I didn’t know.” Whether that is “I didn’t know you were so unhappy,” or “I didn’t know we were in such a bad place” or even “I didn’t know I was so miserable.” … I would like to recommend one tool that can help to increase emotional connection and a couple’s ability to truly know each other: frequent check-ins.”

The Weekly Check-In: How One New Habit Transformed Our Relationship “How does one hour of alone time with your spouse completely change the dynamic of your relationship? I don’t really know, but that’s what has happened for my husband Alan and I. So, we decided one day that we were going to do a check-in once a week, on Sundays. What we couldn’t predict was how much of an impact the simple act of meeting over bubble tea with a sketchpad and a pen would have on our relationship, and not only that, but in our businesses as well.”

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This week, we wrote about treasuring the bond at the core of your relationship. These articles discuss how to find that bond and foster it.

Ten Elements of Effective Relationships “The other day, a friend pointed out that I very often write from the perspective of what people are doing wrong, as opposed to what they are doing right. Well, here are some things that I have found to be effective elements in a successful relationship; the right stuff.”

5 Boundaries That Actually Bolster Your Bond in Your Marriage “We think of boundaries as keeping us away from our spouses, as creating distance, as thinning and weakening our bond. But boundaries—healthy boundaries—can actually strengthen our connection and bolster our relationship with our partner.”

14 Secrets to a Great Relationship “Below I share 14 of the underlying behaviors of partners who not only stay together, but get closer and more committed to each other over time. Praise yourself if you already practice them in your relationship, but don’t disparage your own efforts even if some of these are missing.”

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In our blog this week, we said that positive words are powerful for your relationship. Here are some other writers talking about the effects that words have.

Why Our Words Matter “Words matter. They have the capacity to motivate, inspire and heal. They can also create staggering pain and damage relationships beyond repair. They can entice those we love to draw closer, and they can put up walls that are impossible to climb over. If we wish to nurture our relationships it behooves us to take exquisite care with our words.”

Words Matter “The words we choose matter. Although relationships with others can be complicated and confusing, words give us the ability to express ourselves and connect with others. Words are among the most powerful tools we have available to us.”

Couples In Happier Relationships Say These 7 Words More Often “Anyone can have a happy relationship if they put in the work. Sometimes the small things like what you say to your partner on a day to day basis really matters. Because according to experts and research, couples in happier relationships tend to say certain things to each other more often than everyone else.”

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In our blog this week, our guest blogger wrote about why you need to communicate your love language. Here are some good articles about clear couples communication, and an amusing video, too.

5 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently “Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.”

I’m a psychologist, and I’ve found one of the biggest relationship problems people have always boils down to the same thing “love languages are a thing (there are 5 of them) and understanding what your primary love language is can be as helpful as the name is cheesy. The best part of discovering your love language style? The more you understand the different ways people show love, the more likely you are to notice those gestures and feel loved. When you start to give and receive love in a way that’s more personalized, it engenders an even deeper connection between you and your boo.”

Sex Talk: Knowing How Males and Females Communicate Can Save Your Relationship “There are reasons men and women communicate the way they do. Understanding how and why our communications differ can go a long way to helping us become better listeners and better speakers. What’s at stake? Just the survival of our relationships. We know that approximately 50% of first marriages end in divorce and later marriages do even worse. Even in marriages that remain intact, communication often is miserable and can lead to irritability and anger, as well as depression and despair.”

Here’s a cute video: It’s Not About The Nail “‘Don’t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.’ Every man has heard these words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.”

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This week we said to beware of criticism as it can poison your relationship. We found so many good links that we are including four this week; the fourth is included because it offers some good vs. bad examples of how to communicate.

Criticism Is The Toxic Habit That Can Slowly Ruin Your Relationship “Habitual criticism can corrode the very foundation of a relationship — and that’s not an overstatement. In fact, criticism is so damaging that relationship researcher John Gottman identified it as one of the top predictors of divorce”

Criticism in Marriage Relationships. Stop It Before It Kills Your Marriage. “Everyone hates to be criticized. Yet, for some reason, couples often feel licensed to belittle, berate, badger, and blame each other in ways they’d never do with friends. Criticism in marriage relationships is so common it makes the adage “intimacy breeds contempt” unshakeably rock solid. Why do couples default to critical behavior despite knowing deep down it is harmful and corrosive to their relationship?”

How Criticism can Destroy your Marriage “Dr. Jessica Higgins says, ‘Criticism is the act of focusing on your partner’s flaws and passing judgment. Over time, a critical stance can turn into a habit of disapproving, critiquing, correcting, blaming, nitpicking, or trying to fix your significant other.'”

Criticism in Relationships: Examples & Solutions “On the left side, some examples of criticism. On the right side, how a more emotionally intelligent partner would communicate the same issue.”

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