Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about how to stop irritation poisoning your relationship. Here are a number of writers discussing how to keep your relationship free from squabbles.

Why You Pick Fights With Your Partner — and How to Stop “Many of us are more open and vulnerable with our partner than almost anyone else, so it makes sense that we’d be more reactive to them and more affected by their responses. However, what we’re reacting to often goes deeper than what’s going on at the surface. We all have impactful experiences and unique attachment histories that shape our behavior, as well as our expectations about how relationships work.”

11 Hints for Resolving Relationship Irritations “…while we’re taught not to sweat the small stuff and to pick our battles, it’s these tiny transgressions that can build and become big stumbling blocks in a relationship. (For instance, a longitudinal study of 373 married couples found that happy couples do sweat the small stuff and work to resolve these issues right away.) So how do you resolve relationship annoyances without nitpicking, nagging or tiptoeing around your partner (and fuming on the inside)?”

5 Things to Do When You Are So Annoyed With Your Partner “Unfortunately, as you settle into a life together, you may discover that your true selves can be quite annoying. What used to seem exciting, enchanting, or intriguing now drives you nuts—sloppy habits, irrational perspectives, unreasonable standards, unskilled communication, bad fashion choices. The kindness, patience, and forgiveness that once ran thick now run thin.”

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This week, we wrote that relationship differences can be valuable and important. Here are some people writing about differences in relationships.

7 Things All Successful Couples Agree On & 7 Things It’s OK To Disagree On “‘Differences are what keeps the relationship interesting,’ NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. ‘Values should be similar and what you are looking for in a relationship — such as commitment, children, etc. — are important for a long lasting relationship. However, you shouldn’t agree on everything.'”

How to Accept Your Differences for Relationship Success “Many star-struck couples soon realize that the person they’re in love with may be someone they know well, but not someone they share the same characteristics, passions, or hobbies with. I do understand that you are very much in love with each other, but you have to understand that you are not clones of each other.”

“But We’re So Different”: How Differences Shape And Impact Your Relationship “Just as there are benefits to sharing similarities with your partner, there are several benefits to having differences as well. First, you have the opportunity to share your experiences and interests with the person you love. It provides the opportunity to learn more about who your partner truly is, what makes them tick. You may find they enjoy a variety of activities you have never tried. You might find yourself drawn closer to them because of their adventurous spirit or their willingness to try some of your interests. You can learn much about your partner through shared experiences.”

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This week, we wrote about the astonishing benefit of being alone in a relationship. Here are some articles on this topic.

7 Signs Your Partner’s Need For Alone Time Is OK Vs. A Threat To Your Relationship “‘There is nothing inherently wrong with alone time,’ Joanna Townsend, a life coach and a Washington D.C.-based psychotherapist for Blush Online Life Coaching, tells Bustle. ‘Alone time is healthy, particularly in relationships. It’s imperative for recharging, re-centering, connecting with oneself, and being able to show up to the relationship fully.’ It can be a really useful tool in a relationship.”

7 Reasons Why You and Your S.O. Need Time Apart “Whether you’ve been in a relationship for 10 years or two weeks (or simply thinking about getting back into the game), it’s important to remember that you are a whole person and were a whole person before you became part of a team. And just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them 24/7. Being apart from them allows you to reset and feel comfortable being with your own company.”

Great Relationships Embrace ‘We Time’ and ‘Me Time’ “You may have heard that a weekly date with your partner fosters a good relationship. Do you also make sure to enjoy self-nurturing activities individually? By overdoing togetherness, you can lose touch with your essential self, like Emily did long ago. When this happens, you might sense something amiss in your relationship, such as the absence of romance and fun. You might feel discouraged or blame your partner.”

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This week, we wrote that it’s important to know that all relationships matter. Here are some articles to different aspects of that topic.

How to Live in Peace WikiHow is a collaborative site like wikipedia that, despite its appearance, often has very good peer-reviewed articles. “Living in peace is about living harmoniously with yourself, others, and all sentient beings around you. While you will find your own meanings of peaceful existence and outward manifestations of a peaceful life according to your beliefs and lifestyle, there are some basics underpinning living in peace that cannot be overlooked, such as being non-violent, being tolerant, holding moderate views, and celebrating wondrous-life.”

The Power of Influence “Control over our lives is something we all want. But in a universe in which everything is mutually interdependent, none of us has absolute control over anything including, much of the time, ourselves. Rather, what we all have in abundance is influence, the power of which seems to function linearly: the closer personally and physically others are to us, the greater our influence over them, and vice versa.”

5 Easy Ways You Can Create World Peace “[W]hy should the noise from some misguided souls get to determine your worldview? The time has come for the rest of us—who are committed to creating a peaceful world—to make some noise. The message of non-violence can be lived and demonstrated through our presence and actions. It’s easy for the mind to get fixated on negative news; but in reality acts of love, kindness and generosity far exceed acts borne of misunderstanding and distrust.”

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This week, we blogged about how to practice peace within your relationships. Here are some articles with thoughts on peace and relationships.

How to Attract Peaceful & Nurturing Relationships “I used to think relationships had to always be hard. Full of strife, jealousy and distrust. Subject to harsh words, crossing the line, anger and resentment. And I found myself in relationship after relationship, whether friendship or romantic, that only confirmed this. I was convinced I would always have to either suffer in silence or fight for myself. Fight to be heard, fight to escape control, fight to be seen for who I am…. I wanted peace. I wanted understanding. I wanted my relationships to feel calm, nurturing and, most of all, respectful.”

Love Relationships Are a Pocket of Peace “Finding, developing and securing a real partnership is one of the most fundamental endeavors in life. According to Paul C. Brunson, matchmaking guru and bestselling author of It’s Complicated (But Doesn’t Have to Be), creating a fulfilling bond is not so much about the quantity of the relationship as it is about the quality: ‘There is an over-emphasis on the length of a relationship being the most important metric of success,’ he states, adding eloquently, ‘The quintessential measure of success of any true relationship is the amount of selflessness each party has contributed.'”

Why Nothing Is More Exciting for Romance Than Calm “Emotions are often compared to storms and fire: They are unstable, intense states that signify passionate excitement and agitation. This characterization also prevails in descriptions of romantic love. We think ideal love consists of constant excitement and uncompromising emotions, that love knows no varying degrees and never has to compromise. The above characterizations are essentially true concerning a specific type of emotions—intense, focused emotions, which typically last for a brief period. Change cannot persist for long; the human system soon accepts the change as a normal, stable situation and adjusts. But there are also enduring emotions, which can continue for a lifetime.”

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