Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

This week, we wrote that neediness is not good for you and your relationship. Here are some articles with suggestions on how to handle this issue.

5 Ways to Become Less Emotionally Needy In Relationships “Most of us feel ’emotionally needy’ at times in relationships – meaning that during a difficult or challenging time in our life, we need more emotional support than usual. I get it. Its pretty common. We all long to be understood, supported, loved, and accepted. And it’s ok to feel this way – periodically. Yet, being overly emotionally needy – too demanding, clingy, annoying, fragile – can spell disaster for your relationship. Being a healthy person means standing on your own, being able to tolerate aloneness, and manage their own ‘sh*t. That’s how healthy relationships thrive and grow.”

The Problem With Neediness (Or: The Anti-Sex Equation) “There’s a recurring thread I’ve seen lately online, whether it’s in the comments here or in a few of the other forae where I lurk: an increasing sense of desperation for a relationship. As we’re running headlong into the holiday season, it’s only natural for the singletons amongst us to look around at all of the happy couples with a certain level of bitterness and envy. When you’re single and alone in a season that celebrates relationships and togetherness1 it’s hard not to feel an empty hole in your life that can only be filled with the sort of love that’s only found in coffee commercials.”

How to overcome neediness, grasping and withdrawal in relationships “We’re wired for attachment – that’s why babies cry when separated from their mothers. Depending especially on our mother’s behaviour, as well as later experiences, we develop a style of attaching that affects our behaviour in close relationships. We seek or avoid intimacy along a continuum, but generally we fall into one of the following three attachment styles whether we’re dating or in a long term relationship. (We all have an element of each of these styles too.) The question is, what is your predominant attachment style? That’s where majority of your work, your GOLD will be. “

Tagged with:

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with , ,

This week, we wrote about supporting the growth of the other person in your relationship. This sounds obvious but proves to be a challenge for many people. Here are some articles that may help with this.

Partner Power: Supportive Relationships Linked To Personal Development “Your romantic partner can be a source of encouragement or discouragement and whether they uplift you or deflate you can determine what you achieve in life. New research also suggests that if you have a partner that is supportive, you are more likely to take advantage of opportunities for personal growth that come your way (Feeney et al. 2017). On the other hand, if your partner is not so supportive of you in your relationship, you are more likely to forgo opportunities for personal growth.”

11 Ways To Be Independent In A Romantic Relationship, No Matter What “It’s very important to have independence in a relationship. Successful, healthy relationships allow for the both people to form a bond which lets them to not only grow together but also to grow independently as people. It’s essential to have your own sense of autonomy while feeling you can depend on each other.”

How to Build a Relationship Based on Interdependence “Interdependence suggests that partners recognize and value the importance of the emotional bond they share while maintaining a solid sense of self within the relationship dynamic. An interdependent person recognizes the value of vulnerability, being able to turn to their partner in meaningful ways to create emotional intimacy. They also value a sense of self that allows them and their partner to be themselves without any need to compromise who they are or their values system.”

Tagged with: , ,

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about how to stop irritation poisoning your relationship. Here are a number of writers discussing how to keep your relationship free from squabbles.

Why You Pick Fights With Your Partner — and How to Stop “Many of us are more open and vulnerable with our partner than almost anyone else, so it makes sense that we’d be more reactive to them and more affected by their responses. However, what we’re reacting to often goes deeper than what’s going on at the surface. We all have impactful experiences and unique attachment histories that shape our behavior, as well as our expectations about how relationships work.”

11 Hints for Resolving Relationship Irritations “…while we’re taught not to sweat the small stuff and to pick our battles, it’s these tiny transgressions that can build and become big stumbling blocks in a relationship. (For instance, a longitudinal study of 373 married couples found that happy couples do sweat the small stuff and work to resolve these issues right away.) So how do you resolve relationship annoyances without nitpicking, nagging or tiptoeing around your partner (and fuming on the inside)?”

5 Things to Do When You Are So Annoyed With Your Partner “Unfortunately, as you settle into a life together, you may discover that your true selves can be quite annoying. What used to seem exciting, enchanting, or intriguing now drives you nuts—sloppy habits, irrational perspectives, unreasonable standards, unskilled communication, bad fashion choices. The kindness, patience, and forgiveness that once ran thick now run thin.”

Tagged with: ,

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with , , ,

This week, we wrote that relationship differences can be valuable and important. Here are some people writing about differences in relationships.

7 Things All Successful Couples Agree On & 7 Things It’s OK To Disagree On “‘Differences are what keeps the relationship interesting,’ NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. ‘Values should be similar and what you are looking for in a relationship — such as commitment, children, etc. — are important for a long lasting relationship. However, you shouldn’t agree on everything.'”

How to Accept Your Differences for Relationship Success “Many star-struck couples soon realize that the person they’re in love with may be someone they know well, but not someone they share the same characteristics, passions, or hobbies with. I do understand that you are very much in love with each other, but you have to understand that you are not clones of each other.”

“But We’re So Different”: How Differences Shape And Impact Your Relationship “Just as there are benefits to sharing similarities with your partner, there are several benefits to having differences as well. First, you have the opportunity to share your experiences and interests with the person you love. It provides the opportunity to learn more about who your partner truly is, what makes them tick. You may find they enjoy a variety of activities you have never tried. You might find yourself drawn closer to them because of their adventurous spirit or their willingness to try some of your interests. You can learn much about your partner through shared experiences.”

Tagged with: , , ,

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about the astonishing benefit of being alone in a relationship. Here are some articles on this topic.

7 Signs Your Partner’s Need For Alone Time Is OK Vs. A Threat To Your Relationship “‘There is nothing inherently wrong with alone time,’ Joanna Townsend, a life coach and a Washington D.C.-based psychotherapist for Blush Online Life Coaching, tells Bustle. ‘Alone time is healthy, particularly in relationships. It’s imperative for recharging, re-centering, connecting with oneself, and being able to show up to the relationship fully.’ It can be a really useful tool in a relationship.”

7 Reasons Why You and Your S.O. Need Time Apart “Whether you’ve been in a relationship for 10 years or two weeks (or simply thinking about getting back into the game), it’s important to remember that you are a whole person and were a whole person before you became part of a team. And just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them 24/7. Being apart from them allows you to reset and feel comfortable being with your own company.”

Great Relationships Embrace ‘We Time’ and ‘Me Time’ “You may have heard that a weekly date with your partner fosters a good relationship. Do you also make sure to enjoy self-nurturing activities individually? By overdoing togetherness, you can lose touch with your essential self, like Emily did long ago. When this happens, you might sense something amiss in your relationship, such as the absence of romance and fun. You might feel discouraged or blame your partner.”

Tagged with: ,