Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with ,

In this week’s blog, we wrote about why relationships need attention to be successful. These articles say the same thing in various ways: anecdotally, analytically and with humor.

Attention Is the Most Basic Form of Love “One of the most common relationship concerns we have found in our Marriage Checkup study is that partners stop paying attention to each other in the struggle to accomplish the myriad demands of the day. We are all, so many of us, so monstrously busy on a day-to-day basis that we practically tremble under the strain of it all…. And then, finally, sometimes, through the fog, we catch a glimmer. My wife. My husband. Our marriage.”

Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids “I realized how much I’d asked him to change for our relationship, without being willing to put in the work myself. And I knew this was the work. The paying attention, the asking questions, the listening. I knew this because of innovative research conducted by John Gottman… What separates the relationship masters from the relationship disasters?”

Is Your Relationship a Priority? “I’ve been thinking lately about what commonly brings couples into my office. It’s not only infidelity, but it is cheating. It’s not just escalating conflict, though it does become escalated. What many of the couples I see have in common is that they fail to do one crucial thing that erodes their bond of connection over time and causes their partner to lose confidence in them. They don’t make the relationship a priority.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about why peace is so important in your relationship. The following articles discuss having an intention toward peace.

Pursue Peace, Even If It Means Losing Relationships “After much practice and numerous failed attempts to voice those needs, I’ve also become bolder in my requests, which makes me feel simultaneously uncomfortable and empowered. One of the life lessons that is wound up in this season of life is that I need peace. Not the semblance of peace, or the absence of conflict, but the actual peace that comes from a series of choices that produces it.”

5 Ways To Create More Harmony In Your Relationships “If you want to create more peace in your relationships, it starts with your relationship with yourself. The relationship of your dreams, where there’s authentic connection and you feel loved, accepted, and honored just as you are is completely possible when you realize that it starts with YOU. The thought patterns and limiting beliefs that keep you from truly opening to the potential for an expansive, fulfilling, and connected partnership are nothing more than mental habits.”

The Heart’s Intention “Setting intention, at least according to Buddhist teachings, is quite different than goal making. It is not oriented toward a future outcome. Instead, it is a path or practice that is focused on how you are “being” in the present moment. Your attention is on the everpresent “now” in the constantly changing flow of life. You set your intentions based on understanding what matters most to you and make a commitment to align your worldly actions with your inner values.”

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In this week’s blog, we wrote about why knowing yourself is important for your relationship. Here are some articles on different aspects of this topic.

The Influence of Self-Disclosure on Relationships “Building a successful relationship involves a mutual give-and-take between partners. Self-disclosure may be more limited in the early stages of a new relationship, but part of the reason people grow closer and more deeply involved is that they become progressively more open to sharing with their partner. In order to build a deep and trusting relationship, some level of self-disclosure is necessary and the more intimate the relationship, the deeper this disclosure tends to be.”

Know Thyself! “Coming to understand how we appear to others is a key aspect of reflection. Self-knowledge can be divided into four areas: what is known to us as well as to others, what is known to others but not to us, what we know and others don’t, and what we don’t know and others don’t either. Discovering what no one knows takes time and intensive tactics. However, our biggest gain in self-improvement can be had by simply finding out what others know about us that we don’t.”

How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship “Of course it helps to be entering a relationship with a strong feeling of self-love. But I also think that if you are in a partnership where self-love is lacking, and the space between you is needy, irritating, and harmful, things can be turned around. Learning self-love is an ongoing process. It’s not a switch you can just flick on. Even couples who have a healthy amount of self-love could have more.”

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This week we blogged about why intimacy is important in all your relationships. These articles explore various aspects of this important subject.

Intimacy: The Art of Relationships “Our culture provides for meeting all other needs, especially the need for autonomy, but not for intimacy. Within this framework, couples today must provide for each other more of the emotional needs that a larger community used to furnish. Compounding the wide-scale deprivation of intimacy we actually experience, our cultural talent for commercialization has separated out sex from intimacy.”

The What and How of True Intimacy “Intimacy is what most people long for but not everyone finds, or rather, makes. Why? Because intimacy, true closeness with another human being, can also be scary. Getting to the intimate core of a relationship requires that both people work through their fear….A truly intimate relationship lets both people know on the deepest level who they each truly are.”

Building Intimacy in Relationships “When you hear the word intimacy as it refers to relationships, the likelihood is that you think of sex. In reality, though, intimacy is so much more than a sexual connection. You can have an intimate relationship with someone who’s never even seen you naked. Intimacy is about vulnerability, that connection you make with someone. Experts distinguish between four different types of intimacy: physical, emotional, cognitive, and experiential.”

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This week we blogged about the importance of being present in life and in your relationship. Here are some great articles about this crucial aspect of living successfully.

The Mindful Couple “As a couples relationship therapist, the question I have always pondered is, can you be mindful or fully present in your relationship? (For the purposes of this post, mindfulness and being fully present will be used synonymously.) I have found the answer to be yes. Not only can you be mindful and present in your relationship, when you add mindfulness to your relationship, it has the potential to be a transformative journey towards healing and wholeness.”

How to Foster Better Relationships Just by Being Present “I love to pose a question in my journal and watch carefully for the myriad responses from The Universe. I always know how much attention something needs based on the quantity and clarity of the answers I receive. Lately I’ve been pondering the question: How can I be a better sister, daughter, and friend? The Universe has been responding with a metric truckload of answers. The common theme? Get present.”

How To Be More Present In Your Relationship “There’s definitely an art to living in the present, and it’s not as easy as it seems. There’s always something else to think and worry about, and that can seriously take us out of the moment. Being present is important in every aspect of life, but it can be particularly important when it comes to our romantic relationships. Here’s how to get better at it:”