What do I want to tell you about relationships? I could rework what other people have written, whether the five love languages or the parent-adult-child model of transactional analysis, but what I truly know is at the level of learned …
Total Acceptance From the Heart is How You Create Peace in Your Relationship Read more »
A friend of mine was living with a man who traveled regularly for work. Whenever he returned home, there was a strange disconnect in the air for a day or so. It was only after they separated that she discovered …
You Need to Accept Each Other and Look for Values Without Projections Read more »
MAUDE: Phil and I were sharing over dinner the other night and found ourselves discussing what it means to speak your truth, and how you find your way to that truth. I was telling him about some challenges I was …
Why it is Important to Speak Your Truth in Relationships Read more »
PHIL: We have plenty in common, but also plenty of differences. How we connect socially. What we read. What our diets are. Our differences don’t cause us problems, but for many people, they are a perennial battlefield. Maggie Scarf proposed …
How To See Your Differences As Assets Rather Than Causing Arguments Read more »
MAUDE: When I first came to Santa Barbara, over forty years ago, my husband (at the time) and I had the address of only one person to make contact with. We had been given his address because we shared a …
How to Reach Unity When There Appear to be Two Sides Read more »
We were contacted this week by a reader asking about the difference between an argument and a disagreement because the distinction was causing confusion between her, her husband and their adult daughter. These words mean different things to different people, …
How To Avoid a Disagreement Becoming an Argument Read more »
Peace is a distinct state of its own. It sometimes gets framed as an absence, an absence of conflict, or even of life itself – “Rest in Peace” – but it is far more useful to see it as a …
How to Make Relationship Peace Your Guide for Social Peace Read more »
We often describe something we call total acceptance, but what do we actually mean by that term? Well, first let’s discuss what we don’t mean. We don’t mean that you should accept abuse or bullying or attempts at dominance. We …
In the last months, as we have written and shared how we and others are coping with these tumultuous times, something has become very clear. We get a strong response of agreement, empathy and understanding whenever we share personally about …
How to Think Differently About Your Relationships Read more »
Critical to having a peaceful conflict-free relationship is an attitude we refer to as total acceptance. Understanding that the other person is a full and separate individual, with different ways of expressing themselves and unique preferences, is a necessary foundation …