Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about treasuring the bond at the core of your relationship. These articles discuss how to find that bond and foster it.

Ten Elements of Effective Relationships “The other day, a friend pointed out that I very often write from the perspective of what people are doing wrong, as opposed to what they are doing right. Well, here are some things that I have found to be effective elements in a successful relationship; the right stuff.”

5 Boundaries That Actually Bolster Your Bond in Your Marriage “We think of boundaries as keeping us away from our spouses, as creating distance, as thinning and weakening our bond. But boundaries—healthy boundaries—can actually strengthen our connection and bolster our relationship with our partner.”

14 Secrets to a Great Relationship “Below I share 14 of the underlying behaviors of partners who not only stay together, but get closer and more committed to each other over time. Praise yourself if you already practice them in your relationship, but don’t disparage your own efforts even if some of these are missing.”

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In our blog this week, we said that positive words are powerful for your relationship. Here are some other writers talking about the effects that words have.

Why Our Words Matter “Words matter. They have the capacity to motivate, inspire and heal. They can also create staggering pain and damage relationships beyond repair. They can entice those we love to draw closer, and they can put up walls that are impossible to climb over. If we wish to nurture our relationships it behooves us to take exquisite care with our words.”

Words Matter “The words we choose matter. Although relationships with others can be complicated and confusing, words give us the ability to express ourselves and connect with others. Words are among the most powerful tools we have available to us.”

Couples In Happier Relationships Say These 7 Words More Often “Anyone can have a happy relationship if they put in the work. Sometimes the small things like what you say to your partner on a day to day basis really matters. Because according to experts and research, couples in happier relationships tend to say certain things to each other more often than everyone else.”

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In our blog this week, our guest blogger wrote about why you need to communicate your love language. Here are some good articles about clear couples communication, and an amusing video, too.

5 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently “Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.”

I’m a psychologist, and I’ve found one of the biggest relationship problems people have always boils down to the same thing “love languages are a thing (there are 5 of them) and understanding what your primary love language is can be as helpful as the name is cheesy. The best part of discovering your love language style? The more you understand the different ways people show love, the more likely you are to notice those gestures and feel loved. When you start to give and receive love in a way that’s more personalized, it engenders an even deeper connection between you and your boo.”

Sex Talk: Knowing How Males and Females Communicate Can Save Your Relationship “There are reasons men and women communicate the way they do. Understanding how and why our communications differ can go a long way to helping us become better listeners and better speakers. What’s at stake? Just the survival of our relationships. We know that approximately 50% of first marriages end in divorce and later marriages do even worse. Even in marriages that remain intact, communication often is miserable and can lead to irritability and anger, as well as depression and despair.”

Here’s a cute video: It’s Not About The Nail “‘Don’t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.’ Every man has heard these words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.”

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This week we said to beware of criticism as it can poison your relationship. We found so many good links that we are including four this week; the fourth is included because it offers some good vs. bad examples of how to communicate.

Criticism Is The Toxic Habit That Can Slowly Ruin Your Relationship “Habitual criticism can corrode the very foundation of a relationship — and that’s not an overstatement. In fact, criticism is so damaging that relationship researcher John Gottman identified it as one of the top predictors of divorce”

Criticism in Marriage Relationships. Stop It Before It Kills Your Marriage. “Everyone hates to be criticized. Yet, for some reason, couples often feel licensed to belittle, berate, badger, and blame each other in ways they’d never do with friends. Criticism in marriage relationships is so common it makes the adage “intimacy breeds contempt” unshakeably rock solid. Why do couples default to critical behavior despite knowing deep down it is harmful and corrosive to their relationship?”

How Criticism can Destroy your Marriage “Dr. Jessica Higgins says, ‘Criticism is the act of focusing on your partner’s flaws and passing judgment. Over time, a critical stance can turn into a habit of disapproving, critiquing, correcting, blaming, nitpicking, or trying to fix your significant other.'”

Criticism in Relationships: Examples & Solutions “On the left side, some examples of criticism. On the right side, how a more emotionally intelligent partner would communicate the same issue.”

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This week we wrote about how our perception of a situation is based on the past more than the present, and how we can get past that by reframing. Here are some excellent articles to help you reframe your relationship and your life.

Reframing Your Marital Problem “I don’t care what kind of couples therapy you do, you will be eventually be invited by your therapist to start reframing your marital problem. Why is reframing your marital problem such a fundamental part of couples therapy? Because how you see your problem is directly related to how stuck you are in it.”

Cognitive reframing – it’s not about what happens to you, but how you frame it “All situations that happen to you in life have no inherent meaning. You are the one who signs a meaning, seeing a situation through a certain frame. With cognitive reframing, you can change the way you look at something and consequently change how you experience it.”

Visual Perception Theory A very clear description of two theories of perception and where the 90% figure comes from. “In order to receive information from the environment we are equipped with sense organs e.g. eye, ear, nose. Each sense organ is part of a sensory system which receives sensory inputs and transmits sensory information to the brain. A particular problem for psychologists is to explain the process by which the physical energy received by sense organs forms the basis of perceptual experience.”

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